Favorite aspect of BDSM

[Master13]

BDSM covers a lot of ground. What aspect of it most appeals to you?

[GaryWilcox]

I really like the prospect of someone tied down... Domination came in a close second, but honestly, I like to tie.

[Dslave]

For me, it is the combination of pain and humiliation that leads to discipline. If it didn't lead to some sort of exercise of discipline and some greater learning experience it wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling to me.

[angelpet]

I would have to say "Dominance/obedience" is my most favorite. And then I would have to say "Discipline: Light/Playful" would be next with "Bondage" coming in Third. "Humiliation" would be my least favorite. And Dang...I have all kinds of room for "Other"!

[sweetplymate]

yeah, i wanted and "all of the above" option so instead i had to settle for Domination/obediance as for me the rest of it comes along with obeying my Master

[Katmandu]

Well, I want to say Bondage is first, but I like the pain as well, although mostly the pain as I'm tied down. But then again, it takes a strong Dom to get this sub trussed up, therefore, I like/need the Dominance/ Submission aspect. Don't care much for the humiliation, though. I mean, why? If you want your sub to be less-than human, what value is there in him/her? Maybe I'm just conceited. Maybe I just need a good strong Dom to tie me up and.....
that brings us back to 'doe' !

[Gallardo]

I voted for bondage but humiliation came in a very very close second. Kat's comments on "less than human" made me ponder. On further thought, I think it's a vote between reality and fantasy.

In life, few things rival a helpless woman in bondage, unable to resist the evil plot to befall her. In fantasy, it is much more satisfying (for me anyways) to push boundaries, those of safe, sane and consensual. Hence it is much more fun to humiliate a sub - to treat her "less than human" and to push her against her will not only physically but mentally as well.

Having said that, I disagree that humiliation is equivalent than "less than human". In fact, it is "more than human" or at least, true to oneself. Different strokes for different folks?

[Xelebes]

I voted Domination/Obedience. Bondage comes second. But yeah, all that is fantasy right now so I don't really know what I really like in real life.

[himind]

I think Domination/obedience is the best part of the whole BDSM scene.To me, the idea of having someone at my total command or to submit to someone in equal measure is the most erotic experience possible. Bondage comes second, and well,there's a whole lot of room for the other!

[Master_chris]

I will have to go with Domination/Obedience, I do enjoy the submissive side of it to.

[TheDarkOne]

I'll go with the Domination/Obedience one too. Just like himind said, the idea of having someone to command at my mercy, to use as I wish is an idea/fantasy that overshadows everything else. Thus the idea of bondage also comes second since it's almost the same thing . After that, the other stuff follows...

[Jones, Nikka]

I think my reputation as a painslut would go out the window if I voted for anything else than pain, even though I really enjoy the idea of obeying and submitting, and of course the bondage that is nescessary for a good torture scene.

[MasterRJ]

Truelly I enjoy humiliation. My fantasies rarely enjoy anything else. But as I've said before, I love destroying innocence.

"But mister teacher...I don't wanna show the class my underpants...what if the boys see them?"

I'm twisted :P

[lilli]

I have to say that personally it is Dominance/obedience with a little humiliation mixed in, but thats not saying that I do not enjoy the others too, as they say (although not sure who 'they' are! ) variety is the spice of life

[slavelucy]

(although not sure who 'they' are! )

LOL! Yeah, who are 'they' that come out with such profound pieces of wisdom?!

Fave aspect of BDSM...*thinks long and hard*...hmm, probably humiliation, even tho i find it by far the hardest..closely followed by submission and pain. Having said that, i couldn't be humiliated if i didn't sumbit, so many of them are fairly intrinsically linked...one delicious package, you might say. (or, indeed they might say).

sl

[Maria Maid]

I voted for Bondage. I like to be tied down, mostly in hogtie.

[AndrewBlack]

I voted for Bondage, with light discipline coming a very close second, the two are inseperable to me, the discipline is much more fun applied to a helpless and beautifully exposed captive!

[Learn Humility]

Don't care much for the humiliation, though. I mean, why? If you want your sub to be less-than human, what value is there in him/her?

I always try and tailor my handling of a submissive to meet her needs as well as mine. D/s is, after all, a relationship that in some respects is very much like any other. May subs enjoy the humiliation aspect, and the fact that it is a particular turn on for me is a bonus.

To have the submissive perform in a humiliating manner increases my feeling of power of her, particularly when there is resistance, or the sub displays a demeanor of accomplishment and class to the vanilla world.

I have found that most subs find it humiliating to be walked down the street collared and leashed, while some can feel quite proud. Some find it humiliating yet quite enjoyable to be urinated on, while some are grossed out by the idea.

But I don't see how either activity makes a submissive "less than human".

[jaeangel]

For me, the best part, the most important part, is love/caring, trust, and responsibility. The fact that a Master/Mistress/Dominant feels confident enough to take on the awesome responsibility of caring for another person, and the submissive has that much trust in the person they're submitting to, is the most important part. Trust and responsibility are such fragile things, so hard to find these days and so easily broken that to find anyone willing to take on those responsibilities and carry them out is a wonderful thing.
At first glance it looks like the top is taking what he wants from the bottom without caring what the bottom wants. At least, that's what it looks like to the casual observer. To those of us who are in the lifestyle, and are true BDSMers, there's a delicate dance of submission and control with the lead constantly changing between two partners. The bottom is respecting the sub by giving that person what they crave/need/want; the sub gives whatever the dominant wants in total trust that the dominant will not ask for anything beyond the sub's ability to give. This to me, is the important part. I was in a relationship where all the other things mentioned were used; humiliation, discipline of both kinds, bondage, pain...but there was no respect in that relationship, so it wasn't a true BDSM relationship. There was no respect, trust, care, or responsibility on the part of the dom in that relationship, so it was mostly empty of meaning for me.
You can have all the other trappings of the BDSM lifestyle, and have it not mean anything. The relationship REQUIRES the three elements above or it's not a real relationship.
Then again, it's just my opinion...

[stummer]

for me it has to be bondage, somthing about the inability to resist, even if you wanted to . but it is linked to almost every thing else on that list,

[SirW]

For me, the best part, the most important part, is love/caring, trust, and responsibility. The fact that a Master/Mistress/Dominant feels confident enough to take on the awesome responsibility of caring for another person, and the submissive has that much trust in the person they're submitting to, is the most important part. Trust and responsibility are such fragile things, so hard to find these days and so easily broken that to find anyone willing to take on those responsibilities and carry them out is a wonderful thing.

This to me, is the important part. I was in a relationship where all the other things mentioned were used; humiliation, discipline of both kinds, bondage, pain...but there was no respect in that relationship, so it wasn't a true BDSM relationship. There was no respect, trust, care, or responsibility on the part of the dom in that relationship, so it was mostly empty of meaning for me.
You can have all the other trappings of the BDSM lifestyle, and have it not mean anything. The relationship REQUIRES the three elements above or it's not a real relationship.
Then again, it's just my opinion...

I know you are in touch with your submissive soul and truly understand what a D/s (BDSM) relationship is all about. I think many of those who post here are into what I would call "Kinky sex" scenes. Nothing wrong with that, but I think a lot of people are confused by what Dominance/submission truly is.

The truth is that you don't need a whip, rope, cuff, or any other toy to have a very intense, tremendously satisfying D/s relationship with your partner. All you need is what you said: Loving, Caring, Trust and Responsibility.

You summed it all up perfectly.


SirW

[jaeangel]

Thank You, SirW.
My signature is 'Everything has a price.' A true BDSM relationship carries an emotional price as well; caring, trust, and responsibility, on both sides. If that price isn't paid by both sides, the relationship, while sexually/physically satisfying, isn't emotionally satisfying. And emotional satisfaction is what we, as human beings, are drawn to each other for. When two dogs mate, there's no emotional satisfaction; it's all physical gratification. We humans have been gifted by The One with emotions, and the intellect to use them, so why waste that gift in a relationship where emotional fulfilment isn't a part?

[onlyforhim4ever]

I agree with jaeangel....

What I value most about my D/s relationship is the abundance of love, trust, and communication it brings with it. I never experienced such a degree of true intimacy or emotional vulnerability before my relationship with my Dominant. That is the best "bonding" experience for me Though being physically bound is amazing too, as it just heightens my awareness of my vulnerability to him (and vice versa).

What's really incredible is how profoundly honest communication improves a relationship. As stated in our contract, I am not allowed to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, nor am I allowed to withhold anything from him when he asks. We are both very fulfilled and our needs are always met because of the ease of communication that being in a power exchange provides.

Aside from those things, I would say that Dominance/obedience is big for me too. Being in a crowded restaurant and having him correct me if I forget to call him Sir, or firmly placing his hand on the back of my neck to remind me of my place... these small actions have such an immense effect on me, and it drives me wild. Just the way he gazes down at my body or strokes the top of my head gets me more aroused than a ton of the vanilla sex I've had with others!

Discpline: Serious infliction of pain is up there too only he won't use pain in his punishments because I love it too much hehehe.

[Curtis]

Given the chance, I'd've voted for anything but hardcore pain and other.

Never could put up with that other.

[e.b.]

Thanks Curtis, for going through and picking out all these great old threads! As a newer member, it's hard to get time to go back over so many good ones and so I love that you're doing the work for me.

Jae, I completely agree with your post except that I see trust, love, responsibility, and respect as essentials for dominance/obedience, so I put that one first.

I must admit though that the discipline/intense pain and humiliation choices were very close behind. Nikka, I'm there with you on not wanting to sully my reputation as a pain slut...but I decided that it could also be incorporated into the D/s.

eb

[slavelucy]

Never could put up with that other.

LOL! Ha! Ha!

Ah, yes, 'other', the cruelest of all punishments.

sl

P.S. i'd second what e.b said, Curtis, you've brought some really good threads back to life, which is especially good given all the new members we have of late.

[vistana]

I chose dominance/obedience. I don't have too much experience with any aspect, but that's the one that excites me the most.

[caligatia]

I'm torn -- while jaeangel's post made me want to go hug my dom and thank him for being so wonderful, I must admit I'm also addicted to the pain -- enough so that I have to have at least a little discomfort during vanilla sex in order to get off. Hmmmm.

[Sunshine]

To paraphrase.... respect, trust, care, and responsibility it can be delicious

[BabySub]

For me, the best part, the most important part, is love/caring, trust, and responsibility. The fact that a Master/Mistress/Dominant feels confident enough to take on the awesome responsibility of caring for another person, and the submissive has that much trust in the person they're submitting to, is the most important part. Trust and responsibility are such fragile things, so hard to find these days and so easily broken that to find anyone willing to take on those responsibilities and carry them out is a wonderful thing.
At first glance it looks like the top is taking what he wants from the bottom without caring what the bottom wants. At least, that's what it looks like to the casual observer. To those of us who are in the lifestyle, and are true BDSMers, there's a delicate dance of submission and control with the lead constantly changing between two partners. The bottom is respecting the sub by giving that person what they crave/need/want; the sub gives whatever the dominant wants in total trust that the dominant will not ask for anything beyond the sub's ability to give. This to me, is the important part. I was in a relationship where all the other things mentioned were used; humiliation, discipline of both kinds, bondage, pain...but there was no respect in that relationship, so it wasn't a true BDSM relationship. There was no respect, trust, care, or responsibility on the part of the dom in that relationship, so it was mostly empty of meaning for me.
You can have all the other trappings of the BDSM lifestyle, and have it not mean anything. The relationship REQUIRES the three elements above or it's not a real relationship.
Then again, it's just my opinion...

I completely agree with that Jae. I've never experienced a physical bdsm or D/s relationship, but I value the trust, respect and care that I get from my Dom, and that I give him. It's a two way street, and I'm only just starting to walk down that particular street. I have a feeling the bondage would come first with me, closely followed by Discipline: Light/Playful... but all that remains to be seen. Right now and probably always, the mental / emotional aspect of things means much more to me.