Just when you think he's not listening...

[jeanne]

I just have to share this story - it gives me hope!

Yesterday my car broke down on the way home from work. Called my husband to come look at it. While I was waiting for him, I indulged in a fantasy based on the particular circumstance. Well, he wasn't able to get the car going, so AAA was called for a tow. During the 1 hour+ (!) wait, I told him a little about my fantasy - basically that I was a poor stranded woman who had no money to pay my mechanic/rescuer and had to reward him another way. His response? "Well, it's a good thing I got here before the tow truck driver." That's it. Not the most positive, eh? Fast forward 3 hours, got home, ate, etc. He takes a shower, comes into the living room, sits in his favorite chair and says, "Now, I believe you said something about a reward?" Next thing I know, I'm on my knees, mouth full - you know the rest. I grinned like a fool the rest of the night! (and he was doing the Dom happy dance described by tessa in her thread - I'm starting to see that a little more often)

[gagged_Louise]

Oh, you lucky slut! So good.

[jeanne]

louise, I knew you'd appreciate this

"lucky slut", yep that's me! full of gratitude and happiness (and I'm still grinning like a fool this morning, even woke up smiling which is soooo not me!)

[Guest 91108]

AFter reading this thread and then going to catch up on Tessa's..... wonders about the Happy Dom Dance.

* I think I do this quiet often mof. *

[jeanne]

Wolfscout - after reading your posts these last few weeks, I think you do the Dom's happy dance on a daily basis...and many sub happy dances occur as a result!

[Guest 91108]

his_j , thanks.. I would hope you're right on that.
IF a Dom does the Happy Dom dance I think it's safe to assume that the subbie who got him there is also doing their own happy sub dance ...

[jeanne]

good assumption, that's the case with me and all those whose post I read here - our happiness and joy comes from our Dom's satisfaction and pleasure. Of course, we too get exactly what we want and need!

[Guest 91108]

That is how it should be.

[angelic.zest]

Great story!!!! *smilees*

[cadence]

It is good to hear you are moving forward with things.

[Rhabbi]

See, men are not hopeless.

[jeanne]

Oh Rhabbi, of course not! He chooses to listen or not listen (and since I sometimes get really talky, not listening is a viable option ) I do the same when he talks cars with our eldest son, it sounds like the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons to me - Wahh, waah, waah, like a muffled bullhorn!

But, I'm slowly beginning to realize that he hears more than I think, especially when I'm convinced he didn't pay attention to a word I said...and most especially related to our current way of interacting with each other. He's not one to talk things to death (and I am) and I'm finally (after 22 years, I'm the clueless one here!) understanding that simply because he doesn't respond to new information the same way I do, doesn't mean he isn't interested. Truly, I have spent waaaay to much time worrying about what he thinks about all this "BDSM stuff" and the needs I have expressed to him, when the reality is, he's doing his best to fulfill those needs on his own schedule (as it should be) and beginning to express through his actions some dominant needs of his own.

I think it's just getting to the point that there's a momentum here now and I need to just relax and let him take more of the lead - quit worrying about MY needs and seriously start thinking about and acting on HIS.

You know, initially I thought he was the one who would get the most self-knowledge and have the larger struggle incorporating dominance into his life - not true. It's me, with my early fairy tale view of what this really is and means to me and how I integrate submission into my daily life that is changing the most. It's harder than it looks on first glance, but is becoming so rewarding and comfortable, I wonder how I ever lived without it.

Enough out of me - have a wonderful day!
jeanne

[Aussiegirl1]

Oh, It sounds like you and your hubby are on a wonderful journey of discovery! It is great too that you are learning to relax and really enjoy the give of submission you are giving him. It is such a joy to have that feeling of peace in your life.

Good luck as you both continue to learn and grow

Aussiegirl

[tessa]

~flies into the room, runs to jeanne, hugs her up and giggles in delight~

Oh sweetie!!!!! I have the biggest smile on my face!! Isn't it wonderful! Just out of the blue like that, when you thought it just wasn't to be. ~sighs all happy like, wiping away the happy tears~ I vigorously nodded in agreement when you said,

I think it's just getting to the point that there's a momentum here now and I need to just relax and let him take more of the lead - quit worrying about MY needs and seriously start thinking about and acting on HIS.

Exactly! And it was such a wonderful reminder to hear you say it just the way you did.

~twirls around in the hug with jeanne~

I am sooooooooooo happy for you!!!

Hey!! Let's do the happy subbie dance together, okay??



What fun!

~hugs and hugs~
tessa

[tessa]

~flies back in to jeanne's thread, dragging Louise with me~

All together now! Happy subbie dance!!!

[jeanne]

Aussiegirl - thanks so much for your encouragement! I have learned so much about this life choice in the last few weeks from all the women here...with lots more to learn still.

Oh, tessa, you are such a bubbly joy! I'm definitely dancing...

[Echoes]

i am so happy for you also...this whole post made me smile and glow inside, thank you for sharing this!

now i must scramble off to read tesse's journey some more before i stumble to bed!
~hugs~

[Mishka]

Broken down cars do have happy endings. Glad you and your sweetie are enjoying the journey.

[jeanne]

Echoes and mishka - thanks so much for your encouragement, I get a lot of support from your information, sympathy, openness and accounts of your own steps in this choice...

Giant strides occurred this past weekend - truthfully, it's a little scary since I haven't processed it all yet. Just that he has definitely turned the corner from "I'm doing this for you" to "now, I'm doing this for me". There's a quote in a book about BDSM I read - basically, it says that when you're teaching a new Dom, there comes a time when you realize you are no longer alone with a "trainee", but rather alone with a Dominant. That happened this weekend and boy, what a ride. Of course, being new at this myself, that realization created a real shift in my thinking and perceptions, which I found a little surprising. So, I just hung on and let what was going to happen, happen. It's definitely a new level (for lack of a better word) of BDSM for us, one we are both becoming more comfortable with. Lots of firsts this weekend - first time with a crop, first butt plug, first time being tied while beaten, first time D/s has really entered our life throughout the course of the day, whew, just writing this gives me lots of really nifty chills.

Thank God for 3-day weekends and teenagers that are rarely home!

[gagged_Louise]

Wow Jeanne, that sounds great and I can feel the sense of anticipation in your words. Hope to hear much more, and to be able to reply in kind soon.

[jeanne]

A celebratory update:

We went to our first "play event", an outdoor daytime gathering. It wasn't even my idea - he was just musing that he'd maybe enjoy observing others in an outdoor environment, something mellow and relaxing. I knew about an upcoming event from some new friends in our local community, so before you can say "What?!", we were making plans to attend!

I felt the event was safe - very well attended with a multi-year history in the kinky community. It was well-organized, with first aid assistance on hand if needed, plenty of water available in case of heat stroke, and a well-stocked dungeon tent.

We're both really glad we went - we learned a lot by watching, made some new friends and saw some equipment/implements that we are planning to acquire in the near future. (I can't wait for "ceiling hook installation day"! Along with "spanking bench building day", "flogger and cuffs shopping day", "pick out a collar day"...) So much of this I knew I wanted, but didn't ask for - I've been practicing patience and letting him set the pace. Believe me, the pace has picked up exponentially!

(A little break to do my happy dance...)

I spent most of the day naked - which I really enjoyed. We saw some really hot scenes - very inspirational for us both - in fact, my husband was inspired before the day was over to put me on my knees with his cock in my mouth - right there in front of God and everyone! And yes, I completely lost myself in the whole experience. What a delicious, overwhelming submissive feeling it was. Who knew I had an exhibitionist streak that's apparently a mile wide?!

In summary - we learned a lot about ourselves and each other in a short period of time, have had some really productive conversations since, and our play has become more intense (yippee!). Plus, incorporating this into our everyday feels more natural to us both.

My insides have just been wriggling with joy the last few days...

[Logic1]

that sounds lovely
a day without learning something new is a lost day isnt it?

I sure wish there were events here like you got over there.

[jeanne]

a day without learning something new is a lost day isnt it?

Yes. Yes it is. My husband is really beginning to embrace this part of himself - something I don't think he really realized existed within him. But, now that he knows, he's enjoying exploring it. Of course, so am I!

The really cool thing about that day - we both said "I love you" more in that single day than in any other day of the 22+ years we've been together. The connection we felt with each other was so strong. Perhaps one of the reasons was the fact that it was the first day since we began exploring this path that I actually spent the entire day at his feet. What a comfortable, lovely feeling it was, for both of us.

[tessa]

And I weep. jeanne, I am just elated for you both! What a joy to read your words.

~hugs~
tessa

[Alex Bragi]

*g* What a man! Your'e a lucky woman.

[Logic1]

*g* What a man! Your'e a lucky woman.

lol
I can turn that around aswell. He is one lucky man
(he found a part of himself that he didnt know he had in him and a wife that loved it.. that´s like winning the lottery twice in a row)

congratulations to you both