Why 'slut' ?

It might be induced by heart-ache but the association of 'submissive' and 'slut' is really beginning to bug me. Its not that under the right circumstances - meaning the bedroom or where ever else I happen to be in subspace - don't like to be called a slut and be treated like one... but right now I just hate the general idea.

I am not a slut. In fact I am a lot less of a slut just because I am a submissive - my submissiveness makes it very hard for me to be a slut, in fact. (I only sleep with men I love, I can only love a man I can submit to, and once I love him I am his and only his.)

The thing is, I am tired of men thinking that just because I may like to have my bottom spanked, that means that they can generally treat me like I don't matter. I am sick of that particular part of being treated like a slut...
To be honest right now I am so sick of it, I'd rather go back to having a vanilla boyfriend who loves and adores me than to self-proclaimed Masters and Doms who only satisfy themselves... in the end.
Is it so much to ask for to be loved as deeply as I can love?

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Originally Posted by Laila

It might be induced by heart-ache but the association of 'submissive' and 'slut' is really beginning to bug me. Its not that under the right circumstances - meaning the bedroom or where ever else I happen to be in subspace - don't like to be called a slut and be treated like one... but right now I just hate the general idea.

I am not a slut. In fact I am a lot less of a slut just because I am a submissive - my submissiveness makes it very hard for me to be a slut, in fact. (I only sleep with men I love, I can only love a man I can submit to, and once I love him I am his and only his.)

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I agree with you in part...I am not a slut as many men would see, I am however my Masters slut.

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Originally Posted by Laila

The thing is, I am tired of men thinking that just because I may like to have my bottom spanked, that means that they can generally treat me like I don't matter. I am sick of that particular part of being treated like a slut...
To be honest right now I am so sick of it, I'd rather go back to having a vanilla boyfriend who loves and adores me than to self-proclaimed Masters and Doms who only satisfy themselves... in the end.
Is it so much to ask for to be loved as deeply as I can love?

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This does not in the least mean that he treats me like I don't matter, just the opposite actually, he treats me with respect, adoration, he is the most caring man I have ever known. All these things are the reason I am his. Like you, I will not submit to just anyone, only the one who treats me right deserves the same in return.

I don't know your situation, it sounds like you have been meeting some wannabe's, maybe you have yet to meet your true Master, I believe that when you do you will be happy to be his slut and only his :)

Be patient, never lose your sense of self, and most of all don't settle for less than what will make you happy.

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Originally Posted by good_girl

I don't know your situation, it sounds like you have been meeting some wannabe's, maybe you have yet to meet your true Master, I believe that when you do you will be happy to be his slut and only his :)

Be patient, never lose your sense of self, and most of all don't settle for less than what will make you happy.

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Thank you hun, and I agree. I had a Master who made me feel like that - but in the end it wasn't enough and I think I am just feeling sorry for myself. Especially after more recent experiences with yeah... a wannabe.

I agree with what you've said so far, but I also think there is a valid reason to be called a slut by my owner, as good_girl pointed out. If I think about sex often and do whatever my Mistress wants, it's true that I'm a little slutty... so when she calls me HER slut, it's okay. I do not think anyone should be called a slut by someone other than his/her owner. But for some, the fact that it is seen as a humiliating or degrading term is what they like. And if the shoe fits...

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Originally Posted by bondsman{lvsHrleash}

But for some, the fact that it is seen as a humiliating or degrading term is what they like. And if the shoe fits...

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I am very unexperienced and dominated by a girl who doesn't want to own me, so I try, very humbly, to say something only about the verbal aspect of the thing. My friend Lila never uses degrading tone with me. Her words are tender even if she gives me sharp pain. We both enjoy the relationship this way.

It doesn't mean that I don't accept degrading terms, but my experience about it is exclusively online. When I was called slut, I understood it as a form of humiliation, and I wanted humiliation, even if I am not a slut really. So I was in peace whith the word.

However, recently I met a gentleman (online) who called me "little one". It was a wonderful feeling. I felt such a tenderness in it that I immediately asked him whether I was allowed to kiss his hand (virtually). And I observed that there are many female subs in the Library who are addressed "little one" by their doms. I feel that the tender word doesn't take the feeling of being humiliated (what I seek in BDSM) but gives it a deep dimension.

It is a recent experience of mine and I shared it, not forgetting that I am a child in BDSM things. Thank you if you took the time to read this. :wave:

I totally agree with what is said - I, too, like to be called slut (or rather his slut or his little slut) but only by my Master and in the right circumstances. It can be very erotic - but like yama, I tend to prefer loving term (little one, his rose etc.).

I think what got me in this funk was that after I lost my Master, I have surfed the net for - I don't know - look what's out there. And so many Masters don't treat submissive with any respect at all.
It might be for someone but I personally choose very carefully who is allowed to call me a slut and that always under the deeper knowledge that really, I am completely his and he is mine. I am still a human being worth just as much as any Dom or any sub...

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Originally Posted by Laila

And so many Masters don't treat submissive with any respect at all.

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That is so true. I am very new to this and I had a hard and fast lesson in it.

I think the thing is, some of them don't care or understand that it up to us to give them permission to call us a name like that. The use of 'girl' or something similar is ok IMO, but the moment it goes to 'bitch' or 'slut' and they don't have my permission.. then that's it.

Some of them seem to think that just because they call themselves Dominant, they can automatically do whatever they want with online submissives.

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Originally Posted by Laila

I totally agree with what is said - I, too, like to be called slut (or rather his slut or his little slut) but only by my Master and in the right circumstances. It can be very erotic - but like yama, I tend to prefer loving term (little one, his rose etc.).

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I am Sirs baby girl most of the time, it is only under the right circumstances that you mentioned that I am his slut.

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Originally Posted by Laila

I think what got me in this funk was that after I lost my Master, I have surfed the net for - I don't know - look what's out there. And so many Masters don't treat submissive with any respect at all.
It might be for someone but I personally choose very carefully who is allowed to call me a slut and that always under the deeper knowledge that really, I am completely his and he is mine. I am still a human being worth just as much as any Dom or any sub...

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Those so called Masters who don't have respect IMO are the wannabes I mentioned earlier. When you meet a true Master, your Master, not only will he treat you with respect, he will insist you treat yourself with respect, he will see your value and treasure it.

The way i see it:

You are no more a slut just because some guy online labels you one than he is a master just because he labels himself one.

i am so so sick of being approached by self proclaimed doms demanding my respect without giving me any - without even bothering to look at my profile which clearly states i am taken.

And i agree with what most of you have said above - i am HIS slut, it is a term of affection and acknowledges that i am always available to him. i am also completely faithful to him, so not a slut in the traditional sense.

ladies, you all have a GREAT position on this matter. What I expect is Respect. Respect gets you a lot further. Plus it startes the relationship that may lead to bigger and better things. I demand it for both the Dom ( myself) and sub. If you have no respect for the other, where are you going in this type of relationship? If all you are looking for is abuse, then good luck. I personally was raised to treat a lady with Respect, and I know I do.

As far as names we use while talking to our sub, big deal, get over it, accept it, and know how Blessed you are to be with your SPECIAL PERSON.

For me, sex and love just cant be separated. Demeaning him, in my opinion, means I feel he is less than worthy of my attention.

Just because he is mine doesnt mean I have the right to treat him poorly. He is my most prized possession. I feel I am lucky to own him, and I treat him as such.

Very nice responses all. My Master calls me his pet (hence my name) in public...only in specific settings like around lifestyle couples who understand that calling me slut (his) isn't degrading.

To me; being his slut means that I always desire him...and want to do anything and everything he wishes me to do sexually or non. Its an erotic term he adresses me by as a reward...or to show his approval...

So I guess it isn't what you are called, in what context and under proper understanding....and not the noun itself?

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Originally Posted by Laila

And so many Masters don't treat submissive with any respect at all.

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So then they are nothing but assholes. Sorry for being so blunt - diplomacy doesn't seem to be necessary when dealing with those "masters" who think they are somehow better than the ones they want to serve them.

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Originally Posted by his_pet {MM}

So I guess it isn't what you are called, in what context and under proper understanding....and not the noun itself?

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Context is everything. :cool:

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Originally Posted by Laila

I think what got me in this funk was that after I lost my Master, I have surfed the net for - I don't know - look what's out there. And so many Masters don't treat submissive with any respect at all.
It might be for someone but I personally choose very carefully who is allowed to call me a slut and that always under the deeper knowledge that really, I am completely his and he is mine. I am still a human being worth just as much as any Dom or any sub...

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You know, it's OK to just tell the person this. I wouldn't just assume someone's an asshole because he applies a certain vocabulary too soon - but I would if he continued after I told him to stop.

My Master, who is my (now) Fiancee of two years, and I have MUCH respect for each other. When he calls me Slut, its normally when we play but normally I am "Pet" and SOMETIMES "slave" ( although he NEVER calls me slave in front of my girls...) when we are playing. Slut doesn't bother much really because if ANYTHING, I am BY FAR NOT what the definition of what a slut is. The ACTUAL definition of one describes that of a "sexually promiscuous woman" and I am not. Unless my Master desires me to sleep with or play with another or decides to share me, I wont even be a slut then because it is HIS wish.

He is my TRUE Master (and love of my life) and when he calls me "slut" sometimes I smile because if anyone else were to call me that, they'd get knocked on their asses, either by me ( who Master has trained in self defense) or by Master who would knock their teeth down their throats for disrespecting his property.

Hi Laila!

After reading your post, it sounds almost like you are torn between liking and disliking the term, but for totally separate reasons, which for the most part I agree with.

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Originally Posted by Laila

I am not a slut. In fact I am a lot less of a slut just because I am a submissive - my submissiveness makes it very hard for me to be a slut, in fact. (I only sleep with men I love, I can only love a man I can submit to, and once I love him I am his and only his.)

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In this regard I agree with you. However, I LOVE being called slut. The reason being that I am HIS slut to use as He pleases. This doesn't mean that he loves me any less, or that I sleep around. Not at all. In our case it's almost a term of endearment. He uses it because I ask him to, because I want him to know that I enjoy being His & His only.

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Originally Posted by Laila

The thing is, I am tired of men thinking that just because I may like to have my bottom spanked, that means that they can generally treat me like I don't matter. I am sick of that particular part of being treated like a slut...

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I think it's completely fair for you to feel this way. Many men (and women) are attracted to this lifestyle for this exact reason. I think there are quite a few men who fancy themselves 'doms' or 'owners' just so they can have their own personal sex slave. Being spanked does not make you a slut. In fact, just because someone calls you a 'Slut' it doesn't automatically make you one.

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Originally Posted by Laila

To be honest right now I am so sick of it, I'd rather go back to having a vanilla boyfriend who loves and adores me than to self-proclaimed Masters and Doms who only satisfy themselves... in the end.
Is it so much to ask for to be loved as deeply as I can love?

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I'm sorry to hear that you lost your Master, but there are just as many Jerk-Face-Nilla's out there as there are in this lifestyle. Finding someone worthy of your needs will always take time, don't rush things. It's a matter of taking the time to get to know people and have them get to know you, too.

If name calling (or anything else) isn't your thing tell the person you are with. Any person you are with should have enough respect for you to listen and understand your concerns. S/he won't know until you tell them.

I'm going to end on this final note:
If someone just assumes you're a slut because you're a sub, write them off. They obviously don't know (or care) enough about you or the BDSM community to warrant your time. Alternately you could kindly advise them where to go to read up on BDSM roles before they inflict themselves on others.

Good luck & Be safe.
~ openlyrefined

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Originally Posted by yama

However, recently I met a gentleman (online) who called me "little one". It was a wonderful feeling. I felt such a tenderness in it that I immediately asked him whether I was allowed to kiss his hand (virtually). And I observed that there are many female subs in the Library who are addressed "little one" by their doms. I feel that the tender word doesn't take the feeling of being humiliated (what I seek in BDSM) but gives it a deep dimension.

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Such a wonderful feeling isn't it? Sir rarely uses (little girl or princess) when He is pampering me (playing with my hair, rubbing my back, snoogling before bed) and it feels wonderful! A totally different feeling of satisfaction from being called 'slut'.

The difference to me (and I'm sorry for gong off topic here Laila) is that 'slut' is usually used when I am looking after his needs. The more he calls me slut, the more I know he understands I want to satisfy his needs, & take care of him. The softer terms of endearment are used when he is taking care of me. it makes me feel safe & protected & cared for.

Both make me warm & fuzzy (well actually one makes me warm & tingly :hubba: ) and neither deters from my role as sub or his love for me.

I have only experienced the term in a humiliation context - the name being specifically used to engender feelings of embarressment in a male sub. As such it comes alongside such terms as 'whore', 'pretty boy', 'my little girl' and so on - reminders that Mistress has feminised the sub.

I think the ones who have been using it in the way you describe (i.e. without knowing you well enough to know if you like it/hate it) are, as stated, arseholes.

I personally wouldn't like being called a slut in any sircumstances, I know some people do because thats what they like and i can see the appeal. I think however, its important for everyone to not put all subs into the same boat. My master would never call me a slut but things like mine etc he does and I love that.

some people just assume that they have respect and yet they have done nothing to deserve it. I submit because their is mutual respect.