Is being online 'chatting' whilst in a relationship cheating?

[MMI]

I never cross the line. But, perhaps, one day, when I look behind me, I'll see it there.

[Arria]

MMI: Ok now don´t get this wrong, but imho there is no such thing as a person "sucking at sex" - there are only people who are not able to communicate and teach their partner....

It takes one to teach, and one willing to be teached... if you don´t have that... it won´t work. Good sex is not done by one participant alone, you see.

(I have been called a frigid bitch often enough. I am not one. It just takes a man who knows how I function... hubby does... and with him, I am not frigid. Quite on the contrary.)

[MMI]

I disagree. Some people are good at sex. And some aren't. Just like some people are better at tennis than others.

Likewise, there are things some people will not do, and it's pointless to try to teach them. If I told my wife that I get off pissing over women, and making them play with my excrement, she would not say, Oh, all right - just show me where to kneel ...

But if I can find someone who will talk to me about it online, then maybe I can get off just by thinking about doing it on the person I am chatting to. My wife, of course would be disgusted if she knew. But she doesn't have to, if I'm careful.

[shayna{L_D}]

Well, obviously you're in the majority so you won't get a lot of backlash... but what about a non-sexual conversation between two people (presumably of the opposite sex) and they grow close... become friends.

Thank you for your comment Oz, let me explain myself a little bit better. I never said anything was wrong with friends on the internet or real life. If it turns sexual then its cheating in my book. Having sexual desires for another or even sexual thoughts about another is a form of cheating for me. Would you want me (if you were your partner) having sexual desires for another man or woman? When we were fucking each other, i was thinking of fucking them, or a role play i had with them and my mind wasnt on you at all? Would you want that? I dont think you would, so why would i want that done to me? Im sorry if you feel i am being a bit over dramatic and i am sorry if you are one of the people i was talking abotu in my post. What you do in your own free time is your own bussniess, hell what you do with YOU is your bussiness. I am FRIENDS with the people that are married, and are lying to there wives or husbands, i never said 'oh they are a bad breed' just think its wrong, i hold nothing against them.

Im sorry if i offened you.

[love2serve]

No. It just means there are no consequences.


Now ... hands up people who are willing to tell their partner, Honey, I love you, but you suck at sex, so I'm cybering a slut on the internet because she makes me feel better than you do



That is how I feel about it - speaking as a coward.


Personally, I would still love my wife if we never had sex, and I'd hate to cause her heartache. After 36 years, it'll take more than animal lust (or the want of it) to separate us. But I'd still look for nookie elsewhere if I thought I could get away with it.

So far ... so good.

have to say that most women who 'play' on this site may really object to being called a 'slut' in that context! I think most (as i do) come on here to fulfil a fantasy, to put to rest if you like a part of them which cannot be satisfied in real life. I have a fantastic relationship with my husband both in and out of bed, we know each other inside out - but the craving for a taste of this lifestyle i kept hidden until recently. After telling him about it one night (a lot if wine was consumed by me before i could do this)!!!! He has been very supportive, even trying some bondage and other stuff, which i might add he would never have done had i not 'fessed' up as someone said in an earlier reply. We now have an understanding about it, he knows i go on here and enjoys the lovemaking we have as a result of my new found online life - this may sound strange, even sick to some, but it works for us, i have never been so happy, or felt so sexually free and that has been of a huge benefit to both of us. As for my experience the other night, i have purged myself of most of the guilt i felt about it, having looked at the guys profile page again this morning, i see that he has posted again since, saying that due to his girlfriends disapproval he is leaving the site, having only been on here out of spite!!!!! How childish and sad, so, having read this i feel only pity for the poor girl, if he promised not to come on here again a few months ago and has been caught again now, what hope do they have for a happy relationship - none i would say. And in the words of someone somewhere who is very sensible 'its not my bloody problem' Sorry but thats how i feel, im not going to allow a guy who cant take his balls out of his girlfriends purse to spoil what i have going with some great guys on this site, call me irresponsible as the song goes, but after a lot of thought this is how i feel.

[Ozme52]

Thank you for your comment Oz, let me explain myself a little bit better. I never said anything was wrong with friends on the internet or real life. If it turns sexual then its cheating in my book. Having sexual desires for another or even sexual thoughts about another is a form of cheating for me. Would you want me (if you were your partner) having sexual desires for another man or woman? When we were fucking each other, i was thinking of fucking them, or a role play i had with them and my mind wasnt on you at all? Would you want that? I dont think you would, so why would i want that done to me? Im sorry if you feel i am being a bit over dramatic and i am sorry if you are one of the people i was talking abotu in my post. What you do in your own free time is your own bussniess, hell what you do with YOU is your bussiness. I am FRIENDS with the people that are married, and are lying to there wives or husbands, i never said 'oh they are a bad breed' just think its wrong, i hold nothing against them.

Im sorry if i offened you.

I don't think I quoted you in a way that indicated I was offended.

But the next question is... what if the spouse considers this online, platonic friendship, a violation of trust. It happens all the time. Have you therefore cheated?

This is basically the same point I discussed with arria... because not everyone considers sex (online or not) to be the deal breaker. I have acquaintances who get 4 hours a year to be away for their spouse, and have to beg for that. I can well imagine him being online "cheating" her out of her precious "me time" and none of it sexual.

Regardless, I don't deny that everyone is entitled to their opinions... I just object (not that you did this) to those who insist on directly insulting a number of my friends here on the forums because they hold a different opinion... and do so in such a way that if they come out to defend themselves, they'll obviously be the victims of some vile epithets.

[denuseri]

Having been the target of such accusations of this type in chat on more than one occasion I appreciate that my wizardly friend. HUGS OZ!!!

[Ozme52]

Having been the target of such accusations of this type in chat on more than one occasion I appreciate that my wizardly friend. HUGS OZ!!!

*nodding*

You're welcome denuseri

[the_moirae]

The question still needs answering - is this cheating?

(Preface my answer with: just one person's opinion. Okay, now that my disclaimer's out of the way...)

Depends. If folks are in an open relationship (and by "open" I mean, their spouse/s.o. is aware of their mate's activities, or there is some understanding that their partner chats/r.p.'s/etc. on/offline), then the activities don't fall into the arena of "cheating." Otherwise...well, yeah.

[Arria]

@ Ozme: "I have acquaintances who get 4 hours a year to be away for their spouse, and have to beg for that."
OMG, that is so absolutely horrible, I find it disgusting. But - it takes 2, as always. One who dishes out the shit, and a partner who accepts it.

For me, that would be a deal breaker - not being allowed to do anything on my own again. Same accounts for hubby. The more pressure one applies to me, the faster I break away from it.

What I also do not understand with such people is how they don´t get totally bored with each other. I mean, if I do something on my own (e.g. going to the movies with a friend, or going to a garden-and-house-plants-exhibition with a friend), I can tell hubby about it afterwards.
Or if he goes to some rock concert of a band he likes and that does nothing for me, he can also tell me about it afterwards, plus he met friends and had a generally great evening and comes home in a very good mood.
I think such things are vital for a relationship to work and not get boring, and I think people who do not give their partners the opportunity for things and activities on their own, only have a huge ego problem and are horribly insecure. (I see no other reason for such behaviour.)

I must also say hubby tried to be like that in the beginning of our relationship as well (the reason being that some of his former girls cheated on him). I put an end to that quickly. I said, he either would stop this, or I would end the relationship, starting now, and that I did NOT like to be in a golden cage!
He said "Yes, you do, as long as the door to the cage remains open."
I said "Yeah, right, but YOU stand in the open door of that cage, and act all hurt and angry if I dare take a step out, and that sucks!!!"
*lol*

As usual with me, I tried to find out why he acted like that, because it did not fit the impression I had about his personality. I found out, as described, that cheating ex-girlfriends were the cause. Sorry, but there is no way I will put up with dumb behaviour because of something I did NOT do MYSELF.

I also said if that was what he liked, he could also go straight ahead and forbid me to work, because if I really wanted to, I could just as well fuck some work colleague during lunchbreak in a hotel close by! (Not that I would do anything of the like, but you get my point.)

So we took it by little steps, and of course the fact that I came home after whatever activity it was (not that I have much opportunity, I had a small child at that time!), and he could check if I smelled of another guy (groans), helped, too.
Nowadays it is not a problem anymore.

See - he wants his spare time and activities, and I want the same. And I will not accept a partnership in which both don´t have the same rights (regarding work and stuff like that).

Hubby also goes to a rock-concert-weekend (3 days every year) alone, where I take care of my kid and he can relax. I like to think once we do not trust each other enough anymore to let the other go away from home for 2 or 3 days alone, we could as well end the relationship because there very obviously would be a HUGE trust issue.

I will never understand spouses who suffocate and smother their partner like that and expect them to remain with them and accept such treatment! I mean, we are grown-ups, for God´s sake! Honest!

*remembers to breathe" OK, end of rant, thanks for listening so far.

[Thorne]

I mean, we are grown-ups, for God´s sake! Honest!

Unfortunately, there are far too few who can act like grownups, especially when sexual issues are involved.

[shayna{L_D}]

I don't think I quoted you in a way that indicated I was offended.

But the next question is... what if the spouse considers this online, platonic friendship, a violation of trust. It happens all the time. Have you therefore cheated?

Im glad i did not offend you, that wasnt my doing at all. I do not think that platonic friends isnt a violation of trust, if it went further then yes it would be. Not take into account i am young, and have been hurt very badly by my other half cheating on me in real time and online. I may have a jaded view right now. When when i grow up a bit and get into a serious relationship where i can trust that person with my life then i would allow him or her to be open sexually. Im just not the type to share, and or to be shared. I want whats mine, and i will keep whats mine, and i will also fight for what is mine.