Relationships outside of marriage

[Flaming_Redhead]

She asked how you can have a D/s relationship outside of a marriage and still have honesty, and she also asked when is it okay to go outside the marriage to start a D/s relationship. Everyone is giving their honest opinion on what is oftentimes a volatile subject. I won't say it's okay if I don't think it is, but it's not my decision to make for anyone but ME. We are all responsible for the decisions we make and must ultimately bear the consequences of those decisions. Sometimes our decisions affect other people directly or indirectly, either positively or negatively. That being said, if you're going to air your dirty laundry on a public forum, don't be surprised if not everyone approves of your skidmarked underwear. Eww...that was kinda gross....*ggls* Anyway, it's like having kinks...what works for some doesn't work for others.

[thrall]

She asked how you can have a D/s relationship outside of a marriage and still have honesty, and she also asked when is it okay to go outside the marriage to start a D/s relationship. Everyone is giving their honest opinion on what is oftentimes a volatile subject. I won't say it's okay if I don't think it is, but it's not my decision to make for anyone but ME. We are all responsible for the decisions we make and must ultimately bear the consequences of those decisions. Sometimes our decisions affect other people directly or indirectly, either positively or negatively. That being said, if you're going to air your dirty laundry on a public forum, don't be surprised if not everyone approves of your skidmarked underwear. Eww...that was kinda gross....*ggls* Anyway, it's like having kinks...what works for some doesn't work for others.

Flaming....i love you honey........but that kind of statement isn't going to make her very comfy in asking for information or posting a new thread now is it??


I understand that everyone is giving there honest opinion......and bravo for that.....

What im saying is that she is uncomfortable in the hostile turn of events........this was not the direction she wanted this thread to go.......

yes........she asked a two part question, so it hard to separate the two.


What she wants is the knowledge...........OF HOW TO EXPLORE HER NEW FOUND SUBMISSIVENESS........IN AN ON LINE WORLD.

And she is being very honest about what she is doing...........


OK, so i will start........

Yes you can have an on line relationship and explore you needs...........just be honest about everything you do with your husband. Let him know what you are doing and who you are talking to.

hugs..........

[annie]

Flaming....i love you honey........but that kind of statement isn't going to make her very comfy in asking for information or posting a new thread now is it??


I understand that everyone is giving there honest opinion......and bravo for that.....

What im saying is that she is uncomfortable in the hostile turn of events........this was not the direction she wanted this thread to go.......

yes........she asked a two part question, so it hard to separate the two.


What she wants is the knowledge...........OF HOW TO EXPLORE HER NEW FOUND SUBMISSIVENESS........IN AN ON LINE WORLD.

And she is being very honest about what she is doing...........


OK, so i will start........

Yes you can have an on line relationship and explore you needs...........just be honest about everything you do with your husband. Let him know what you are doing and who you are talking to.

hugs..........

Thrall,

What she asked was...

If someone is in a D/s relationship outside of a marriage, presumably vanilla, how can either of them (D/s couple) know that the other is being honest?

When is it "okay" to have a relationship outside of marriage? If someone realizes they are dominant or submissive but their spouse is neither, is it appropriate to start a new relationship with someone that is in the lifestyle?

And both of those questions have been answered by the people who posted in this thread. Just as you answered it... but each answer is still each persons own opinions. Bottom line, we are sharing out experiences, which is what she asked for from my understanding of the above question. The nature of the topic will at times create a heated atmosphere but ultimately she has to decide what works best for her. No one can decide that for her. And there is no cookie cutter answer to her questions.

She seems to be holding her own so far... I would guess that if she wanted platitudes she wouldn't be here.

[caligirl{Rob}]

I can only tell you this. I have known Cali since I joined the Library and I have met MR in person. They are truly in love and I believe that when the time is right they will be together and be very happy. I hope it can be soon. They were blessed to find one another.
I just had an ugly wake up call and may not have all the time in the world to finally be with Dragon, as we had once thought. (We have no other relationships in our way, but we have elderly parents and job responsibilities that keep us apart). And even though he is ill, I still can't leave to be with him, as much as I would like to. Mean old Master insists on being "practical". Pfffft! However, I would strongly encourage anyone that has had a long term, real life relationship with their Dominant or submissive, and are totally confident that this is what they need to be happy, to do whatever they can to make that relationship exclusive.
Just my 2 copper tarns worth..... "peace" ~blizz~

i love you so much blizz!! and you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Dragon always (darn practical Doms!") HUGS!!

I was going to post in response to several and defend my choice(s). But, have decided against it.

Basically, unless you are me and have lived the EXACT life, with the same people, circumstances, etc. then your words and response to this topic are nothing more then that. Yours. You may have handled the situations differently, but that is something that can never be completely proven... since you are NOT me.

We are all entitled too our opinions, just as I am entitled to make the choices I feel are best for me and mine. We can either agree to disagree on those views and move on or not. But I will no longer defend myself to anyone for being who I am and making the decisions I felt necessary in my situation. No one has to agree with me... but it isn't fair to judge or insult me in the process.

that was beautifully stated annie...no way to improve on perfection! HUGS!

She asked how you can have a D/s relationship outside of a marriage and still have honesty, and she also asked when is it okay to go outside the marriage to start a D/s relationship. Everyone is giving their honest opinion on what is oftentimes a volatile subject. I won't say it's okay if I don't think it is, but it's not my decision to make for anyone but ME. We are all responsible for the decisions we make and must ultimately bear the consequences of those decisions. Sometimes our decisions affect other people directly or indirectly, either positively or negatively. That being said, if you're going to air your dirty laundry on a public forum, don't be surprised if not everyone approves of your skidmarked underwear. Eww...that was kinda gross....*ggls* Anyway, it's like having kinks...what works for some doesn't work for others.

silly me looked at it as honestly answering a serious question with the thoughtful and open view of the reality of my own life, my own experience, and difficult choices made to get through each day...that is obviously something that is not wise to do...i don't apologize nor seek approval, but also don't expect the willingness to share part of my experience as open season to be judged

[Flaming_Redhead]

silly me looked at it as honestly answering a serious question with the thoughtful and open view of the reality of my own life, my own experience, and difficult choices made to get through each day...that is obviously something that is not wise to do...i don't apologize nor seek approval, but also don't expect the willingness to share part of my experience as open season to be judged

I don't think you owe anyone here an apology nor do you need anyone here to approve of what you do. However, expecting not to be judged is a bit naive. Hell, I've been called sick, twisted and dangerous by fellow BDSMers because of some of my kinks, which was kind of surprising since I don't consider myself as hard core as some people.

[caligirl{Rob}]

I don't think you owe anyone here an apology nor do you need anyone here to approve of what you do. However, expecting not to be judged is a bit naive. Hell, I've been called sick, twisted and dangerous by fellow BDSMers because of some of my kinks, which was kind of surprising since I don't consider myself as hard core as some people.

good to know ....judgement and snarky comments for humors sake is a good reason to avoid trying to offer any insight

[Playfulsub]

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

[caligirl{Rob}]

that is wonderful news! It is always a good thing when people are able to communicate...wishing you all the best!
hugs!
cali

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

[Isabelle90]

I have a positive update to add to this thread. Namely, my husband and I had a really enlightening conversation this weekend. In short, we talked a lot about the problems in our marriage in the past, and our communication issues. And you know what? I really, really think he understands this time. And he apologized for not understanding in the past.

Anyway, we both made a commitment to really make an honest effort to make our marriage work. We're also going to explore the potential of a D/s relationship as we regain our trust in each other. So, I might be needing some feedback from those of you who are in D/s relationships with your long-time spouses.

Feeling optimistic,

playful

I'm a sucker for a happy ending!!!! Even more so for the romance!

How about spilling some details as you journey through this? Of course, I mean "juicy" details! LOL

Seriously, Play, I wish you all the best in all of your endeavors! As well as everyone else on their own journey. We're a community of supporters, learners, and hopefully, friends!

[jeanne]

Playfulsub - that's wonderful news! I wish you both the best of luck.