The Next Step in D/s

[Tojo]

The term 'absolutely obedient' sounds too much like a doormat to me. Things change all the time, & so do people- flexibility is very important.

There needs to be a constant challenge for me personally- & boy do I get that with lisa!

[tessa]

I decided to post this threat because I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life with my owner, meaning we're getting married

In his grave, Freud is absolutely salivating at that slip right now.

I believe in regular tasks & rituals, but can't get my head around being married to someone who sees me as her Master.

Geez it's bad enough now, I spend half my life encouraging my wife to be more confident & independant.

Please- no offence to all the lovely subs out there who are powerful & confident, & married to their Dom- I know it's possible!

No offense taken by this lovely, powerful and confident sub, but those who are still in need of encouragement and support from their significant other might take offense. I think it's the "...bad enough..." that will get them where it probably already hurts.

Ironically enough one of the things I struggle with the most is something that I truly want which is to have children one day. I know its possible, so many of you, and others have children and manage to keep the kinky spice alive, but I must admit I worry that it will cut it into the 24/7 control relationship I live with my owner. We all have our obligations regardless of the D/s. but I just think that my son or daughter finding their mom completely mummified and helpless in the basement would cause some problems. Does that make sense or just sound plain silly?! lol

It makes sense, and while yummy-image producing, does not sound silly at all.

Having children can and will wreak havoc interruptus on the physical activities now and again...and again and again. But the mental play can still continue. You just need to have realistic expectations about how it will be after tots are toddling around and getting into everything. ~pictures him amidst the tots...thinks of Napolean Dynamite saying, "you gonna eat those tots?"...giggles wildly~

And yes, your child finding you mummified in the basement would freak him-tot or her-tot out to no end. I don't recommend it. And forget locked doors. They become something to conquer to aforementioned tots. And there is no mood-killer like the one where your child is on the other side of the door, knocking loudly and saying even more loudly, over and over, "Hey! Mommy?? Daddy?? What are you doing? Can I come in too? Hey? Mooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyy!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyyy!! Let me in!" As Lily said, utilize heavily stay-overs at Grandma's if you can.

This made me think of another question?! How many doms demand or better put expect (b/c some ask very sweetly, which is absolutely nerve wracking) a girl or boy to be absolutely obedient. Where does the line get drawn between physically being told to things, and living your life precisely as someone else sees fit?! *very inquisitive glance all around*

The line is drawn by the both of you together, in precisely the way you want it to be drawn. Everyone's line is unique and in all kinds of different places.

The term 'absolutely obedient' sounds too much like a doormat to me. Things change all the time, & so do people- flexibility is very important.

There needs to be a constant challenge for me personally- & boy do I get that with lisa!

Good for you and lisa. Glad you have the relationship you want. I have to say, though, qualifying the type of submissive that certain Dominants prefer as a "doormat" is a bit off-putting, much the same as characterizing challenging submissives as bratty bitches who top from the bottom would be.

Progressing to an absolute level of obedience doesn't signify stagnancy. Quite the opposite, I imagine. Talk about an ever-changing process! That kind of discipline doesn't just happen. It takes time and skill and perseverance from a Dominant and submissive to achieve such. All-around challenge, I would think.

We are all unique, no matter our manner of serving. Name-calling should be left to those who utilize it best- presidential candidates with self-serving agendas. Besides, they make it funny. There's that.

[lily27]

And yes, your child finding you mummified in the basement would freak him-tot or her-tot out to no end. I don't recommend it. And forget locked doors. They become something to conquer to aforementioned tots. And there is no mood-killer like the one where your child is on the other side of the door, knocking loudly and saying even more loudly, over and over, "Hey! Mommy?? Daddy?? What are you doing? Can I come in too? Hey? Mooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyy!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyyy!! Let me in!" As Lily said, utilize heavily stay-overs at Grandma's if you can.

Good points. I think very few children will notice a locked door, and then just go about their business on their own (unless maybe they are teenagers, and know what mom and dad are doing, and have to go do something to strip it from their minds). But it does give you a few seconds to get the cuffs off and throw the flogger into the closet!

[orangeblossoms]

Good points. I think very few children will notice a locked door, and then just go about their business on their own (unless maybe they are teenagers, and know what mom and dad are doing, and have to go do something to strip it from their minds). But it does give you a few seconds to get the cuffs off and throw the flogger into the closet!

Couldnt have been better said, Ive had to pull a couple of those when I stay over at my folks house, throw everything in the closet real quick, and manage to hope that you put your clothes on the right way, so hurray to door locks, saved me from being caught in some truly awkward positions!!!

[Ozme52]

In his grave, Freud is absolutely salivating at that slip right now.

Laffin, My thoughts exactly.

I have to say, though, qualifying the type of submissive that certain Dominants prefer as a "doormat" is a bit off-putting, much the same as characterizing challenging submissives as bratty bitches who top from the bottom would be.

I have to say that absolute obedience is far from making a sub into a doormat. I know all too many partnerships which are passive-agressive, with the partners listening but ignoring their mates, or not listening at all... or debasing their partners with verbal abuse...

and I know plenty of partnerships where one partner is absolutely obedient yet everything is fully considered and discussed, decisions are made together in full partnership. But when there remains a disagreement, there will be one who makes that decision. It may even be, 'You have to decide on your own.' and even THAT order must be obeyed. When I've heard enough, a 'hush now and let me think about it for a while' gets a hush.

The point is, with absolute obedience on the table, you just don't go to that point in a partnership where one partner (or both) has withdrawn from the partnership and just accepts the tacit service provided by the spouse, whether it is income, or yardwork, or household chores. That's creating a doormat in my opinion.

Progressing to an absolute level of obedience doesn't signify stagnancy. Quite the opposite, I imagine. Talk about an ever-changing process! That kind of discipline doesn't just happen. It takes time and skill and perseverance from a Dominant and submissive to achieve such. All-around challenge, I would think.

Agreed.

[Tojo]

Yeah I guess absolute obedience isn't technically a 'doormat' but geez it sounds a bit that way to me. I was thinking more of a sub who says yes to everything right from day one.

My own personal preference is for a little brattiness & lots of intelligence to keep me on my toes I guess. It's the challenge that keeps it interesting.

Having thought about this thread, I'd have to confess I do like my girl to do what I want though. Absolute obedience might be stretching it, but it's important to be serious.

[Isabella King]

Where's the fun in absolute obedience?

My own personal preference is for a little brattiness & lots of intelligence to keep me on my toes I guess. It's the challenge that keeps it interesting.

I like the cut of your gib, Tojo

[tessa]

~skips on in and gives Mr. Dean and orangeblossoms big ol' hugs and sneaks in a few gropes...sees Mr. Dean's pout and humors the man by groping on him as well~



You both have already gotten my heart-felt congrats, but here they are again, just 'cause I wanted to grope the cute one. ~winks at her~

Love you guys!
tessa

[H Dean]

~skips on in and gives Mr. Dean and orangeblossoms big ol' hugs and sneaks in a few gropes...sees Mr. Dean's pout and humors the man by groping on him as well~



You both have already gotten my heart-felt congrats, but here they are again, just 'cause I wanted to grope the cute one. ~winks at her~

Love you guys!
tessa

Thank you, Tessa.