New Dom with experienced but resistant sub. Help me with discipline

[Austerus]

I'm glad you got a reset and are approaching things fresh. I have to say there are a few red flags in your original post:

• As a dominant, safety is your responsibility. An eager online sub may want to take steps that are unsafe, but just because she says she's comfortable with them doesn't make it ok. If it's a good relationship it will build to the point where you can get email access, pictures, etc. but three weeks to personal email control is pretty iffy.
• Frankly it's pretty sketchy that she's married. Different strokes for different folks and all, but what are you looking for from the relationship? Do you want something longterm? If you do, are you willing to wreck a marriage? If so do you think she'd be willing to leave her husband for you? After three weeks? Why?
• Again, she's married. To a guy who used to be her dom. But who now is ok with other people dominating her, while he doesn't but still remains married to her in a relationship where they go out evenings. Really?
• "Training her with local men" sounds incredibly dangerous. If that means what it sounds like then it's begging for trouble. Is her husband going with her to keep her safe? If so then uhhh...that's weird. If not, then why are you comfortable sending your sub out with strangers when you are nowhere that you can provide support?

Anyhow, I don't mean to sound like a nattering old fuddy duddy. If you and she are happy and SSC then more power to you both. But it sounds kind of like an online relationship where people are letting their virtual passions get ahold of them in the moment, and are then balking at the real life implications once passions have cooled.

Assuming what you've represented in your original post is accurate, and if things get damaged again, then I think you might want to consider finding a sub in a more independent life circumstance, perhaps someone who is learning along with you and is willing to take small, sane steps down the road of discovery with you rather than trying to recreate a situation that she's lived before and obviously didn't work out too well the first times.

[scarlet_85]

I'm glad you got a reset and are approaching things fresh. I have to say there are a few red flags in your original post:

• As a dominant, safety is your responsibility. An eager online sub may want to take steps that are unsafe, but just because she says she's comfortable with them doesn't make it ok. If it's a good relationship it will build to the point where you can get email access, pictures, etc. but three weeks to personal email control is pretty iffy.
• Frankly it's pretty sketchy that she's married. Different strokes for different folks and all, but what are you looking for from the relationship? Do you want something longterm? If you do, are you willing to wreck a marriage? If so do you think she'd be willing to leave her husband for you? After three weeks? Why?
• Again, she's married. To a guy who used to be her dom. But who now is ok with other people dominating her, while he doesn't but still remains married to her in a relationship where they go out evenings. Really?
• "Training her with local men" sounds incredibly dangerous. If that means what it sounds like then it's begging for trouble. Is her husband going with her to keep her safe? If so then uhhh...that's weird. If not, then why are you comfortable sending your sub out with strangers when you are nowhere that you can provide support?

Anyhow, I don't mean to sound like a nattering old fuddy duddy. If you and she are happy and SSC then more power to you both. But it sounds kind of like an online relationship where people are letting their virtual passions get ahold of them in the moment, and are then balking at the real life implications once passions have cooled.

Assuming what you've represented in your original post is accurate, and if things get damaged again, then I think you might want to consider finding a sub in a more independent life circumstance, perhaps someone who is learning along with you and is willing to take small, sane steps down the road of discovery with you rather than trying to recreate a situation that she's lived before and obviously didn't work out too well the first times.

Ok... well... honestly, I agree with all of the above stated. The whole relationship sounds completely unstable with a lack of commitment and devotion. Please forgive me if I am out of line. It sounds to me that your sub may be confused at this point in her life. It seems like she's allowing herself to be put in detrimental situations for the fulfillment of being submissive. I would safely say that this D/s relationship has way too many red flags. I've never understood the on-line side BDSM, however, it seems that those that do participate in it, follow the rules to a T. Again, sorry... but it appears that she's half assing her role as a devoted submissive that seeks satisfying her Master.

I think you doing an in depth conversation and resetting boundaries was a good thing. My only question is: if it reverts back to the way things had been, how many times are you willing to reset the roles?

I apologize for any negativity that I have pushed on to the topic. I think I have interpreted it all as a bad match. I feel horrible for saying that

Regardless, I will hope for the best for the both of you.