On abuse - the importance of 'sane' in SSC

[Snark]

An interesting blog. The concept described and titled being "sane" is actually the more subjective component of the three precepts. One person's sanity is another person's perverse insanity. Perhaps a better concept would be "responsible", both to each other as well as to ones' self. The DSM IV not withstanding, the designation of "sanity" is generally only attributed after the reverse of the condition is revealed. Abusers will always abuse until stopped; if they find a partner willing and consenting to be abused then there is no stopping them until such circumstances clearly demonstrate their insanity. Unfortunately responsibility rarely accompanies these individuals either.

[thir]

An interesting blog. The concept described and titled being "sane" is actually the more subjective component of the three precepts. One person's sanity is another person's perverse insanity. Perhaps a better concept would be "responsible", both to each other as well as to ones' self. The DSM IV not withstanding, the designation of "sanity" is generally only attributed after the reverse of the condition is revealed. Abusers will always abuse until stopped; if they find a partner willing and consenting to be abused then there is no stopping them until such circumstances clearly demonstrate their insanity. Unfortunately responsibility rarely accompanies these individuals either.

Well said - responsible is a better word. But it still doesn't really cover the issue, because 'being responsible' sort of assumes
that there are clear and defined bounderies between 'not responsible' and 'responsible'.

So what is abuse? "Hurting" people is a part of it, in that bruises and brandings and piercings and lots of stuff is done -
consensually. So what is abuse here?
Some use blood sports, or breath control or other dangerous games. Is that ok, if consensual? When is it abusive?
Then there are the mind games, humilation and lots of other stuff. Is it responsible if it is consensual?

How do we know that we are responsible? Is it enough that we want to be?