Obnoxious Housemate 3 - Psychology

[Blue_Monday]

A few thoughts/questions.... of course you the author are the ultimate Dom of this entire fictional world and are not obligated to answer them. "Because I wanted it that way," is perfectly fine!

How does the narrator (did I miss his name?) feel about Lynn? This seems obvious--contempt, irritation. But it's hard to understand why, at the very beginning, he is both brutal and tender with her. Unlike a guy who might fly off the handle and slap a woman, then apologize, our hero totally jumps into the deep end with an arrangement that he can't back out of any more than Lynn can. Yet it doesn't seem to be sheer rage that motivates him--he's cold but gentle. Cold I can understand. Why gentle? (For instance, why does he use a butt plug rather than her Jesus statue? Especially since this is fiction, what made you hold back from total bloody violence?)

With this elaborate setup, it seems like he's fascinated with Lynn as much as disgusted with her. If he really hates her being around, why doesn't he just blackmail her to move out or leave him alone? (I guess because then we'd have no story!) But really, is he turned on by her? Or does he feel that sex (even more so than another type of violence or blackmail) is the most effective way to hurt her? Has he been feeling subjugated, and just enjoying having the upper hand?

I rather like Lynn's silence--not only that she doesn't talk, but that the narrator doesn't attempt to divine her feelings. In a typical story, the sub is emotional and the Dom private--I like the mysterious sub. You don't know what she's thinking, and you don't much care (for now).

If I had one suggestion to balance out the story, it would be to see a little more of the housemates *before* the day Lynn went silent. Just a day or two worth of "typical" Lynn behavior, so we can understand why the narrator is so sick of her, or possibly to build up some sexual tension between them.

Okay, sorry to be your therapist here. :-) I'm just really interested in these characters and sharing some questions I have as a reader. We don't always know what motivates characters, but when we find out, their motivations seem to propel the story.

Great work and looking forward to more!

[Clevernick]

With this elaborate setup, it seems like he's fascinated with Lynn as much as disgusted with her. If he really hates her being around, why doesn't he just blackmail her to move out or leave him alone? (I guess because then we'd have no story!) But really, is he turned on by her? Or does he feel that sex (even more so than another type of violence or blackmail) is the most effective way to hurt her? Has he been feeling subjugated, and just enjoying having the upper hand?

Blue, I had to add that this question really made me smile, because only a female would ask it. Ask any young single man if he'd have sex for 2 weeks with a woman, having seen only her picture and that she was good looking, and I'd bet 98% would say yes, without hesitation. The 2% who hesitated would be wondering if she was psychotic and likely to murder them in their sleep or go Lorena Bobbitt on them.

Since Lynn is portrayed as moderately attractive, 20, and not actually violently psycho, and "S" is portrayed as normal, 20, single, and reasonably sexually active, (or at least wanting to be) there is no motivation at all required for him to ask her for 2 weeks' sex. Even if he hates her, it's a good thing. He doesn't have to be fascinated with her, or want to hurt her, or even like her.

He just wants to use her. Plain and simple. He wants sex, she can provide it. She's a free prostitute. The humiliation/subjugation is important, and there are several other layers above that as you saw, and as I provide in my other answer. But they're not necessary for most men to identify with the basic motivation.

I always find it a bit funny when a woman assumes a man must really like her, or be fascinated with her, or want to hurt her, when all he wants is her body. Sometimes, to paraphrase Freud, a penis is just a penis.

Does anyone think I'm way off here?

I suspect that if women had evolved so that there would be no personal consequences to sex, they might feel the same way more often than they do.

Personally, after about 1 to 2 weeks, I would start to form an emotional attachment, or failing that, a strong repulsion. So the 4 weeks wouldn't have worked for me. But that's just me-- everyone's different on that score.

[Satan_Klaus]

Hello Clevernick,

I just started reading your story and immediately realized that you are up to something great. So immediately, while reading, I made a list of things that bugged me so you could improve on them. Even though that might seem nitpicky or patronizing, I only do this for stories I REALLY enjoy because it somewhat dampens the reading experience. So please don't be annoyed and at least pretend to feel honored.

First:Sometimes I get the feeling that you are compulsively trying to keep the story "safe sane and consensual". Like replacing 'Jesus' with a plug.
Well blackmail and solar-plexus punching are not SSC-certified. It is good if your 'hero' has some code of personal ethics he abides by. It keeps the story from slipping into blood, gore and murder and also makes him so much more likable, but I feel a little of 'double standards' and hypocrisy in his reasoning. Not hurting a woman is obviously not part of his ethics but other things might be. You must find a standard of honor that is not too limiting for your story but not too broad to violate your own good taste and then stick to it.


The second thing that bugged me was Lynn having an ugly face. I'm somewhat ambivalent about this. It's something of an turnoff but on the other hand real people are not porn stars.

The third thing that I thought about is this: 'S' seems so well prepared, regarding not only his equipment but also mentally that he must have planned this in advance. Normal people don't just pull off something like this without blinking with an eye. They need serious planning to bolster their resolve.

Fourth: The first chapter is in the present while in the second part you switch to past tense. I think this is illegally switching narrative time (beginning in the past and moving on into the present would be ok)

Fifth: "I guess she’d had only nice experiences with bondage so far." from the lower half of chapter two. She is a devout conservative christian, I would think that her only experience in bodage so far would be with 'S'.
(and not that nice...)

Contempt and irritation, but also some attraction.

A wiser man than me once said that love and hate are both attracting emotions. We are invariably fascinated by what we hate and so it is quite understandably that once he has silenced her, practically eliminating the initial reason why he hates, the fascination remains.


If you like, I will continue commenting on your story while i read further chapters.

Satan_Klaus

[Clevernick]

Thanks for the feedback and the claim of greatness!

[QUOTE=Satan_Klaus;305574]Hello Clevernick,

First:Sometimes I get the feeling that you are compulsively trying to keep the story "safe sane and consensual". Like replacing 'Jesus' with a plug.
Well blackmail and solar-plexus punching are not SSC-certified.
It is good if your 'hero' has some code of personal ethics he abides by.

Good comment, but not quite how I see it. I don't consider the limitations I place on my hero in this part to be ethical ones, or attempts at consensuality. He's not being ethical, he's being practical. The code in this part is simply "what can I get away with, without causing anyone physical damage, or leaving obvious evidence for the police?". In a more foresighted sense, he's hoping Lynn will, by that evening, come to him on her own, rather than taking her injured ass to the hospital or police station, or finding 3 large boyfriends to come back with her to beat him up. For practical reasons, damage is not permitted, and part of the game is convincing Lynn that she has consented, whether in fact she has or not.

You must find a standard of honor that is not too limiting for your story but not too broad to violate your own good taste and then stick to it.

To my mind, that's just what I've done. I couldn't have said it any better.

The second thing that bugged me was Lynn having an ugly face. I'm somewhat ambivalent about this. It's something of an turnoff but on the other hand real people are not porn stars.

Lynn isn't ugly. She's graceless, and with an unattractive mouth. You could actually say the same for many porn stars, and it doesn't seem to limit their success.

The third thing that I thought about is this: 'S' seems so well prepared, regarding not only his equipment but also mentally that he must have planned this in advance. Normal people don't just pull off something like this without blinking with an eye. They need serious planning to bolster their resolve.

Yep, that's a serious flaw all right. Yes, you are 100% right. He has the benefit of my having thought about it far too long. I guess that's what happens when I try to represent a fantasy as reality. I haven't even earned the suspension of disbelief that comes in a musical film, where everyone spontaneously starts singing and dancing, without interrupting the story line. I'll have to put this one down to artistic license.

Looking back at this, I could have done it better -- I could have found some way to show he'd been plotting such a conquest for ages beforehand, but that would require Lynn to have had a habit of shower-pounding. And she didn't, it was a one-time thing. So without being flip, I really can't think of a good way to fix it.

Fourth: The first chapter is in the present while in the second part you switch to past tense. I think this is illegally switching narrative time (beginning in the past and moving on into the present would fix it)

Yes. I found the present tense awkward so I dropped it after the first chapter. I knew it, but you're the first to comment on it. If and when I ever collect this and publish it, I'll either make that consistent, or rearrange the chapters into story and flashback, if it works better.

Fifth: "I guess she’d had only nice experiences with bondage so far." from the lower half of chapter two. She is a devout conservative christian, I would think that her only experience in bodage so far would be with 'S'.
(and not that nice...)

It was a little joke to myself. I was referring to her previous experience with S. I guess it wasn't funny, so I'll probably take it out.

A wiser man than me once said that love and hate are both attracting emotions. We are invariably fascinated by what we hate and so it is quite understandably that once he has silenced her, practically eliminating the initial reason why he hates, the fascination remains.

Very wise and I agree.

If you like, I will continue commenting on your story while i read further chapters.

Yes, please do!

P.S. I also liked the mindfuck aspect of making Lynn THINK she had a Jesus statuette up her ass. That in itself was appealing, almost as much as the practical outcome of not tearing her ass to ribbons.

[Satan_Klaus]

Good comment, but not quite how I see it. I don't consider the limitations I place on my hero in this part to be ethical ones, or attempts at consensuality. He's not being ethical, he's being practical.

At least later, (chapter3) he seems to have serious moral issues.

I guess the situation could be defused by using less force in the beginning. He is probably a lot stronger than Lyn and could overpower her without beating her up.

Lynn isn't ugly. She's graceless, and with an unattractive mouth. You could actually say the same for many porn stars, and it doesn't seem to limit their success.

Excerpt Chapter1: "...as ugly as her face and soul were..."

Keep in mind that as the Author you can imagine your charaters much better than your readers. Not everything will come across as you intend it.

Looking back at this, I could have done it better -- I could have found some way to show he'd been plotting such a conquest for ages beforehand, but that would require Lynn to have had a habit of shower-pounding. And she didn't, it was a one-time thing. So without being flip, I really can't think of a good way to fix it.

Well he didn't have to plan everything meticulously. Just the firm intention to do something about the 'Lynn situation' is enough. He may have thought of blackmail as a good way to get at this Uberchristian bitch.

Maybe he even had doubts if he could carry it through but that angry moment in the bathroom made his descision.

P.S. I also liked the mindfuck aspect of making Lynn THINK she had a Jesus statuette up her ass.

I'd like to think that not all Jesus statuettes are unusable as sex toys. Of course the crown of thorns might hurt a little and once you get to the cross bar, things get REEEAAALY ugly.

Seriously, though when I read read your story I was thinking of one where he was depicted standing with his hands folded in front of him. Those might not be entirely sex toy certified but safe enough.

I just loved the imagery of shoving Jesus up her ass and somehow felt cheated...

Satan_Klaus

PS: On an blasphemous afterthought, Mother Mary could be quite suitable as a sex toy; the head of baby Jesus provides the little 'bump' that the ladies just love!

[Clevernick]

I guess the situation could be defused by using less force in the beginning. He is probably a lot stronger than Lyn and could overpower her without beating her up.

Funny I never considered that possibility. Possibly because it's not true in my memory. Lynn's a healthy girl who keeps in shape. S is a skinny guy who doesn't. The element of surprise would be needed, or he might well get his balls handed to him.

Excerpt Chapter1: "...as ugly as her face and soul were..."

Keep in mind that as the Author you can imagine your charaters much better than your readers. Not everything will come across as you intend it.

Good point! Keep in mind though not to take feelings and judgements literally. S is telling chapter 1 in present tense. To him, at that moment, she's the God Squad slobby intolerable tormenting housemate who is making him miserable. He will magnify her unattractive mouth into ugliness.

Later on when she's silent and compliant, he is less critical of her looks, and she's really not all that bad. Not "America's Next Model" material, but ok. And by chapter 3 he's no longer talking about putting a bag over her head.

Well he didn't have to plan everything meticulously. Just the firm intention to do something about the 'Lynn situation' is enough. He may have thought of blackmail as a good way to get at this Uberchristian bitch.

Maybe he even had doubts if he could carry it through but that angry moment in the bathroom made his descision.

Yes, that might well work.

I just loved the imagery of shoving Jesus up her ass and somehow felt cheated...

Well, with the way she's been getting used and stretched over the course of the story, she may end up using Jesus that way herself by the end! You may yet get your wish.