Sorry I took so long to reply again, but thank you everyone for your responses.

Everyone keeps mentioning 'changing him' and I keep saying, to myself, but i'm not! However, I really am going to watch for that (when i get home anyways). I feel like I'm not trying to change him because, as I tell him, if he's not interested, I really won't push. I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want, so much as I want him to decide how much of it he wants. We've talked (again) and I'm going to join the local "kink society" when I get home, and he can too if he wants. And we'll go from there...

I'm glad to hear about others who have the same experiences with people bringing out their subby side. Especially this:
"what i do is try to keep it under control. Remind myself that it's in _my_ head and the other person isn't really dominating me, i just think he is, lol."

Thanks bipolar, that is exactly what happens around him. its in my head, its in my head... good mantra.


I am going to have to read up on poly, and to put serious thought into this. Am I happy, is he happy? Can we find a solution that lets me be kinky without pushing him into something he may not want?

I appreciate all of your responses!