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From Rags to Riches
Part 2

So when I make up my mind to do something I usually do it right away, thus I plunged into my search with a vengeance. But even while I decided to take the plunge, at heart I am still a practical girl…*grin*. I believe knowledge is power and I like to be informed, like a hound I sniff out the important bits and pieces. Being an avid reader helps, but of course not all my information comes from books. As we all know the internet is a voracious tool, it scoops up information and tosses it out there for the world to gather up. We can all find ourselves stretched out through cyber space in bits and pieces, our own chips of information just waiting for anyone to scoop up and devour.
So I put my little fingers to work over the keys and behold, walla…..all the wickedness I could possibly dream up was at my fingertips. Holy shit, who knew so many people waded into the same pool as me, leisurely swimming around to bump and brush against each other. I felt like I was treading water and wondering which raft to grab at as they passed me by?? Which one would hold me up and keep my head above water?? In my mind I wanted to find a place where I could be myself, someone with no knowledge about this lifestyle. I wanted to feel comfortable asking questions without hearing all the long suffering sighs from ones who already knew what they were and had what they wanted out of it. A place where people had patience and understanding of all these feelings and desires that were building inside me. People who had swam around in the confusion like I did before they found the right slip to moor in and feel at home. I needed to feel that I could relax in this atmosphere and not be afraid to ask questions, a place where people were willing to share their knowledge with me. I felt like a sponge, willing and ready to soak up any wisdom imparted to me. I was restless, my skin felt like a thousand ants were crawling underneath it. This was a big decision I was making in my life, I wanted to make sure I ventured down the right pathways. What I started now not only affected me but all those in my life, so I wanted to make the right decision about where I was going to test the waters. I mean I didn’t really know anything about the dark waters I was getting ready to tread into, what sinuous and silent dangers lurked out there to pull me under. When the vulnerable are out there the sharks seem to know when to circle, the eels to slither closer and those octopuses with a million hands reach out to grab a hold. They could drag you underneath and take control, drowning you and your new spark of life in a moment. I was the vulnerable one, the innocent with no true knowledge about the lifestyle, just what I felt in my heart and soul was right for me. In all aspects of life there is always the ones waiting it the shadows to pounce on the lost, ready to drag you down into the depths with them away from the ones that can help you the most.
So I decided I didn’t want to swim out at too fast pace and tire myself out, I would have to dog paddle and breast stroke…*wink*, to make sure I could get to the other side and find what I needed without sinking down deep in the depths. I was like a guilty child, peeking in doors and drawers that had once been forbidden to me. I was titillated and breathless by the pictures and stories that flowed out to me from these remarkable places. I have always been a voracious reader, feeling the written word produced inside of me so much more feelings and touched me in places that mere pictures never could. So I proceeded to drink down story after story, feeling how they all seemed to connect to some small part of my soul. This quenched my thirst slightly but also whetted my appetite for more. All of those naughty wicked things that were just in my head someone else had put down on paper for me, really?? Well no so much for me per se….*grin* but I did enjoy the many and varied stories out there. I was like a greedy, starving kid in a candy store. I would carry them to bed with me to read late into the night like a voyeur, hiding under the covers so as not to get caught peeking into the lives of others. After all bed is where most of the good things happened, masturbation and fantasizing….and now I had all these titillating tales at my hands.
So like the greedy child I was, for do not doubt my innocence in the true state of things. It took me awhile to wade up from the sugar rush of lustful stories I had been reading to get around to actually looking at the really important parts of the sites. The information that bombarded me was a bit overwhelming and I felt a slight drowning sensation at which way to swim…..but for some reason was drawn to the BDSM library. I journeyed my way out of the story section and realized there was so much more to learn by joining the forums, people…real people not stories that could maybe help me find my way in this maze of leather and lace. Something pulled me in that direction and my fingers just took over, *shrug* some call it fate, some call it karma but whatever it was I felt the tug deep down inside of me. I took a deep breath and decided to finally stop peeking through the windows, throw open the sash and climb on in.
But to my extreme horror *grin*, I realized I had to come up with a name for myself. Not only that, they wanted to know my interests, roles, etc. Hell I wasn’t even really sure what I was interested in, I just knew what I liked from reading….a few small experimentation's but nothing on this scale. I admit I had a few moments of panic, though most of you are probably thinking how silly. But I mean really….I didn’t know anything about the people here, all were strangers to me. I was about to expose myself to all of them, tell them all the dark secrets I had previously keep locked up tight in my head and heart. Because what I was judging all these souls I didn’t know by was all the people I had known in my life, how I knew they would look at me if they saw all these dark, wicked things I wanted done to me…even though I know it was wrong. I felt like the waves were getting bigger and bigger, a storm was rising inside of me and soon I would be overwhelmed and not able keep my head above water. Little did I know as I took that plunge that I would become a strong swimmer, a life guard who rescues and someone who becomes rescued by the other half of myself…….