The Art of Dominance

[Crovack]

A few recent conversations have started my mind wandering down an analytical road. I find more and more that dominance is truly an art form.

From those who directly take part in art via photography or other mediums, to those simply enjoy a scene with their partner(s), the act of dominance requires an artist. Ask 12 different little kids to all draw a picture of a house, and you'll get 12 very different pictures. Some may be more colorful, others may not. Some may be more detail oriented, others convey meaning through simplicity.

So too when you ask 12 different doms, even ones with very similar interests, how they will dominate a sub and you'll find different answers. And just like any painting constructed one stroke at a time, or statue chiseled into shape blow per blow, every comment, every action, every look, everything a dom does (and frequently does not do), fall into the artwork that is his dominance. There are even times corrections must be made in any number of senses, I'm sure I'm not the first to have attempted a technique that simply didn't work.

However, the true master realizes that the painting is never complete. The artwork is an ongoing and dynamic piece that will never be truly complete. Just like silly-puddy in our hands, our subs are constantly being molded by us. Left too long to sit out alone, they may harden and crack. Work them too much or in the wrong way, and the result is far from pleasing. But with the right strokes, the right blows, and ongoing attention, the relationship will be it's own artwork.

I suppose it reminds me of something I told a sub friend recently. Every scene, every relationship - is a game. The joy of being in a non-vanilla relationship however, is you already know who is going to win and who is going to lose. The outcome of the game is pre-decided. Everyone knows the results before you start. However, once you accept that the ending is the same, you can focus on simply playing the game. You may play the game every time the same way for a sense of comfort. You may simply start out the same way, always opening with that queen's pawn. Or every game may be completely different. But you stop caring about winning. You stop caring about losing. You just focus on the playing.

And so too, in a relationship you will find this scenario mirrored. You'll also find that through focusing on the playing and the player, you'll learn to play a better game. The more you know what steps s/he'll take, how s/he'll respond when you do this, or what they may anticipate if you do that.

True dominance, in my opinion, and mastery of it requires a focus on the journey, not the ending. It is in this way that you learn what single word, with your inflection will leave her dripping wet and unable to get you out of her mind. It is in this way that you teach her what you want, and to anticipate your desires. It is in this way that you give her more than she could ever give herself, by taking everything else away.

When you do it all right, no matter how long you spend with that piece, no matter how it began or how it ends, both (/all) of you will walk away with something you will treasure for the rest of your lives - and very likely many of the players will have learned things about themselves they didn't even know before.

My random ramblings and insights concluded, I encourage you all to get back to work on your masterpieces.

[Saheli]

I thought that was very well thought out and worded. I enjoyed reading this.

[guardwolf]

I agree with the concepts laid out here. We are talking about relationships here. They are living things. They need to nurtured, fed, and attended to or they erode, degrade, and fall apart. I believe each relationship is unique and has it's own dynamic. A Dom can have a certain style, but different subs require different techniques/approaches/motivation. You can tell an artist's style in his work, but each piece is unique and to be appreciated on it's own. Even different scenes can go different directions. Sometimes you carve your vision out of stone, other times you paint with oils. You experiment and explore the options attempting to find the best mixture to create a masterpiece.

To each his own. We should always strive to grow and expand our minds and experiences.

[summerBreeze{EDQ}]

well put
guardwolf

[AnticipatingPain]

I suppose it reminds me of something I told a sub friend recently. Every scene, every relationship - is a game. The joy of being in a non-vanilla relationship however, is you already know who is going to win and who is going to lose. The outcome of the game is pre-decided. Everyone knows the results before you start. However, once you accept that the ending is the same, you can focus on simply playing the game. You may play the game every time the same way for a sense of comfort. You may simply start out the same way, always opening with that queen's pawn. Or every game may be completely different. But you stop caring about winning. You stop caring about losing. You just focus on the playing.

I missed this post....

A thoughtful, provocative insight into the 'game'. Athough as you say the outcome is irrelevant; as we both know the resultant finale, both parties mutually euphoric in the dominance/submission.

[TheLimey]

Great post.

The artwork comparison is very apt. I've always considered my katze a blank canvas on which I can create.

[sweetlynaughty]

Hello Crovack,

I enjoyed reading your posting, it was very honest and transparent - very important ingredients in the D/s relationship. Thank you!