WOW!!

Marvelous, loved every word of it. Hot, hot hot.

Wonderful evokation of the extreme anger in the beginning.

Now i do agree with HDean that in some place you do use the informal usage in your narrative and exposition. The casual usages are best left to the dialogue. However, they only stand out so much because the rest is so superbly presented.

Now on to my picked nits.

She rose from the chair in her bedroom, her intention being to head into the kitchen to calm herself with a cup of warm, soothing Chamomile tea.
replace with intending
gives the sentence a better flow.


For so many years her tears had come quickly, giving her the outlet to express her insulted emotions. Although, to be fair, never before had she so completely lost herself in the anger. Sure, she had felt the edges of that particular emotion.
Suggested rewrite:

For so many years her tears had come quickly, giving outlet to insulted emotions; never before has she so completely lost herself in the anger, despite feeling the ragged edges of that particular emotion.

She found she wanted to cry. Then maybe this boiling fury would cool some.
Try this

She wanted to cry, hoping tears would cool this boiling fury.



Her father had always been more concerned with business than most any other thing in life.
". . . .business that almost anything else. . . ."
just a stylistic thing along the same lines as those HDean pointed out.

She stood and walked around to the front of her desk as she spoke to him, smoothing down the deep gray fabric of her skirt. The cool blue of her shirt emphasized the dark auburn of her hair and the deep darkness of her eyes.
You have used the word "deep" two times in as many sentences. You need to find a substitute for one of them. Perhaps her eyes could have "smoldering darkness".

Mark kissed her as if he could breathe her in through his lips.
did you change his name during the writing??? You have several Mark's in here. Just run a find and replace on the original document. No worries, i have done the same thing myself
. . . the very things that moments before had been deep inside her.suggested rewrite

". . . the very things that had been deep inside her only moments before.
Then Mark turned to leave her office.

"Then" is an unnecessary word here.