Is this BDSM?

[midnight.pilgrim]

sorry if this doesn't belong here - general confusion about sexuality ughhh

okay so basically the only current sexual fantasy I have (with a male anyways, females are a whole other kettle of fish) is one in which my male partner would be in bondage. I guess it's a control thing, but not in the traditional sense? The thing is, after the whole multiple-sexual-assaults thing, the only way I can imagine feeling sexually (and generally) safe around a male is if he has no capacity to control me or hurt me.

But, I also think boys look so cute when they are turned on and get that submissive, innocent deer-in-headlights look and basically do anything you want. And I love teasing guys to their limits - especially through sensory play... But I am only interested in males if they are attracted to me first and I picked up on their staring-while-they-think-I'm-not-looking or general batting of eyelashes.

idk what this makes me?
also, any recommendations on getting to the point of having sex like this? I don't have any partners currently, but if I had a potential partner, how would I bring up my preferences and comfort level? and would it be inappropriate to tell my partner that I've been assaulted in the past? I told my last boyfriend and I regret it so much because it made it hurt even more when he did.


H'anyways....

[denuseri]

Yes it is bdsm.

It is a quite common reaction to kinda go domme or only wish to top for a while after being hurt; though it is also possible that may be your natural direction anyway.

Assuming your talking about gadging an otherwise vanillia situation (as per your discription):

The only way to get to the point is to actually get to it. When your still in the pick-up part of the arrangment, at some point, you should bring up kink and what your potential partner may be into, then depending on their responce you can decide if you wish to go any further and tell them what you are looking for and see how they react, then depending on that see what kind of an arrangment you can come too together.

Now if you wish to skip much of that and find someone you can be pretty sure is allready into a submissive kink role...try searching for bdsm groups in your area by typing the word "Munch" and the name of your city into google. Most groups meet about once a month or so in a public place for coffee etc, share ideas and what not. Another alternative is to find what I call a public access dungeon/club...similar to 1763 in Atlanta. Simply type bdsm club and the name of your city or public dungeon and the name of your city or some such combination to find whats available in your area as you would for a munch. Its a good idea to call the club owner prior to arrival to find out what the appropriate protocols are for that venue etc. Another thing you could try is attending one of the many fetish or bdsm conventions that take place annually accross the usa (idk about in other countries)...they are kind of like a comic or gamer convention...only for kinksters.