Originally Posted by fetishdj
I think the problem here is that she wants to please him as well as him pleasing her but suspects he is not getting as much out of the relationship as she is and that concerns her. He may enjoy submission but if his submission comes at a cost where he loses his sexual pleasure as a result?


Then they should sit down and talk about it in a feedback session.
I never said they shouldn't do this as well.

The point of journalling is that some subs feel more confident expressing themselves in writing than they are verbally.

So what? They can't go through their life "journeling" everything to communicate effectively so why should one think that it will solve anything, especially when written communication lacks the other 90% of information human beings exchange when they talk to each other face to face...it's pretty obvious to me that a miscommunication or trust issue is involved when "journeling" is sought as a solution to a communication issue or problem.
You seem to have a massive problem with journalling, in such a way as I suspect some bad experience in the past. Certainly they way you talk about it suggests you do not trust any information in written form.

Talking face to face is great (and I am not saying it should not be done as well) but it can be an issue for some. Assuming that there is a trust issue is somewhat generalising, more often there is an issue with shyness or eloquence in spoken communication.

You are clearly more confident in verbal communication (many women are, especially when it comes to talking about feelings) but many men don't like entering into an intense conversation about emotions because it is a battle they never win (and, yes, I know it is not a battle, at least not to a woman's PoV but it is endemic in the male psyche to see everything as a challenge and things which threaten to burst thier ego should be avoided).

Who said anything about a conversation having to be about "emotions" per say, or "intense" :the dominant partner should be quite capable of directing the conversation anyway if they are affriad of open and honest communication or "uncomfortable" about a paticular topic for whatever reason...especially a conversation with someone who they hold dominion over...if they cant talk to the person they hold at their mercy how the heck will they be able to talk to anyone else.
Who said it was the Dominant person who may have the issue? I am thinking more of the sub who may not feel as if they can be as open with their Dom/me as they would like to be in person. Its sometimes hard, especially for men, especially sub men, to share thier feelings about something. It is often easier in those situations to let the Dominant one take control, subsuming their own desires for the pleasure of the Dominant. If done in a particularly subtle manner, the Dominant in question may never even notice this is going on.

Now, with time and careful handling a Domme who does notice this may well be able to train a sub to speak frankly when given permission - during a face to face feedback session. However, for some this may not be possible straight away and the ability to share in a less fraught situation may be beneficial.

Of course if thats the case...the dominant may not be so dominant when it comes to self control and self confidence etc then..and hence may not be as dominant a they think they are.
This is another gross generalisation. Any Dominant who asks a sub to write a journal is therefore not as dominant as they think they are?

Everything discussed here is a tool which can be used. Face to face communication, journalling, e-mails, mobile phones etc are all means of communication which any Dominant may choose to use or ignore as they wish. It all depends on the needs of the relationship at a particular time. As the relationship grows, some tools may be needed less and less while others may find more use. Some relationships may work perfectly without the need for written communication whereas others may require more work. You could argue that couples who are the former are maybe better suited to each other but I am not sure this is necessarily the case. In my experience, every relationship needs work and this work is made easier by some of the tools available.

So, sometimes, a written journal can be beneficial because it allows more honest and open sharing of feelings.

Quite the opposite in fact. Its not like the submissive is writting in a diary that they know no one is going to read.
No, they are writing something deeply personal which they hope will allow someone special to them access to thier deeper thoughts. I don't write anything personal or deep in my diary because I know my own mind and do not feel the need to record any of it for my own personal recollection. I record it so others may read it and hopefully know me better.
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Also, you can get a deeper level of reflection and consideration when you write about something a short while after it is done than you can talking about it immediately and the Dom/me who reads the journal has more time to consider and reflect on it.

No one said anyone had to speak about anything imedieately after or that the dominant would have to respond to anything imedieately.
The majority of this sort of talk takes place immediately after the event. 'How was it for you?' is probably one of the most common questions asked, the reason why it is a cliche...

Plus, an added side effect, the sub has a physical record of their development as a sub and the Dom/me has a record of their development as a Dom/me (both in thier own journals and those of their subs). You can go back and look at previous entries and see a definite change in attitudes and practise.

One can see anything they think they want to see when reading such things too.
There is always room for self delusion but this applies to any form of communication. But if you forget emotions and feelings for a moment and look merely at practical stuff, is it not useful for a Dominant to have something they can review to see how well particular types of play worked? Ok, they may get this from the sub verbally but will they get it in a form which they can remember all the details of (unless they sit and take notes)? Will the sub necessarily remember all the details such as 'the strap on my crotch was digging in too much, it was distracting' so that the Domme can remember to adjust that strap next time? This is all about improvement and development - two things no Dominant nor sub should be able to say they are not in need of.