House Rules?

[violetgem]

My Master and I were discussing His "general rules", the ones I should know are in effect at all times, unless stated otherwise. This got me thinking about all of you out there, in a bdsm relationship of any kind, I am curious to know what kind of rules you follow or expect others to follow. Such as if a Dom, what rules do you expect your sub to follow, or if not involved with anyone at the time what rules do you know you would lay down? And as a sub, what rules does your Dom expect you to follow or wish they would enforce, and if not involved with anyone what rules would you like your Dom to set? I am trying to keep it a more open ended question and so I am not leaving anyone or anything out, so if my wording is off I do apologize.

[His_blizzard]

This was definitely food for thought.
I just now realized that I have very few set rules. Other than my 10:30 curfew on work nights, I am simply expected to do what I am told, when I am told to do it, treat him with respect, accept his judgement and be patient. Sounds way too easy right? NOT! Especially that foul "P" word. ~blizz~

[Guest 91108]

blizz, those are pretty much the same rules I have.
I think there may be many that are sort of understood though.
I won't go into those though. chuckles.

[TomOfSweden]

Our list gets longer and longer every day. She loves rules.

Always naked and with a dog collar.
She must come straight home from work.
Whenever she's alone at home she must clean or cook for me.
If she needs to interupt me with anything she has to get down on all four by my feet and hope that I notice her.
She makes breakfast and pours the bath for me each morning.

All of these I can change at any time, which I do a lot.

And then it's a much longer list of how I like to have my things done to me. Like how I like my tea and coffee.

[Dragon's muse]

One rule: What Dragon wants, Dragon gets.

who needs rule 2.

[His_blizzard]

:

One rule: What Dragon wants, Dragon gets.

who needs rule 2.

Yeah...what she said! ~blizz~

[gagged_Louise]

Dragon's muse:: I'm sure that would work great in real-life relations when you live in the same town or the same house, but online relations (which many of us are in) do take more rule-building.

[TomOfSweden]

Dragon's muse:: I'm syure that would work great in real-life relations when you live in the same town or the same house, but online relations (which many of us are in) do take more rule-building.

I think that's a bit too generall. I think it's as simple as, some people are into it and some aren't. Me personally, I'm so hyper in my life that I need rules or nothing gets done. I live by them as if I'd been a slave even if it's my rules.

[Mishka]

For online...

Rhabbi's rules seemed reasonable to me

A few rules:

You have the right to say no.
You set the times so that your vanilla life is not affected.
These rules can be revoked by you at any time.
Any other rules desired must be agreed to by Me.

ADDITIONAL RULES THAT I INSIST UPON.
Any yelling at the Master by the slave must be punished.
Passion is acceptable, but if I am close minded, tease Me and I will listen.
Mind changes are acceptable, but as a matter of courtesy will be mentioned by the party that changes their mind.
Other rules may be added at my whim.

[Dragon's muse]

It is what works for us, because Dragon is just not a micromanager. i know my purpose, to make his life easier and meet his needs, preferably without him having to point them out.

(before anyone accuses him of wanting me to be a mind reader, we have been Owner and property for nearly 15 years)

In the early stages of our relationship, we went through a "rules" stage, but their importance decreased as time went by, and the mindset of simply being his took over.

So, i guess you could say that i have simply internalized the rules. But they don't feel like rules. i do not sit at his feet and hold his drink while he reads the paper in the evening because it is or ever was a rule, i do it because it feels natural and right and it puts a smile on his face.

[annie]

i know in my relationships i have had assorted items that have been required or requested. Would i call them rules... some yes, some no. Either way it was what worked for U/us and kept growing and changing as W/we grew and explored together... Sometimes additional items being added, other time items being dropped. Just what ever worked for U/us at that time.

Personally... i think the important thing to remember is that each relationship will have their own set of rules for what works for that relationship. Just as no ones kinks are the same no one's rules are the same either. And, i have seen situations where one Dom/me with 2 (or more) subs may have different rules for each sub... because that is what worked for the relationship and most importantly for the subs involved.

And everyone's definition of what a "rule" is will vary as well. Some may see a standing request as just that a request and not a "rule" where as to others that is a hard and fast "rule." i'm not sure i can define any certain "rule" although i know i have had to meet set expectations...

Different kinks... different rules... different definitions... fun for those involved! That is what's important!

Just my two cents worth....

[violetgem]

Different kinks... different rules... different definitions... fun for those involved! That is what's important!
.

I liked how you put that, that is what I was trying to get out of people, their rules based on their definitions and kinks…

[Hime]

In a living-together relationship...

I wear my harness for him every other day and am expected to have it on when he gets home.
I do the dishes (although that's more for vanilla reasons, since we chose chores based on which ones we'd prefer to do) and cook when we eat in.
I tell him how I feel about our experiences. I am not allowed to answer a question with a question or otherwise try to say what he wants to hear.

There are other things that happen off-and-on, but those are the really hard and fast rules.

[Warbaby1943]

The only rules I would insist on is a mutual respect for each other's feelings. I don't want to have to set up any rules for her to live by other than to be herself. After all, that is what attracted me to her in the first place and that is what will keep us together.

[TheDeSade]

Was just sitting here thinking of what hard and fast, carved in stone rules I have set. . . . .

email journal to me once a day

a few very general clothing rules

[precious]

Was just sitting here thinking of what hard and fast, carved in stone rules I have set. . . . .

email journal to me once a day

a few very general clothing rules

*wonders... do i tell Him i don't see those as rules but more of the...

"technical" (since how else would He know what was going on and provide me with the level of control i desire without the communication)

and

"desire to please" (if He likes certain clothing changes why would i NOT do it?)

aspects of O/our relationship or do i let Him keep considering them rules???? hmmmmm

Guess it is all in the perspective... grinz*

[Ironwulf]

My rules really come down to the following three things.

Be Honest
Be Respectful
Be Attentive

I do not do online BDSM, but they would proably be the same.

[Guest 91108]

I like the be attentive rule adds it.

[joely]

never having been in a real life D/s relationship, many things struck me throughout this thread. i especially liked this from Sir Russell:

Be Proud

You are finally in your nature, your true self! If you have agreed to this life style you have come to terms with your spirit. Now you can truly be adored for that inner beauty. You are precious and I as your Master will be honoured by your submission. It will be an indication of our superior characteristics.

In all things, exhibit dignity. metered movements, not fast or jerky, not slow and sloppy but metered. Eyes opened and looking lovingly at your Master or the world we live in, but chin high. You are submissive and you are swollen with pride, glow from the reality it suggests.

In all things, be the best you can be, and be proud. This is not a suggestion, this is a command.

however, some items from Sir Russell and fantazmaster seem almost stereotypically BDSM - almost what most vanilla folks would describe all this "kinky stuff" as....wenches kneeling nude, being shared, wearing slutty clothes at work... does real life not preclude or get in the way of some of the more intricate rules? or - as a relationship progresses - do these rules become more ingrained as a way of life?

obviously a virgin sub. thanks.

joely

[Ozme52]

never having been in a real life D/s relationship, many things struck me throughout this thread. i especially liked this from Sir Russell:



however, some items from Sir Russell and fantazmaster seem almost stereotypically BDSM - almost what most vanilla folks would describe all this "kinky stuff" as....wenches kneeling nude, being shared, wearing slutty clothes at work... does real life not preclude or get in the way of some of the more intricate rules? or - as a relationship progresses - do these rules become more ingrained as a way of life?

obviously a virgin sub. thanks.

joely

As you grow, you'll learn to love it. Got a prized possession? Do you hide it away or put it on display. That's kind of how dom/mes feel about their subs. As a sub, you come to realize being put on display is a sign of their pride in you which in turn makes you yearn for it.

[precious]

As you grow, you'll learn to love it. Got a prized possession? Do you hide it away or put it on display. That's kind of how dom/mes feel about their subs. As a sub, you come to realize being put on display is a sign of their pride in you which in turn makes you yearn for it.

Well said Oz!!!!! i had started a response but couldn't get it expressed as eloquently or accurately so i deleted it... thanks for stating it in such a way!

[joely]

As you grow, you'll learn to love it. Got a prized possession? Do you hide it away or put it on display. That's kind of how dom/mes feel about their subs. As a sub, you come to realize being put on display is a sign of their pride in you which in turn makes you yearn for it.

Ozme - i agree with the idea of "being on display" and somehow, at even this new stage in the game, there's a little yearning going on... i guess i was referring to the rest of the rules.

fantazmaster did say that the rules were sort of a starting point. and i suppose that if the rules are clear - then there are no excuses for not knowing or not understanding.

yearning about! joely

[fantazmaster]

Yes a starting point joely as over the years the Demands list has served as a sort of an example of rules and demands , a database of items to draw upon and work from.Frankly I can not envision a "one list fits all" or universal set of rules that would accomodate all such relationships.As Sir_Russel has shown us with his sharing of his list of rules it takes some thought,negotiation and sensitivity to individual circumstances in order to render a workeable set of rules.

Ozme - i agree with the idea of "being on display" and somehow, at even this new stage in the game, there's a little yearning going on... i guess i was referring to the rest of the rules.

fantazmaster did say that the rules were sort of a starting point. and i suppose that if the rules are clear - then there are no excuses for not knowing or not understanding.

yearning about! joely

[goalt]

Mistress has these always-set rules:
Unless commanded specifically otherwise, I am to be naked.
I am to do what She commands.
Mistress is to be referred to as Mistress unless She commands otherwise.

Other rules vary from day to day

[wolfs_lilgirl]

umm... i dont have many rules... just to..obey my Sir...
oh never pout!
i have a curfew...
very simple ones... like adrress him by Sir... and never backtalk...i dunno i dont remember blushes lol!!

[Guest 91108]

smiles. She's a very Good Pet usually. grins.

[***Kate***]

Rules.
Being a 24/7 relationship like many others we started out with many rules. How to dress. How to serve.
How I liked things done. What words he could or could not use. What furniture he could or could not sit on. What bed did he sleep in.. What car could he drive and so on. But after 7 years these are not considered as rules more as day to day living.

The house rules for all that visit that are in this way of live.. ALL submissive be they slave or sub they will serve all Dominates be they Master or Mistress.. All submissive will beg to gain entry in to My home. They will also wear collars when in my home.
I do not allow any sub/slave to use the excuse but you’re not My owner /Mistress that is no excuse not to serve.

Family /work rules.. Family all ways come first.. work.. our way of life does not and should not interfere with work life.

My home my Rules … And I will and can change them as I see fit.

[Dongthong2005]

I have a submissive house cleaner in southern africa where I live part of the time who is into pain, and my wife is also a sub who's addicted to humiliation. For my wife and I there rules start once our kids are in bed. two times a week she must create games for us to play that center around humiliation and punishment, and I too can choose upto three nights where I decide how she will be used. She is not allowed to wear anything that prevents access to her pussy, tits, and ass. Also, she must keep a list of her wrong doings, which we assess on the weekends and determine extra, fun punishment based on the degree of naughtyness. As for my house cleaner, I admit the rules are not really set in stone. However, she knows that when standing next to me she must keep her hands on her head, and legs apart. She loves to have her pussy lips pulled hard and spanked. I often walk around the house with her in a headlock and her tits, ass, and pussy exposed for punishing or groping for the fun of it, while I assess her work. This is now a rule, but it wasn't at firts, and she little by little accepted. She cooks for me and knows to grab her ankles, spread her legs when I take my first bite. If it is too salty, then wham.

dongthong

[J's blu]

***Kate*** * The house rules for all that visit that are in this way of live.. ALL submissive be they slave or sub they will serve all Dominates be they Master or Mistress.. All submissive will beg to gain entry in to My home. They will also wear collars when in my home.*

may i ask please? what if it is a married lifestyle couple, does the sub/slave still have to serve Others if the Dom/me Master Mistress does not wish them to? would this cause a problem?
although,
*My home my Rules … And I will and can change them as I see fit.*
probably covers that, so i would then assume it is up to the Dom/me Master/Mistress to discuss this with You before hand?

[***Kate***]

Greetings J"s blu>>may i ask please? what if it is a married lifestyle couple, does the sub/slave still have to serve Others if the Dom/me Master Mistress does not wish them to? would this cause a problem?
although, ..

To answer your questions.. As serving in my home is required it would be a problem .however I can not see it being a problem as the serving I talk about is a none sexual manner.

>>>>so i would then assume it is up to the Dom/me Master/Mistress to discuss this with You before hand?

Yes. For me there is no shades of grey .its black or white. sub/slave or not.
I have yet to come across one that has not been permitted to serve other Master/Mistresses.

some slave/sub may not like it.but it is a good way to see how ones sub or slave are with others. It also can be a lot of fun for all.
Master/Mistress can view others in how they serve and that is good way to learn maybe new things.
Other sub/slaves may want to share information on how they serve and teach or help others learn new ways.
It is very pleasing to see your girl /boy serve others it also can push limits or even see if there are limits in this area.
Having said all that if a Master or Mistress found that this was a hard limit then he or she has only got to say so.
the idea is to have fun learn and share. not to push on hard limits..

***Kate***