Does it bother anyone to be told "good girl"?

[leah06]

Does anyone say this to you? Do you like it? Dislike it? Are you indifferent? Suppose you really disliked it, and it was meant as a reward, would you say so, or try to accept it as it's given?

[evi6love]

Personally, I find this particular phrase to be incredibly rewarding when it comes from my Dom. It brings out this fantastic sensation that I have succeeded in pleasing Him and I positively glow.

That said, I'm having some difficulty imagining it getting to be that much of an issue, but if it really got to me, I believe I'd try to find an appropriate time to bring it up and explain why exactly it makes me uneasy. One could also ask if there would be other ways to bring across that positive reinforcement that would *actually* be positive for you and could serve as a comfortable substitution for your Dom. Knowing my Love, He would probably insist on saying it anyway from time to time just to piss me off.

[tiensprtjrs]

"Good girl" is a just rewarding compliment for any sub be it that from her DOM or DOMME. Where's the problem ladies?

[delish]

"Good girl" is a just rewarding compliment for any sub be it that from her DOM or DOMME.
Where's the problem ladies?

Some phrases are just uncomfortable for people. If I stop and think about it, the fact that "Good girl" is a phrase
people usually say to a dog or a three year old, it chafes at me a little bit, and I don't have a problem with it under normal circumstances.

I know that in my relationship, if a reward wasn't rewarding me and I didn't speak up about it, He would be unhappy
with me. As mentioned above, He'd file it away to use to push my buttons and think of something more appropriate
for a proper reward. I think it's important to be aware of why it bothers you, though.

[good_girl]

*smiles* I like it so much I made it my name here.

I am my Doms baby girl, this is what he calls me on a regular basis, during play time he has tried out a few other "names" for me, when he does I've noticed him watching for a reaction from me, sometimes even asking me if I like it. It would seem that I like anything that he calls me, but I'm confidant that if I ever had a negative reaction to one of those names he would be very careful about how and when he used it.

[leah06]

Some phrases are just uncomfortable for people. If I stop and think about it, the fact that "Good girl" is a phrase
people usually say to a dog or a three year old, it chafes at me a little bit, and I don't have a problem with it under normal circumstances.

I think it's important to be aware of why it bothers you, though.

Thanks so much, Delish. This is exactly why it bothers me. It feels a little humiliating. And I guess that there are certain phrases at certain times that might be humiliating that don't bother me, but in the context of receiving praise - I don't know. It just bugs me. And I guess I've heard it, offered kindly, after something that was hard for me in an adult way, so hearing a phrase that would be directed at a child seems to discount what I've accomplished.

I know I'm totally over-analyzing something that is clearly well meant, but I have a strong visceral reaction to this phrase.

[icey]

i love it im probably supposed to say that i only like it when Icehawk calls me it but i like full stop although admittedly i do like it best of all when he calls me it because it has very different connotations.
the only times i ever hated it was when i was giving birth, then it always pissed me off, it felt like i was being patronised.

[secret_slave]

I love being called a good girl! My significant other says it rarely, but when he does I relish it. I can understand why somebody might be uncomfortable with it though, considering how the rest of society uses it (a toddler being potty trained would be a good girl, or a dog that came when called is a good girl) but then again, I rather like being treated as a pet...

[angela_shy]

i think this hearkens to the issue of how i feel about the relationship between feminism and BDSM. i used to think referring to any female over the age of 16 as a girl was disrespectful. now i find myself responding warmly to the phrase "good girl" - it's intimate, affectionate, and encouraging. i think one's reaction depends where one's mindset is at any point in time.

[Flaming_Redhead]

No one has said it to me lately, but I love it! There was this one who would tell me, "Good girl! You made a happy plate!" when I'd eaten all of my dinner. *ggls* Since I rather like to be treated as a little girl, it never bothered me at all.

[StormKat]

When the guy who introduced me to this world first began our dominance struggle, him saying "good girl" would provoke me to smack him one (which didn't go over particularly well with him, suprisingly ). Over time, I went from bristling at those words, to accepting them, to being happy to hear them. I learned to take them for what they were - recognition of something I'd done well.

[bip0lar]

heh, rachel i completely understand why somebody [you, in this case, along with others probably] would feel odd at the phrase. I refer to myself as a girl, still, it just doesn't feel right calling myself a 'woman' what with my age and all--i just don't feel like a woman yet, even though anatomically it's all there *smiles*. Still, though, the connotations that come with the phrase 'good girl' make me feel extremely good about myself. It is a nice reward for me, i must admit.
As stated in a previous post it's the phrase you're likely to say when talking to a child or a pet--it gives me the same feeling i hope my dog has when i tell her 'good girl!'. *giggles*

[lozzy]

To me it entirely depends on the context. In most situations I'm more than happy to be told I'm a 'good girl'. But sometimes I feel really demeaned by it, for example if I've worked really hard to acomplish something under my own accord and someone dissmisses me with 'oh good girl' then I feel patronised and upset,...

Although of course sometimes it's meant to cause that reaction... in which case in the *long run* i enjoy it...

hmmm generally i like it, is what im trying to say, i think.

[suchaminx]

keeping this really easy ------


I LOVE IT

[lucy]

keeping this really easy ------


I LOVE IT

Yep. I've got nothing else to say.

[judori]

I love it SOOOOO much.

[blythe spirit]

Well, I know my inner child loves being called "baby girl" and puffs when she's told she's been a "good girl." So, I'm guessin' I like it too. hehehe

However, it wasn't always a term I held fondly. And I guess that was a psychological thing. Lots of child molesters use this phrase when the little girl performs according to their liking. But I don't think I ever thought of it as patronizing until reading some of these posts.

If someone/anyone was doing something/anything that did not sit well with me; believe me, they'd hear it loud and clear. Perhaps you should ask the person, who is using this, why they use it? What does it do for them by saying it?

[DiablosLittleOne]

I like it as well. It doesn't bother me one bit when Master pats me on the head and tells me I've been a good girl. It's what I strive to be for him every day and the recognition from him is greatly appreciated.

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

i LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVE it cuz i know Master only says it when it's true :-)

[leah06]

To me it entirely depends on the context. In most situations I'm more than happy to be told I'm a 'good girl'. But sometimes I feel really demeaned by it, for example if I've worked really hard to acomplish something under my own accord and someone dissmisses me with 'oh good girl' then I feel patronised and upset,...

Although of course sometimes it's meant to cause that reaction... in which case in the *long run* i enjoy it...

hmmm generally i like it, is what im trying to say, i think.

Yes, I wonder what reaction it's meant to cause. If he wants me to feel somewhat belittled, in a sort of sweet way, then it's working - and why mess with a system that works?

[delish]

I notice not many people are really touching the second question, beyond "Do you like it?" The question was also posed regarding how to deal with not liking it. I spoke with my beloved and He said that a reward should reward, period. If it's not doing the job, I have an obligation to Him to speak up about it, particularly if it's doing the precise opposite of its intention. Plus it provides Him with a phrase to use to push my buttons. Hah. (He's made of evil. And win.)

[annie]

Some phrases are just uncomfortable for people. If I stop and think about it, the fact that "Good girl" is a phrase
people usually say to a dog or a three year old, it chafes at me a little bit, and I don't have a problem with it under normal circumstances.

I know that in my relationship, if a reward wasn't rewarding me and I didn't speak up about it, He would be unhappy
with me. As mentioned above, He'd file it away to use to push my buttons and think of something more appropriate
for a proper reward. I think it's important to be aware of why it bothers you, though.

While the phrase "good girl" doesn't bother me and i like it but ONLY if it is said by my Ladies i can fully understand where negative feelings my be associated with it. I have the same reaction when someone else tells me "good girl" or calls me "dear." That pisses me off because it sounds almost patronizing to me. I know it all depends on the context but that doesn't change the feelings with it.

So i fully understand delish...

[enyssa]

I am very new and still learning a lot, but I do have to say that I LOVE being called "good girl". It does bring a smile to my face especially when I know it's meant as praise for something well done.

[shayna{L_D}]

to me when my Dom says "good girl" to me its like a reward. I get butterflies and my heart races, i love to be given this satsfation. It lets me know that what im doing it right/correct and is pleaseing him. Plus it makes me blush a very dark shade of red.

[Hime]

I like it in a D/s context, coming from my Master. In any other context, like if I got a paper published in a journal and my professor said "Good girl!", I would be righteously pissed off.

[Pearlgem]

Being a wee bitty older, I've had to get used to 'young lady' and 'girl' which patently ain't so, but when I hear 'good girl' ... It's a little demeaning, humiliating to be spoken to like a child in this way, but that's one of the reasons I like it. I like very much being stripped away of my worldly ego so that I can submit to my Master in humble simplicity. Besides, he is pleased with me and it tugs at my heart.

ANY ONE else calling me a girl will get the withering look.

[AdrianaAurora]

Its not the words, but who says them and what they mean by them. If a colleague or business partner said that to me (which has happened) - it usually ends up with me reducing them to little boys, lol.

When Tristan says it, I LOVE it. Its why I do this. Its a praise, an endearment, an acknowledgment that I have pleased him (that he likes it, that I have done a good job). For me they eliminate the humiliation/embarrassment aspect of doing something.

[subserviant]

I guess im different than most ,good girl is like saying good dog ,I prefer some thing like good slut

[Oak]

I certainly hope that my subs like it, as I quite often have called them good girls, not to offend them, but surely to say that they've been "good" girls.

[cookiecat]

Being a wee bitty older, I've had to get used to 'young lady' and 'girl' which patently ain't so, but when I hear 'good girl' ... It's a little demeaning, humiliating to be spoken to like a child in this way, but that's one of the reasons I like it. I like very much being stripped away of my worldly ego so that I can submit to my Master in humble simplicity. Besides, he is pleased with me and it tugs at my heart.

ANY ONE else calling me a girl will get the withering look.

i totally get this - i'm older and love the daddy/little girl dynamic of D/s. but every so often, it strikes me as an odd fit as a 47 year old little girl... i do choose to look at it as a mind-set rather than an actual age...

"humble simplicity" - i like that, pearlgem. someone sent me to a blog called "imperfect grace" - sort of the same theme.

someone mentioned "good slut" was more of a turn on or felt more comfortable... for me it depends... good slut comes out during play... and that's so so good. good girl is saved for when i've done something that was a struggle. which, a lot of times, is just generally being obedient...

but why not agree on something you both feel comfortable with?