How do you "look" for a Dom?

[leah06]

Miimii, I hit the "thanks" button but it's not enough - I want to thank you so much for this useful post. I have certainly wondered the same thing myself.

And thanks to everyone who has provided resources. I joined alt-dot-com today, on the advice of Ragoczy and SnickerKitten, but boy, is it depressing!

[miimii]

Miimii, I hit the "thanks" button but it's not enough - I want to thank you so much for this useful post. I have certainly wondered the same thing myself.

And thanks to everyone who has provided resources. I joined alt-dot-com today, on the advice of Ragoczy and SnickerKitten, but boy, is it depressing!

I'm glad that you find it helpful as well! I know it sounds kind of like I'm asking to be spoonfed, but honestly, I just don't know. My previous experiences found me meeting men who just weren't for me for various reasons. For me another concern is that while I want to be respectful, just because a Dom notices me and wants to communicate with me, that doesn't make him my new Dom. KWIM?

I also have been in some not very safe situations as well and I am truly scared of being put in another one. The more I think of it, I probably should have asked the question in this way...to the owned subs on this forum, what was it that made you know that your Dom was your Dom? What were some of the things that He/She did that let you know that you were safe and that they were a safe person to give your submission to?

Again, thanks everyone for your responses!

[jeanne]

...what was it that made you know that your Dom was your Dom? What were some of the things that He/She did that let you know that you were safe and that they were a safe person to give your submission to?

Our relationship didn't start online, but I knew Him from here at the library. What that means is - I had been reading His posts for about 6 months, but we had only had one direct interaction - He mentioned a 'position' in a games thread, I PMed Him for an explanation, He explained, I thanked Him...and that was it. Over the months of reading His posts I was intrigued by Him, He appeared to be the kind of Dom that could be trusted, but I did not pursue a further relationship with Him.

Then He took a road trip and posted His route and stated His intention to meet people from the library for coffee or lunch if they'd like...so I did. We met for lunch...the chemistry was intense, and yet I felt safe...and I knew He could be the Dom of my deepest desires, if I were able to let go. I was, He is, and it's wonderful. If you're interested, here's the story of how we met. http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=11686

I don't know if this helps. Trust your instincts. There's a difference between that delicious feeling of anticipation tinged with fear and an outright blaring of your internal warning system. Think about how you felt entering unsafe situations...I'd be willing to bet deep inside you knew.