Dear spice

Its actually a perfectly natural responce for anyone to have depending upon their individual personality and situation.

But also imho says you dont trust him fully yet eaither in all things, at least when your having one of your "spells". Which is perfectly OK. I love and trust my Owner in ways that I would no other, I owe him my very life, but even I have issues that are beyound my control sometimes, we all do. Especially those of us who have been unduely harmed before.

And real trust, takes time and real deeds to develope and it takes even longer when your dealing with things that precluded your current relationship (if thats what your speaking about)

It can't be forced by eaither of you.

When dealing with trust issues and "triggers" that I have had in the past and currently under certian situations still have, my Owner takes a much different approach than is ussually the case when its comes to many aspects of M/s. He offers to help, but doesnt demand my compliance. Often times He simply waits very patiently and lets me come to him after making sure that I know his door is allways open. Since I was very badly harmed and hurt in some pretty bad ways by others before, I have a lot of different things that make it difficult for me sometimes and He prefers to gently coax my submission forth as opposed to trying to push things, especially when what would be normal levels of pushing in any other typical D/s arrangment will just make things worse.

Its hard for both of us sometimes, but its what we have found to work best for us. many of the things that I once enjoyed doing were ruinned for me by the others, and slowly but surely he has been helping me to find enjoyment in this way of life again.

If your master is able to go to therapy with you it can really help (provided you have a kink friendly therapist its even more helpful, but not entirely nesseary)/ a therapist doesnt nessesarally have to know your kinks to help you and he work together at comunication and such.

It also helps a lot if your master can understand that your reactions are not nessesaraly a reflection of his dominion in these situations your describing.

Work on them together and at your own pace, don't try to force things.

I wish you and he the best of luck and hope that you will have a long and fruitful journey together.

Respectfully

denuseri