Thank you all so much for your direction. You were all very helpful. My trauma was one very much based on power and control lorded over me in an abusive way by one very trusted by me. I believe it is a trust issue and one of 'what does he want from me'. It comes and goes; sometimes I am more prone to it and other times not so much. I think I have this background noise of 'you are acting caring but I have been fooled by that before'. I will, as you suggest Denuseri, be patient with myself. That goes against the grain for me but am learning it is so important here. Thank you.

Kurious, I think it is both a lack a trust and needing to be strong. I find that I tend to have more spells around him. Most likely because he feels safe in so many ways so I think that I can put my guard down. When we start into the dynamics, I feel I need to ward off the 'vulnerability' that places me into.

Foreverchained, I like your thought of just letting it wash over me as I feel that when I fight it it makes me more prone...may I ask, do you remove yourself from Master at those times or does your Master know and stand back a bit?

Thank you all so much for your help....