Oh my gosh! No, I wouldn't think you are horrible! People change over time.

What you should look at is how fast this changed. Was it gradual over a good long amount of time? Or did it sorta happen quickly in days or weeks?

If something this big, changes this much quickly, you should examine it very closely. There are lots of reasons that could happen.

However, the panic that feel is something you should probably examine as well. Where is that coming from? Often when we settle into something that is comfortable and we begin to relax, old and possibly regressed feelings will start to peek out. I'm not saying you have to be submissive, it's not for everyone. But, you should take some time to see where these feelings are stemming from.