a short short story

[Mad Lews]

Very sweet. Enough to make Al Bundy sweat
My only suggestion would be to work on "Like chocolate melting on my tongue the suede is to my foot. Soft. Velvety."
Maybe "The soft velvety suede caresses my foot, like chocolate melting over my tongue."
The allusion is great, so very feminine, but seemed a tad awkward. Just the musings of a mad one.
Mad Lews

[gladgirl]

Very sweet. Enough to make Al Bundy sweat
My only suggestion would be to work on "Like chocolate melting on my tongue the suede is to my foot. Soft. Velvety."
Maybe "The soft velvety suede caresses my foot, like chocolate melting over my tongue."
The allusion is great, so very feminine, but seemed a tad awkward. Just the musings of a mad one.
Mad Lews

Thank you for the wonderful feedback everyone. What do you think of this as an alternative to the akward sentence?

The suede wraps my foot carressing me like a soft velvety chocolate melting over my tongue.

[Mad Lews]

Thank you for the wonderful feedback everyone. What do you think of this as an alternative to the akward sentence?

The suede wraps my foot like a soft velvety chocolate melting over my tongue.

Sounds lickable to me
Mad

[gladgirl]

wow that was some quick replying, lol. You replied before I had the chance to add something to it. hehe.


gladgirl24

[Rhabbi]

Thank you for the wonderful feedback everyone. What do you think of this as an alternative to the akward sentence?

The suede wraps my foot carressing me like a soft velvety chocolate melting over my tongue.

I am upset that Lews was here to reply first, but that image makes my mout waater and I have a strange urge to go shoe shopping.

[gladgirl]

All this positive reinforcement is really getting my creative juices flowing. I think I might be feeling the writer's block lift a little.