Right or wrong?

[DomCt2002]

Years ago I found a female who wanted spanked and tied and more and did not know it was BDSM or D/s she seeked. So it was my first experience in the lifestyle, without knowing what it really was.
But, is it just me, or is it hot and fun to spank someone and make em mine, hell yes it is. Is it hot to cuff a woman and make her serve hell yes. but whats best is the power of knowing she is mine to do as I please with, within reason of course. That feeling of when she surrenders and lets herself go and I take her hair and make her mine is so fine.
But I think ya have to have respect for your partner or wheither it is a play relationship, or a full time relationship, you have to go slowm build trust and caring and the relationship has to have more then just sex involved in it.
I think you have top have othe rthings in common too, such as what you rread, or what your outside interests maybe be like camping, fishing, hiking, sports etc.. Am I right or am I wrong here?

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I don't play casually and I have no experience with that (aside from cybering in chat rooms, but those days are long gone). I view my BDSM relationships like I do any other intimate relationship. I have to have things in common with my partner. W/we aren't having BDSM activities 24/7 and have lives outside of the lifestyle. Yes, I do live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7, but I don't remain chained to the bed, only to come animated when Master comes home.

Because I am Master's wife as well as His sub, W/we have to have things in common, or else it is a very lonely marriage (been there done that, not doing it again). And I think that with any intimate relationship, whether BDSM-related or vanilla, whether it is a marriage or live-in relationship, there have to be interests in common. Sharing is an major part of a relationship. You need to have activities and hobbies in common, or else you do your thing and she does her thing and you don't spend any time together. And that is how you grow as a couple, by spending time together and enjoying things together. Master and I spend as much time as possible together and it has really brought U/us closer as a couple.

[rooshoe]

I've never played casually, so I can't speak on that. I do find that in a relationship, it's essential to have outside interests to keep the relationship fresh. I've also found that beyond having things in common that you enjoy, it is really, really, really important to have similar energy/activity levels and similar outlooks on life. I've found that to be true in strictly vanilla relationships as well. If you want to be out hiking and kayaking every weekend, and don't get ruffled by drivers who cut you off, whereas your partner wants to be inside reading and doing puzzles and is quickly upset by snippy people, you're probably going to have problems beyond any issues you might have in bed.

[Polaris]

I haven't played casually either, so as the others I can't comment on that. I know, however, that in the past the BDSM aspect really was a strong glue for the relationship I had at that time. In a way BDSM is a big common interest, don't you think? Additionally, it comes in the package with trust and respect and tends to eliminate the power struggles that are common in vanilla relationships (at least that's true for me). I don't think, though, that it's a glue strong enough to hold a relationship together. There needs to be some other things to hold on to...some things you have in common, some things you can explore when reality kicks in and neither is in the mood for kink. Just my two cents

[snowflake]

I have played casual with two others when i was with my old Master.. He enjoyed sharing me.. and you are right .. you still have to have trust and respect but you also need those times that you enjoy when you are sitting around after a play session.. I would spend a few days with these other Doms not just a few hours.. so we had to have a comman ground ..and things we enjoyed to do together..

I am still very close friends with the other two Dom's although we do not play any more.. and still enjoy their company and their humor and sharing things we both enjoy ..

As far as respect goes .. there has to be respect and concern for all parties or it is not much fun for either let alone the safety feature which is extremely important..

With both i had my saftey words .. they knew my limits and they took care of me even if i was ill.. as anyone concerned about a close friend would..Yes there were strong emotions and attachements.. but you have to have those to gain the trust that is needed even in a causal relationship.. just as you do with any close freindship..

I truly beleive it is wise to go slow and build on a D/s relationship... That way the trust is there as without it ..the relaxation and enjoyment can not be completely fufilled.. And it is harder to push limits and boundaries which you need to do to grow...

Just my opinion

hugs
snow

[Nixxi_Chaos]

I don't know if this makes me strange or not, but I've only ever dominated people who weren't in a relationship with me. I've been with the same girl for 5 years and we've always been equal for the most part, I've got little to no desire to abuse people I respect, I've always had separate 'arrangements' for that kind of thing..Granted, I'm still fairly young so I'm not so free to do things as I'd wish, so that limits me quite a bit.

That was a pointless post X_X I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even bothered lol..I just realized that what I said was pretty much irrelevant to anything.

[fetishdj]

I agree that you need the respect no matter how long the relationship or if it is a relationship or 'just' casual play. There needs to be a connection, an understanding and you rarely get that just from an initial meeting. This is another reason, other than basic common sense and safety, why you do not play on a first date but spend time instead talking about your likes and dislikes.

[slaveaislinn]

respect is an absolute must, and i have only been in a relationship with my Master so i believe that it's extremely important to have outside the bedroom common interests and compatibility.