Is skin color a fetish?

[bambina]

I was just wondering if race could possibly be a fetish. I'm an African American woman but I am not attracted to African American men. Not because they aren't attractive or anything. I've met plenty of good black men. But they bore me. It's so...ordinary. So bland. So expected of society. There for I'm just not interested. I am one to head to the opposite end of the spectrum. I like white guys. They are just so sexy to me. It's hard to explain. I think it's partly based on the history of America and how Black people where enslaved by white people. I suppose a white guy is my idea of 'The' Dominant power. The very thought of a white guy taking me and having his way with me and spanking me when I'm bad and calling me names (this is part of play, not 24/7. Because he'll loose a nut if he treats me like shit all damn day). But, at the same time, being gentle with me since I'm sort of a little girl who's just too innocent to be hard on. That's a turn on for me. A black man wouldn't have that affect on me for some reason though. I can't quite explain it. Maybe one of you can. I mean, if a black man tried to take me against my will, it wouldn't even phase me. I'd probably just say "Alright boy, enough of that. I've got somewhere to be." I wouldn't be afraid. But if a white guy tried to do it, I'd be paralyzed. But my question is....Why?

Now I'm not sure if this is a fetish or just a matter of preference. Some people are just attracted to people of other races. It's their preference. And that's fine. But I'm not sure if I'm simply attracted to white men or if I have a fetish for them. I'm simply seeking a man that best fits the part of 'slave driver/loving rapist' but why is it that I feel that ONLY a white man can play that part?

This is something that has bothered me for some time because men have treated ME like a fetish. I get message after message saying "Wow I've never been with a black woman." "Wow I'd love to massage your black round bubble butt." "I hear black woman do this really well." And I hate it. I don't want a man to want me JUST because of my skin color. I'm not a woman online. I'm a black woman. And men focus on the 'black' first before they see 'woman'. Immediately, they think of everything they've heard about black women. Some even talk to me in ebonics when they meet me because they think that I don't know any better. "Wut's up wit you girl? You chillin today?" And when they realize that I'm not that way then, all of the sudden, they start to 'brighten up'. And I see that as an insult. They think that just because I'm black, I'm ghetto.

But am I really so different from the idiots that see me as a fetish? That all depends on if I see white men as a fetish or something else. What do you think?

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

Actually, it's natural for people to be attracted to a different race. People of different colors are naturally compatable. It's nature's way of keeping the gene pool diverse for natural selection. Unfortunatly, society makes it abnormal, even unacceptable. i don't really care lol. i'm incredibly attracted to black and hispanic guys but white guys do absolutely nothing for me. Master is Native American which i find insanely sexy. lol playing pioneer girl kidnapped by an Indian chief never gets old :-P

[amosse85]

Some even talk to me in ebonics when they meet me because they think that I don't know any better. "Wut's up wit you girl? You chillin today?"

Haha, sorry but that's funny. Some people...

As for the racial attraction, I wouldn't qualify it as a "fetish" really. It's just another way for someone to be different from you, and therefore potentially that much more attractive. Just my two cents. Personally race has never been much of a factor for me.

[damyanti]

I once heard a theory that black men prefer white women because they are more "softer" and submissive than black women....while white guys prefer black women because they are "tougher and bossier" and they prefer that, lol.

Maybe its an intellectual thing? Personally, I do have a little thing for guys of darker skin, different religion... I mean who could resist this , .
But outside things ultimately don't matter, they are just icing on the cake, its the exploration of mental diversity, compatibility of our kinks, combined with the streak of kindness that do the trick for me.

Is it a fetish...only you can answer that. But unless skin color is all that matters to you...whats the problem...is it really any different than preference for hair color?

From Wikipedia: "Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual attraction to materials and objects not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature; the term was first introduced by Alfred Binet,[1] the psychologist better known for inventing IQ testing. Fetishism is diagnosable as a paraphilia in the DSM and the ICD, but only if the fetish causes significant distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of his or her life. Many people embrace their fetishes rather than seek treatment to attempt to be rid of them."

[MacGuffin]

Men like women and women like men, why? Because they are different and opposites attact. Liking people of a different race is probably just an extension of that concept. Even if it is not race, people like people who are different from what they are used to. Although I like women of color (ie - not just black) I prefer american gals (any color) to english. Not sure why and even if I knew I wouldn't say because the britgals would probably carve me up for dinner!

[np81la]

I personaly like tanned blonds/reds or very white girls a bit on the chubby side.

[Ender910]

Anything can be a fetish really. Everyone has at least something that gets their juices going. Sometimes it can be something like hair color or a hair style, other times it can be a racial background. It all just depends on the person's interests and tastes.

[MacGuffin]

I thought a fetish was having a fixation on a particular thing, not simply liking or preferring.

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

Yup, now if you were absolutely turned on just because he was white and white skin just really did it for ya then it might be a fetish i suppose lol but if that's not the case i'm guessing it's just a preference.

[bambina]

Hmm that makes me wonder then McGuffin. Is sodomy a fetish? I mean it's pretty common but, on the other hand, in some states is so taboo that it's illegal. You see it in the movies all the time but it hasn't really been too accepted. If someone says "I forked this girl in the ass" everyones head turns and they say "You did WHAT?!"

I guess I get what you all are saying. And, in the back of my mind, I knew it all along. But I just can't help but feel this twinge of guild whenever a black guy takes interest in me. He could be nice. He could be sexy. He could be well rounded. He could be kinky. Smart. Witty. Fun. Cool. friendly. But when it comes down to it, he's still black. And I hate for the reason I don't take interest in a guy to be because of his skin color. Because that's the one thing that you can't change about yourself. It would be different if I wasn't attracted to someone because they were, say, 50 pounds overweight. if they wanted to, they could lose it. Or if I didn't like their hair color (red on men has got to go). Or any number of other things. Hell, even the sex that you are. But the fact that it's race. I'd feel like sh*t if someone I really liked didn't like me because I was black. Something like that actually recently happened to me. I liked this white guy at school but he wasn't into black women. He wasn't racist. He didn't think white women were better. Black women just weren't his thing. And that kind of hurt. I wish I could change my perception of men but I just can't. White men will always be hot to me and black men will never be.

Oh and POMJ: I like white men because they play the part well in my fantasies. The rough yet gentle rapist neighbor (or boss or co-worker or classmate and so on) who takes the innocent little black girl who's cute but pretty asexual...until he gets to her.

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

lol i get what you mean. White men do nothing for me, and i'm sure i've missed out on some great guys cuz of it, but luckily Master and i work out so well.

[IAmCanadian]

Great post. I've been a fan of racial fetishism for many years, and this touches on many topics I'm interested in.

I'll echo what others have been saying and put forth the idea that you shouldn't feel guilty- I myself have a preference for Japanese, Middle-Eastern, or African-American women. Basically any non-European culture. It isn't at the level of exclusivity that you maintain (I am still attracted to all sorts of American and European women!) but it's there nonetheless.

- FS

[Daumon]

We all have preferences and likes. Those features that attract us to others. what about them excites and interst us. Since Fetish is liking something that is outside the social norm them yes racial or cross racial attraction can be a fetish. Take hair color as a simple example. Most men look at a woman and have some reaction based on the color and style of a womans hair. Some men are attracted to 'exotic' woman. A white male might find asians attractive this way. Or someone that fits their erotice profile like a dark haired gypsie girl. i think white men find black women attractive in the same way. The relationships get a little more confused and hard to sustain because of the baggage assiciated with whites enslaving blacks in the past.

The idea of having control over another is a powerful thing. To be controlled by someonbe can be equally as powerful. So if having a white male exercise that control over you makes your knees weak and your panties wet then you obviously KNOW what you like and want. I was a psych major and still think its less important to know your desires and enjoy them than to spend to much time analizing them.

[MacGuffin]

Merriam-Webster defines fetish as:

an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

Since an object must be involved for it to be a fetish, strictly speaking it's not a fetish you have - unless it's a particular body part that turns on and I won't speculate on what may be Ass fucking is a sexual activity so I guess that would be a sexual deviation.

But what it's called is irrelevant, we all know what you mean and it seems just a simple case of black guys not rocking your boat. Doesn't sound anything strange or particularly unusual to me, Most people have an inexplicable aversion or attraction to something. One that springs to mind for me would be an aversion to the accent from certain cities in England and attraction to other accents.

Anyway, nothing to be worried about and personally I think it's a good "fetish" to have. Of course me being white doesn't influence my opinion in the slightest

[tina2008]

Bambina, you're very brave in posting this topic and I applaud you. On some sites, you probably would have received pretty scathing messages by now.

To a certain extent, I understand how you feel. I'm a black female and I've never served a black Dom. It wasn't anything I could quite put my finger on, but I've always been drawn to men of other races. I hope my preference doesn't fall under discrimination as that's not my intention. As you stated, sometimes being with the same race is boring or so ordinary.

I am offended when I'm approached by anyone using ebonics regardless of their race. Don't "dumb down" or use street language because I'm black. I rarely give a second chance to make a first impression. *smile

[bambina]

Awesome tina. I agree completely. I don't know why people would think this topic is scathe worthy. It's an honest concern and I can't even think of one (relevant) thing that someone could say to call this topic negative.

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

Easy, they could say, "wow you're a total bitch. dating other races is wrong. your just being prejudiced against your own race," yeah i've had my share of flames. i live in texas so people here aren't exactly tolerant of others. i've never been with a white person before unless you count elementary school boyfriends lol but seriously Master and i get hell just for being in love. lol imagine if they knew the whole story...

[Logic1]

I got a thing for Japanese women but then again it just might be the old "schoolgirl fetish" talking .
I got a friend that havent had a girlfriend that wasnt from Thailand for the past 10 years and that might mean something but I just think he likes Thai women and it isnt really a fetish per say.
I dont really think that "race" is a fetish either. I think race might be something to turn you on but not in a fetish way if you know what I mean, but just what tickles your fancy so to speak.

[Polaris]

*takes a deep breath* I'm sorry for what I'm going to launch into, it might be terribly boring, but I've dealt half a year with this very topic, so it's itching under my nails to get at this from a more society-culture related point of view.

Firstly, the term 'fetish' has a long history and is rather slippery in that it defies a clear definition. The most commonly used definition is certainly the fixation on a certain object (shoes, for example), body part (e.g. feet), or behaviour for sexual gratification that is not usually attached to sexuality. The term dates back to as far as Marx, where fetishism had nothing sexual about it yet. In antrophology a fetish is an object to which divine power has been transferred, so to speak a transcendental place-holder for something that cannot be seen. I personally believe that Freud adopted this view later on when he developped his psychological theory and took fetishism to the realm of sexuality, where we seek it out commonly these days. For Freud, a fetish is whatever stands for something that is socio-culturally unacceptable or at least taboo. It is not acceptable, for instance, to look at the male phallus, so you look at the heel of a shoe and, subconsciously, see the phallus no less (for Freud pretty much everything is a substitute for a phallus, but that's a different story). In short, sexual (socially unacceptable) desires are sublimated into something more innocuous, more socially acceptable.

This is why the definitions of what a fetish actually is vary greatly. Personally, I lean towards a more loose definition of it -- I dislike the 'fixation' part (that is when it becomes a sort of 'pathological' fetishism, and I use the word without judgement), so I define a fetish more into the direction of a strong preference, something one would like to have, but which does not necessarily have to present to achieve sexual gratification. Under my definition -- and some other definitions floating around out there -- your 'fetish' for white men, bambina, would indeed be a fetish. There will be others, however, who will argue the opposite. Either way, I don't think that you have to worry about it at all. You like what you like, and it's not harming anyone...so who cares what other peole think?

As for the reasons why. *takes another deep breath* Basic cultural theory assumes that the society we live in, the rules we play by, the, as it is called, 'cognitive frames' we are provided with by our culture, construct our reality. By giving names to things we also give them meaning. A tree is always a tree, of course -- the real tree does not vanish. But a tree has no meaning if we do not call it a tree. Neither do the letters t-r-e-e have any meaning other than the one we constructed for them. We are all naturally prejudiced -- and we have to be because it is our way of making sense of the world. We need to learn our social structure, the language, the 'what means what' (e.g. different cultures perceive time differently) to be able to navigate our way through the world (that's why this knowledge is often summarised under the term 'conceputal map').

Thus, I am not using the term prejudice in a negative sense, or to express that people are judgemental, racist, whatever. I use it to express that our culture shapes us, maybe even moreso than we shape our culture, and that this shaping leads us to assumptions and presumptions (necessary ones, to a large extent) that, in turn, will shape our expectations, preferences, and perceptions.

With this basic concept established I would like to comment briefly on the, let me call it 'sexualisation', of black people (in western culture, I cannot comment on other cultures...I presume the construction is different there). During the first contact with 'the other' (namely black people) during colonial times, the description of these new encounters of course was really fashionable. What happened, in a nutshell, was a over-sexualisation of black people. The myth of the hypermasculine black male was created (hypermasculinity referring first and foremost to the penis, but also to the heightened sex-drive attributed to black males). Black women, similarly, were reduced to their sexual characteristics. There are depictions of (black) women who basically only consist of large breasts, large nipples, large butts. Whereas it was unacceptable to see a white woman naked -- let alone her genitalia -- it was perfectly acceptable to look at the depiction of a black woman's vagina (in close-up). Black people, male and female, were strongly constructed as 'sexual animals' who were more driven by instinct, more animalistic than civilised (and please, this is by no way true of course). They were reduced to sexuality, their sexual characteristics, their 'naturalness' (as opposed to being 'civilised'). This view of black people became a stereotype and was thus 'fixed' in discourse (which is basically the way we see our world) -- and I firmly believe that despite the many attempts to right this false picture over many years, we still face some of the consequences of these stereotypes. This is perhaps why you get addressed by some guys in the way you do, bambina.

Vice versa, I believe you were straight on -- you may have the picture of the white, domineering male in your head. Again, there is nothing wrong with it at all -- but it is a possible explanation, and one that makes a lot of sense to me.

So, haha, I bored you all to death I'm sure. Sorry for this, but I had to do a little procrastinating

[icey]

the guys who talk to you like that bambina sound just like my sister! she will not bother with anyone who isnt black and the blacker the better.
not just partners but friendships too.
unfortunately she's what gets called over here a 'wigger' meaning a black wannabee (that is not meant to offend anyone people of all races use the term) she acts how she thinks a black person should act, wont listen to music unless the singers are blac,even sometimes talks in what she thinks is a jamaican accent and goes on about the ''culture'' repeatedly (apparantly ours isnt good enough) and anything/anyone white is simply not good enough either,which is worrying because her eldest child is white and her other mixed race who she has a definite preference for simply because of her colour.
she likes the idea of being as she puts it ''the trophy blonde princess''

she's in the minority admittedly but she's certainly not alone, for people like her its certainly not a fetish and not even a preference as to who and what she finds sexually attractive but a 'status' symbol, and that i dont think is right or even normal.
personally i cant understand why someone would only want to sleep with someone of a certain race...surely its the individual person you find attractive not skin colour?

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

surely its the individual person you find attractive not skin colour?

Yes and no. It's not that the skin color is all that matters but it plays a large part in it. i'm just in no way shape or form attracted to white guys. i've been that way since i was little. i think it comes from being raised in a military base where almost everyone was mixed.