Not sure what it is or where it's going

[ElectricBadger]

Pardon my intrustion into sub space

I would suggest you find a reasonably short but quality piece describing what bdsm is (specifically, is to you) and send it to him with a small intro, along the lines of "This seems kind of sexy. Does this sound like our relationship to you? Would you want us to go towards this direction?" That shows your interest without promising or demanding anything or instigating massive changes (all of which freak out partners), and invites his response and a real conversation. I suspect a few "I like this, but not this..." lines will help both of you along. If he's already acting like a Dom, then although he may not want the title/want to be part of a "lifestyle", he may be a lot more open to the concepts behind it (which is the important bit anyways, yeah?)

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[Ozme52]

Pardon my intrustion into sub space

Like you were the first.

[Tojo]

'Questions for a submissive/slave' -didn't see that!

Oops.... *insert embarrassed smiley*



Tojo

[moptop]

Thanks everyone - interesting & helpful. This is my first question to the community and I'm so grateful at getting friendly, caring responses and so quickly.

You all had helpful advice - I would particularly like to thank Tom of Sweden and pttwyn. Yes, does he realise the Pandora's box he's opening up and getting back? I'm lucky, he is a caring, loving man - sounds wierd, I guess, but he's very gentle. But we havn't had the chance to discuss our activities and what they really mean - we've just sort of got on with them! Luckily, we're getting to spend some extended time together come end November. Tojo, I'm doing a lot of reading and thinking and will try to get us to take it slow - not what we've been best at so far! - and will go to that site, thanks. ElectricBadger - he's WAY ahead of me on the concepts! but yes, is it lifestyle or play?

Thanks again, everyone - and I will let you know how we get on.

[maddie]

I'm lucky, he is a caring, loving man - sounds wierd, I guess, but he's very gentle.

Don't be so surprised. Lots of them are.

A dom really should be someone you actually like spending time with, you know. You should want to please him. His happiness should make you happy. If you don't like him, that's not bound to be the case.

[moptop]

Just wanted to say, to Tojo really, I've spent a lot of time on the submissiveloving site, and I was particularly grateful to Mistress Steel for her article on Submissive Frenzies. Strong resonance for me there. I certainly recognise the state in myself - and it helps me to balance about my expectations around the relationship itself: I would like him to be the one etc. etc., just as anyone seeking love hopes that this new relationship will be, but I'm not counting on it. I just intend us to enjoy it as much as we can while we're together, and so does he, and we are! Also, I think that finding this community right at this moment is allowing me to spread my frenzy around a bit... I'm sorry if that's a bit of bind for all of you! Let's hope it doesn't last too long.

[Tojo]

Please don't be sorry moptop- we're all going through our own stuff, that's what we come here for. To me that's the biggest thing with this place, the freedom to express your own doubts & uncertainties in a pretty darn supportive environment.

Feel free to sit down & say what you want anytime- you're very welcome.

If you have 'personal' stuff to discuss, it's OK to PM a likely candidate.

There's never any guarantees in any relationship, that's for sure- when I married my wife I identified as a sub. She had many a happy time with that- now it doesn't do a thing for me, but luckily the BDSM side of things is/was a very small part of our relationship.


Tojo