I can see where your frustration comes from. There are stereotypes even in the BDSM community. That is what you are encountering.

If I were you, I would just quietly attend the meetings, offering tid bits of your view when asked. Then when that queen you search for shows, you will be able to dazzle her with your understanding of what is going on. so she sees you worthy to be made to feel small by her.

Good luck in your venture.