Tessa's 3rd assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Here is your scenario:


Your Significant Other just called. It is the day before your anniversary. Business dictates will keep him out of town for your anniversary -- again. Just like it did on New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, and your last two birthdays and last 4 anniversaries.

You decide to take yourself out for a celebration. Give me some serious revenge sex. Who will it be with, what is the attraction? Give me a lusty, passionate, tongue and teeth one night stand.



Have fun and i really look forward to reading this.

rose

[tessa]

Give me some serious revenge sex. Who will it be with, what is the attraction? Give me a lusty, passionate, tongue and teeth one night stand.

Oh, thank you, most wonderful writing instructor!!!

This is gonna be one wild amount of fun!

Revenge is best served hot and wet and raw. Hey...that might be the opener to my story~

[suchaminx]

tessa

good luck, can't wait to read it ~smiles and hugs~

minxy xx

[Mad Lews]

:
This is gonna be one wild amount of fun!

Revenge is best served hot and wet and raw. Hey...that might be the opener to my story~

And the best part is we all get to watch ...ahh read, yeah read
(don't worry Lews, I'll read it out loud)

Mad

[tessa]

And the best part is we all get to watch ...ahh read, yeah read (don't worry Lews, I'll read it out loud)

I was going to offer my services to Lews, but as long as someone is going to assist the dear creature, that is all that matters.

Just please let me know if (and if so, how much) he drools over my words? Might prove encouraging for a practicing prose pupil such as myself.

[Mad Lews]

Standing by with bucket and ruler.
Get thee to thy keyboard wench!
Mad

[Dragon's muse]

Just remember to laminate the pages before you start reading them.

[tessa]

Ok, I have to be done with this. I am sorry it took so much time to complete! I tried writing it as a short revenge-sex story, but it just wouldn't stay put. It turned into something else entirely. And rose, you told me to give it all to you, so I am. I hope that's okay. If it's not, I can try it again? Anyway, here it is.
*********************************
Cancellations

Julia placed the phone back into its base so carefully and easily that had anyone been watching, they would have thought she was handling the Queen’s own china. Her gaze shifted to the other side of the desk where a silver and mahogany frame held a photo of her husband. Reaching to pick up the picture, her thoughts were blank and numb. Nothing much of anything wandered across the landscape of her mind as she dispassionately took in the handsome features of the man she had been married to for the last 11 years. With as much care as she provided for the phone, she replaced the frame in its proper position. She rose from the chair in her bedroom, intending to head into the kitchen to calm herself with a cup of warm, soothing Chamomile tea. She got as far as the doorway leading from the room before her tightly held composure shattered into a million furious fragments.

“That useless excuse of a bastard husband! Arrogant piece of shit ass wipe!” The words rushed out of her, the dam of equanimity giving way to the years of built-up frustrations and silent screams. The lexis surprising her as much as the vehemence with which they were uttered.

Her thoughts were now scorching and volatile as she turned around to make her way back to the table that held the picture of her spouse. With none of the careful concern from moments earlier, Julia snatched up the frame and proceeded to bash the image of her husband against the corner of the table, time and time and time – and time - again. Dark auburn hair whipped about her face like slashes of fire as the viciousness of the blows increased. Her vision filled with the vivid black and reds and brilliant whites of unadulterated rage. Not until the frame began to splinter and gouge into her hand did she stop. Desperate anger and dark disappointment rained over her in torrents. Dragging heavy and ragged gulps of air into her lungs, she fell back into the same chair she had only just left.

“Oh mercy, that felt good!” She thought to herself then lowered her face into splintered, blood-smeared hands.

It came as a complete shock to Julia that she did not cry. For so many years her tears had come quickly, giving outlet to insulted emotions. Never before had she so completely lost herself in the anger, despite having felt the ragged edges of that particular emotion on numerous occasions. A woman wasn’t married to a man like Jordan without getting angry at times. She found she wanted to cry, hoped that the tears would cool the boiling fury. Her face was dry as she looked up from her hands to survey the damage she’d done. The corner of the desk would need refinishing and the frame was now trash. She observed the glass that sprinkled like stars over the rug. Oh well, it would have to be dealt with tomorrow. All she wanted to do right now was find the sweet oblivion of sleep.

But sleep didn’t come so easily. Her mind swirled with her thoughts. She couldn’t help but wonder over her outburst. Jordan had cancelled plans on her before. Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries were never exempt from the changes in schedule that were prone to happen. The first time he’d done such a thing, they had been married for less than a year. Jordan had called from a break in a meeting to inform her that he would be flying out to New York within the hour.

“What about our vacation plans?” She had asked with such disbelief in her voice.

In a voice laced with distracted annoyance, he had replied, “Can’t be helped, Julia.”

Oh, how she had cried. And cried. After weeping uncontrollably for too many hours, the tears had abated to the point where they only cascaded down her face in brief bursts instead of constant showers. After all these years, she could still recall the pain his absence had caused. Her father offered no comfort. He was the one who had sent Jordan on the damn business trip. Her father had always been more concerned with business than almost anything else. That it was her life the trip affected made no difference to him.

It had happened countless times since. She had steeled herself off from the pain of Jordan’s cancellations. Perhaps this time his callous disregard of their anniversary plans slapped against her because she had, on several different occasions of late, let him know how very important this trip was to her. And it was important. The marriage that had started off with so much promise was now avoiding a dangerous plunge, in part because of a half-hearted prayer mumbled in her more wistful moments. She still loved her husband, in ways and for reasons she didn’t care to inspect too closely. And her husband loved her, albeit in a fashion most people do not seek to wear. The state of her marriage was far from a head above water, but she clung to it as if it would save her – from what, she wasn’t sure. The fear of losing her marriage didn’t disturb her as much as the effect a divorce would have on the company. That realization should have told her more than it did.

“I am so very tired of putting up with this. I will show him what pain is.” Those were the words going through her troubled mind as she tumbled into a restless sleep.

The next morning, after rising much earlier than she wanted, Julia made her way to the office. So much waited for her there, so she tried putting a positive spin on the day, telling herself she could get the piles of work down to a manageable level. At least it would keep her mind off Jordan. She did not want to think about him or their marriage. So, she would work. And lie to herself that it all didn’t matter.

Barely settled behind her desk, she heard a voice from the corridor. “In really early this morning, aren’t you? Is 5:00 am the new 7:45 for you?”

She looked up to see Drake standing at the door. Solid, dependable, handsome Drake, the one man whom she didn’t mind setting her eyes on right now. “Ugh, I hope not! I wouldn’t want to start up with your bad habits.” Julia smiled as she spoke. “I just had some work I wanted to get an early jump on.” Was it her imagination, or did she flirtatiously emphasize that last part?

She stood and walked around to the front of her desk as she spoke to him, smoothing down the deep gray fabric of her skirt. The cool blue of her shirt emphasized the dark auburn of her hair and the smoldering darkness of her eyes. She leaned back against the desk, crossed one slim ankle over the other and smiled over at him.

Julia took the time to look at him in a way she hadn’t done for years now. Drake was model-gorgeous with his thick, wavy dark brown hair and those deep green eyes that could penetrate right through someone if he was of a mind to do that. His suit jacket would be hung neatly in the small closet in his own office. It left the upper part of his toned physique covered in a dark blue tailored shirt enhanced by the black and blue silk of the tie. The suit pants fit perfectly over his muscled legs, emphasizing the length of them. Her eyes continued their downward path to the cowboy boots he always wore with his suits- black leather scrolled with an intricate design in the same color. Those boots were so out of place with the man she knew him to be.

Drake was the CFO for the company, a real accountant type if one ever was. A quiet, solitary man who seemingly arranged his life as he did the numbers, all neatly and precisely in columns and rows. So while the rest of his clothing fit the persona, the boots, no matter how many times she saw them, still managed to surprise her. Drake had come to work for the company after an internship he completed during his college years. Julia, at 19, had thought Drake to be a “real hottie”, but never considered going out with him, not that he’d even asked. They were close friends and had that ease of years together feeling happening between them. If she were to admit the truth of it, she was a little intimidated by Drake. Okay, a lot intimidated. So she had always worked to make it casual with him. No sense fanning a blaze that had nowhere to burn.

Where Drake was dark and serious, her husband was bright and lively. Everywhere Jordan went, life followed. That was just how it worked with him. When Jordan had asked her out, Julia was flattered enough to say yes. Jordan had his own dynamic with which he drew people in closer. She was still in college the first time they went out, but as soon as she graduated and began working at the company, Jordan and Julia were one in the same. Drake had been her father’s first choice for his daughter’s love interest. When Julia agreed to marry Jordan, her father let it be known that while he approved, he wasn’t as happy about it as he would have been if it were Drake he would be calling his future son-in-law. Her father’s feelings on the matter weren’t lost to either man. It caused real friction between them all. If Julia had her way, she was about to up the friction level by leaps and bounds. Some of what she was thinking must have registered on her face.

“If I may ask. Does that expression on your face have anything to do with your inspection of me?” His tone was less than serious, but his eyes held a hint of concern.

Julia blushed deeply as she realized that she had been looking him over quite intensely. She felt so awkward all of the sudden. Her eyes found a spot on the floor to focus on. “I…I am sorry, Drake. That was rather rude of me, wasn’t it? I don’t have any good excuse. All I can say is that it’s been a rough last night and this morning and I am not feeling quite myself.” Her next attempt at a smile failed. God! If he only knew what she'd been thinking!

“Well, your anniversary plans were cancelled on you. That would disappoint anyone, Julia.” The way Drake said her name, the way he curled it up at the end, made her look up sharply at him.

His gaze was concentrated directly on her, in a way she’d never seen before. She couldn’t look away. It was a gaze that had her shifting in her seat, making her that uncomfortable. That look also held the hint of heat and wildness and passion. This gaze was new and confusing for her. The intensity frightened her. Ok, maybe he did know what she had been thinking, but now she wasn't so sure all this was such a grand idea. So she did what came naturally in these moments of confusion and fear. Julia donned her angry mask.

“Do you make it part of your day to keep up with my life happenings, Drake?” She used the same cadence in her voice when saying his name as he had done with hers. “And what’s it to you anyway, Drake?” Again, Julia made a point of slapping his name out at him.

Drake looked almost amused as he watched her face take on the blush of indignation. “You aren’t angry with me. Don’t throw Jordan’s failings as a husband at me to see if they’ll stick. They won’t because I’m not Jordan. I never was and I never will be. You of all people should know that, Julia.” His tone was hard, but his eyes held a look that reached out to her.

Julia felt her skin flash with heat as she stared into that ice-green gaze of his. “I don’t know anything about you, Drake.” From a place deep, deep inside her, she felt this overwhelming need to take the truth and turn it into this lie.

Breathing became a luxury when Drake shifted from his place at the door and walked inside her office. His eyes never left Julia’s as he moved his hand to the doorknob and locked it. The air was thick with tension and anger- and something else Julia couldn’t name. Didn’t want to name. She watched Drake walk steadily towards her and felt an overwhelming urge to run. Not giving in to the flight instinct, she held her place, her gaze as fierce and icy hot as his. One fleeting thought brushed back over her mind as Drake moved towards her- “Jordan won’t like this a bit.” That thought made a hint of a smile curve her lips upward.

Julia had to look up as Drake came to stand in front of her. She gripped the edge of the desk, as if it would somehow save her from drowning in the feelings that were overwhelming her. Drake’s gaze continued to intensify as he stared down at her. Every thought Julia had intended to voice vanished under the power of that look. He was searching her soul for her secrets. She feared he would find them all.

His low voice cut straight into the heart of her. “You know everything, Julia. You know me.” All parts of her registered that as fact in the seconds before Drake leaned down to kiss her.

When their lips touched, pure electricity arced between them. Her moan mixed with his groan. Years of unrealized desire slammed into them at the same moment in time. Drake’s hands slid up Julia’s back, up over her shoulders to settle into her mane of fire-colored hair. Slowly and very deliberately, he pulled against her hair, angling her head back, forcing her face to be more accessible to him. Drake kissed her as if he could breathe her in through his lips. Julia was drowning in the depths of it. Almost violently, he tore his mouth off hers just enough to allow their eyes to focus on each other. That one look spoke years of secret thoughts. Julia had only a moment to consider the implications of the look before Drake stole all her thoughts from her, again with a kiss. There was nothing gentle or even sane in the act. Nothing but raw, vibrant energy laced with pure lust had a place here with them.

Drake’s voice was no more than a growl as he whispered against her lips. “Touch me.”

The sound that escaped Julia’s throat was foreign to her, but Drake seemed to translate it perfectly. As her hand left the safety of its grip on the desk and moved closer to his body, one of Drake’s hands left her hair to settle on top of the hand that stilled just in front of him. He pulled her hand to the center of his body and pressed it against the fabric-covered hard length of him. Moaning out his name, Julia molded her hand against him, desperate now for more. The small cry of hurt that flew from her mouth coincided with the scrape of teeth sinking into the flesh of her shoulder. That much pain mixed with that much pleasure sent waves of desire spiraling straight through her.

Julia was past the point of rational now. This was quickly becoming less about revenge on her husband and so much more about the man pressed against her body right at this moment. He tore a gasp from her as his hand played along the inside of her thigh. The upward slide of his fingers captured her full attention. His knee shifted between her legs, pushing them apart. A thought burst through Julia’s haze of lust and desire a second before Drake’s hand slid to the very top of her inner thigh.

His words gave voice to her thought. “No panties, Julia. How accommodating of you.” The wickedness of his smile brought an actual blush to her face.

Thinking of how to respond made little sense after Drake slipped one of his fingers along her impossibly wet slit. Moans turned to whimpers as her need deepened. Without further coaxing, Julia spread her legs wider, silently begging for more. And more she got as he pushed one solitary finger up inside her. He pulled back to watch her face as he fucked into her this way. Drowning in his gaze, Julia fought to breathe. All at once she was very aware of everything that was happening. With a tiny sound, she tried to move away from him, to close herself off in some way. Her panic must have reflected in her eyes. Drake moved his other hand to her leg, stilling her movements. Not only did he stop her from pulling away, he spread her legs open even more.

“Watch.” That one word commanded and charmed equally.

Very slowly, Julia lowered her gaze from his eyes to where his hand moved against her. Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight of his long, tapered finger sliding in and out of her. As she watched, Drake added a second finger inside, stroking up and slow, creating such need and longing that Julia felt as if she would go insane if he didn’t stop. But he didn’t stop. This man that she had always thought of as quiet and so reserved was controlling her body, blatant in the pleasure it was bringing to them both.

The two of them found a rhythm, her hips thrusting up to meet his hand as he fucked his fingers into her faster and faster. Julia felt the spiral of release spinning down low. Drake heard her breathing quicken, felt the tightening of her body around his fingers. Her eyes flew up to his, knowing that he would bring her orgasm with the next stroke. When he stopped his movements, Julia felt as if the Earth had stopped spinning. It was all she could do not to scream out her frustration.

Drake's smile was as frightening as it was brilliant. “Say please.”

Julia could do nothing but stare at him, a rage of emotions clawing at her. I can’t do this! This isn’t what I thought! I want him so much I can’t think! What is happening? Oh god, please don’t stop! Help me! All these thoughts poured over her sex-soaked mind.

His hand was still against her body, but those fingers moved inside her, vividly reminding Julia of what he was offering. Their gazes locked together, his eyes bright with desire and something more, something Julia wanted to understand. Lips parted as mouths met together again. The kiss was soft, so soft and gentle it made Julia strain to deepen it.

“Say please.” Words wrapped in silky promise whispered against her lips.

The sound that spilled from Julia was a mix of frustration and want and need. Each feeling built up the other in its intensity. Experiencing everything all at once was overwhelming. As she stared into the green depths of Drake’s gaze, Julia knew he was seeing into her soul.

“Please! Drake? Oh, please!” Her fingers dug into his arm as the words tumbled from her lips. This was about more than her orgasm, so much more. They both knew that.

Drake's hand began its movement inside her at the same time his thumb came in contact with her now incredibly sensitive clit. Pressing into that soft, swollen flesh, he pushed his fingers deep inside her. He brought her screaming into her release, hips pumping up off the table as her head fell back. Drake took in the sight of Julia connected to him in this way, her head flung back and her mouth open in a now silent scream. The contractions of her cunt squeezing around his fingers made him groan out loud. Even the shuddering breath she sucked into her body allowed him to feel her in a most stunning way.

Drake watched as Julia came back from the place she had tumbled into, watched as her eyes cleared and looked up at him, almost as if she were seeing him for the very first time. He looked at her in much the same way.

Drake took much more time than was necessary to remove his fingers from Julia’s still spasming center. Making sure her eyes stayed focused on him, he brought his fingers to her lips, painting them with the juices covering his skin. He smiled down as her eyes widened and her breathing hitched out of her. After teasing her until she whimpered for them, he pushed his fingers into her mouth. Taste and touch and scent melded together in a potent mix of sensuality. Julia’s tongue darted over and under the very things that had been deep inside her only moments before. She sucked those fingers in hard and deep, basking in the sensations that came with the act.

This feels so right. The thought was so powerfully felt that Julia, for a moment, thought that maybe she had uttered it aloud.

Drake withdrew his fingers from the moist heat of her mouth. Julia stayed as she was, legs spread open wide, mouth slightly parted and eyes closed. He brought both his hands up to cup her face. He kissed her so thoroughly and so deeply, the world simply fell away, leaving them to be one in that space.

Never enough, never enough, never enough! Neither had any idea that they both shared the same exact thought. Wonderment filled both their gazes as they pulled away from the kiss. If they had known, would they have? The only answer to be found was ‘yes’.

Drake stepped back a step, a slight frown marring his features. Somehow, Julia knew what he was going to say before he said it. Her breath froze in her lungs as she waited. She welcomed it and dreaded it in equal amounts.

Drake's voice was low and even as he spoke. “Part of this, what just happened between us, was about Jordan. For you as well as me. I regret that. It won’t happen again.”

Julia didn’t move a muscle, didn’t so much as blink while she waited to see if Drake had anything else to say. He did.

“It won’t happen again because the next time, Julia, hear me now, the next time will only be you and me. Only us. Know that.” The room fell silent as they stared long and hard at each other. Drake turned to leave her office.

Something precious and beautiful settled over her as she watched him softly close the door. Next time. Oh, there would be a next time!

And Julia breathed.
*******************************

[H Dean]

I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was quite well presented and, especially early on, her rage was quite believable. I do have a couple of complaints; minor, yet significant. These complaints are regarding a few choices in wording.

After weeping uncontrollably for way too many hours, the tears had abated to the point where they only cascaded down her face in brief bursts instead of constant showers.

The simplicity of one word can make something very solid take a sophomoric turn. "Way" does not belong, especially considering the superior stylistic presentation of this story. I would suggest replacing "way" with "far". Though the meanings are the same, essentially, one sounds to be coming from a teenager and the other from a writer with solid command of the language.

Solid, dependable, really handsome Drake,

Again, superior stylization of a piece of fiction with a word more suitable for a teenagers writing thrown in. I am sure you could find a better word - "extremely" or "very" would fit better.

I can't say that these things detracted from the overall story. I do find, however, that such simplistic styling should be left to dialog and not the actual story telling portions.

Those are my complaints. Few as they were, I thought they should be noted. A few wrong turns can make a great story mundane. A solid telling of a mundane story can make it great - or near great.

[tessa]

Thank you, Mr. Dean. As I do value your comments, I appreciate the thought that went into making them. And, of course, you are correct about the verbage. I do tend to let my more casual way of speaking infect my writing. I need to work on that in particular.

That you enjoyed it, thoroughly even, is appreciated so very much as well.

[Dragon's muse]

Tessa,

i am really looking forward to reading this. i will get your feedback up this afternoon. When the story starts to get away from you, that is a sign that you have created a good three-dimensional character. That is when it gets fun.

[Dragon's muse]

WOW!!

Marvelous, loved every word of it. Hot, hot hot.

Wonderful evokation of the extreme anger in the beginning.

Now i do agree with HDean that in some place you do use the informal usage in your narrative and exposition. The casual usages are best left to the dialogue. However, they only stand out so much because the rest is so superbly presented.

Now on to my picked nits.

She rose from the chair in her bedroom, her intention being to head into the kitchen to calm herself with a cup of warm, soothing Chamomile tea.
replace with intending
gives the sentence a better flow.


For so many years her tears had come quickly, giving her the outlet to express her insulted emotions. Although, to be fair, never before had she so completely lost herself in the anger. Sure, she had felt the edges of that particular emotion.
Suggested rewrite:

For so many years her tears had come quickly, giving outlet to insulted emotions; never before has she so completely lost herself in the anger, despite feeling the ragged edges of that particular emotion.

She found she wanted to cry. Then maybe this boiling fury would cool some.
Try this

She wanted to cry, hoping tears would cool this boiling fury.



Her father had always been more concerned with business than most any other thing in life.
". . . .business that almost anything else. . . ."
just a stylistic thing along the same lines as those HDean pointed out.

She stood and walked around to the front of her desk as she spoke to him, smoothing down the deep gray fabric of her skirt. The cool blue of her shirt emphasized the dark auburn of her hair and the deep darkness of her eyes.
You have used the word "deep" two times in as many sentences. You need to find a substitute for one of them. Perhaps her eyes could have "smoldering darkness".

Mark kissed her as if he could breathe her in through his lips.
did you change his name during the writing??? You have several Mark's in here. Just run a find and replace on the original document. No worries, i have done the same thing myself
. . . the very things that moments before had been deep inside her.suggested rewrite

". . . the very things that had been deep inside her only moments before.
Then Mark turned to leave her office.

"Then" is an unnecessary word here.

[tessa]

Thank you, rose, for taking the time to review and critique this assignment. Everything you mentioned just helped make this a better story experience for me. (I am hoping I got all the changes done before the little 'edit' button disappeared.) Once again, your choice of assignments took me somewhere I couldn't have imagined going on my own. And I do love visiting new places!

tessa

[Dragon's muse]

You have another new place to go as well. i am kicking you upstairs to Level II. You should have access very soon. i am very proud of you.

[Mad Lews]

Very well done tessa, the story flowed so smoothly and you had great control over your characters. They were completely believable and oh so human. Congratulations on your promotion
Mad

[tessa]

Very well done tessa, the story flowed so smoothly and you had great control over your characters. They were completely believable and oh so human. Congratulations on your promotion
Mad

I very much appreciate your support and encouragement, Mad Lews. ~hugs~ I have to admit that I think the characters in my story had the control, though. An odd experience that was. I loved every second of it, but odd.

I think I'm a bit scared about the promotion if I'm honest. But I'm going to try to compose myself so they don't have to drag me kicking and screaming from the class.

It's all rose's fault. She makes this a great place to be.

~waves bye-bye to Level 1~

[Dragon's muse]

But, don't forget, as an alumnus of Level I you have the privilige/responsibility to drop in and review other assignments.

[suchaminx]

tessa,

sorry it's a bit late and I don't think there is anything I can say which hasn't already been said

Looking forward to reading more

love and big hugs

minxy xx

[tessa]

sorry it's a bit late and I don't think there is anything I can say which hasn't already been said

Looking forward to reading more

love and big hugs

minxy xx

Just you taking the time to say these lovely words makes me smile!

~hugs minxy~

But, don't forget, as an alumnus of Level I you have the privilige/responsibility to drop in and review other assignments.

Oh! I can come back and visit?? Well, woohoo!!!

~skips along to Level II~

[Dragon's muse]

I very much appreciate your support and encouragement, Mad Lews. ~hugs~ I have to admit that I think the characters in my story had the control, though. An odd experience that was. I loved every second of it, but odd.

That feeling is when you know that you have created solid, three dimensional characters. They have their own personality, and must act accordingly. And speaking from experience, if you try to argue with a character, the character wins every time.

[tessa]

That feeling is when you know that you have created solid, three dimensional characters. They have their own personality, and must act accordingly. And speaking from experience, if you try to argue with a character, the character wins every time.

I actually am writing this down in my notebook as I type this...well, writing your words then typing these. (if I didn't clarify, knowing this place, there would be smart-ass comments for sure!) I am thinking that this will save me some serious arguing in the future.

~hugs for rose~