Hurt

[sassycat4him]

"Through My Eyes"

My life should be an open book, with happiness for the world
To see, but instead I keep my secrets hidden, my pain, my
Sorrow, are just a blur to me.
Most of the days are flying by; it's hard to keep a pace,
My emptiness and worry are, I'm sure, plainly displayed across
My face.
I am a mess, I cannot hide, when all I want to do, is curl
Up and die.
I am lost, without a doubt, my feelings will show, through
This, I pout.
Sad and lonely, my heart will grieve, the pain unbearable,
I cannot see.
My head is spinning, my mind frantic with dispair,
To those around me, they don't know or even seem to care.
My life feels useless but is also burdened, instead of
Carefree,
I want to take back control, for my children, for me.
At the crossroads with no compass in hand, which road to take,
The unbeaten path with hopes of the promise land?
Or the road well traveled, so dark and dreary and seems to
Never end?
This dark and lonely road I seem to know so well,
I've traveled it a many a day while wondering,
Is this hell?
But this road I am familiar with, I know it's every bump
And tree,
It seems to be a hypnotic road, for it won't just let me, be me.
I need a change, something exciting and new,
Where I can find who I am, memories that are few.
My days are filled with loneliness and fears,
Something I can't just wash away with unseen tears.
I don't remember my life before him; it seems to be a blur,
The kids, the jobs, the bills, sometimes, it all just hurts.
We are not one anymore; our hearts, our minds have parted,
But we kind of knew it wouldn't last, even before it started.
I try to remember when we had fun, a little in the end, some
In the middle and few when we begun.
He is my life, my love, my so called better half,
But now I'm torn between right and wrong, and don't know if I
Should cry or laugh.
Marriage is tough, people say, and I believe every word,
Things will get better,
From most, this is what I've heard.
My heart used to pound when he walked into the room,
Now it doesn't skip a beat, the loss, the need, my body
It does consume.
I feel there is little hope for us, this love affair gone
Astray,
For the key I keep to his heart, I may end up throwing
Away.
I am in a place where I can't see either way,
For this hole I've dug, I try to climb out of every single day.
I am sinking faster and the bottom has no end,
If I ever get out of this, will I ever truly mend?
Sometimes I wish the world would just go away,
To leave me in my misery, every second, minute and hour
Of every day.
If I were to disappear, never to be seen or heard again,
Would anyone come looking, my family, my friends?
My heart is heavy, my tears are many,
Is there any hope at all, if only, if any?
I have my children's love and from them, that is all I need,
But this hunger within, this burning desire, is something
They cannot feed.
I need control and a life that is filled with hope,
But the submissive within has taught me to just, cope.
I live this life from day to day, just wishing it would
End,
I need a sign from up above, a message from God that he
Would send.
Assuring me that it's ok, that things will not always be
This way.
I ask for help, for love and peace, but it seems to never
Come, no end, no seize.
Maybe if I do better, I think, the blessings will come
Ten fold,
But I seem to have been abandoned in this world,
So harsh, so lonely, so cold.
Maybe I've just been forgotten, like a nothing, not a care,
Or maybe I am too deep in this hole to feel the warmth
Of the sun or the wind in my hair.
I know that there is a better life for me out there,
Somewhere,
But until I find it, until it's mine, at my soul, hardship
Will tear.
I will not forget the wrongs in my life, I try to learn
From each and every one,
And I know that one day; I will realize that there is so
Much more to life, that it can be fun.
How long will that be? How long will I have to wait?
The choice is up to me I guess, maybe soon, maybe very
Late.
But I know the sky will clear, with my feet firmly on
The ground,
My joy, my happiness, my peace, one day, will be
Found.

[Uncle_Ed]

I can only wish for you the peace that you want in your life.

*hugs*

Ed.

[sassycat4him]

Thank you for your kind words

I can only wish for you the peace that you want in your life.

*hugs*

Ed.

[Rhabbi]

Very nice poem sassy. It makes me sad to read, yet at the same time hopeful.