i have read this post several times. So here are my two cents worth.
You are worried about your appearance, well don't. People who attended there come in all shapes and sizes and all kinds of appearances. If they want to remember you they remember you if you look old or young or thin or fat. They will remember you for who and what you are, not for the size or shape or look you portray. Two, what and who is a nobody? Are you making some assumptions here that may or not be happening. Without going to much into my own situation i used to think a bit on the same lines as yours. Went to munches 100's of miles away, even took great care to sorta conceal my identity. How shallow of me. What made me think i was so much of a *somebody* to have to go through so much trouble. But all this comes with time and the comfort level you build up with you and your group. Nine times out of ten now I know exactly who will be at what event and yes now i'm actually comfortable with who and what i'm. Will there be people who will not agree with how i choose my life? of course they are. But people will also scrutinize your friends, your family, your neighbors and so on. I suppose you will have to make up your own mind.
One last afterthought, if you are interested in a large bdsm event. Simply go. You be surprised who attends those things. In addition everyone signs a privacy waver and well the last one i attended i saw a football star and a political figure. it would never ever occur to me to point fingers at them. Would you? perhaps in a way this community as kinky and *un-normal* we are portrayed, we still have more honor then the rest of the world.
And lastly, you can always find a more private setting, there are play parties with smaller numbers all around the country. Get to know some of those members, they can become a family. And a family you prolly can trust more then your natural one.
Well i rambled enough.