I know what you mean about fighting against your feelings, (for me it was abuse too, by someone i should have been able to trust). I don't know how it is for you but when i start feeling iffy (for want of a better word) i literally can't talk about it, my thoughts get all jumbled so i take myself out of the way for a while and just sit quietly, if i'm away for a while though my Master tends to come to see me, and make sure i'm ok, if i still feel iffy he leaves again for a while.

This way works for me because if i'm having to fight my own feelings i cant relate to Master in the same way as when i'm well and tend to be very stroppy, if i'm left alone i tend to come round quicker. Its difficult to explain, but i hope you get the idea

Dont worry about asking, also feel free to PM if you want

xx