I have spells of not feeling well. When I am not well I feel incredibly vulnerable (because I am). My Master has been here just about every evening for he past 2 months 'helping me' through these 'spells'. Before that he was here just about every night for months before with a 2 month or so interruption of our relationship in between. The interruption was my doing. I felt badly for the hard time he was doing with me so I asked him to leave.

I have found that during my 'spells' or when I am feeling weak and vulnerable coming into or going out of the spells, I have the worst time in the world referring to him as Master. Keep in mind this is all pretty new to me, so it is not hard core ingrained at this point. But still, it is like it screams out to me while I am sick that I just cannot give someone that control. No idea why - it isn't like he doesn't deserve it as he is absolutely deserving of it especially through those times. He works so very hard to help me.

Can anyone tell me please, do you have a hard time with the dynamic when feeling vulnerable or is that when it comes more easily to you?