Ok advise needed!

[DomCt2002]

Someone please tell me what submissives really want in a Dominant and how to advertise will ya? Lol, I think either I am doing something wrong or Connecticut Submissive's are just missing me period! Which it is I can not be sure, help me find a Ct submissive will ya!

[caligirl{Rob}]

Hi,
Well only from my own experience, I never wanted to find a Dom through "advertising" Whether it was in a chat forum, or on sites more directly situated towards a specific area, I was able to get to know Dom's through their discussions and often watching interactions with others. So my best advice is be yourself, as cliche as that may sound. Join in discussions, let submissives and others see all your sides. I've so often seen people turn up their noses at sections as the fun and games one here, or sites with blogs or off topic forums, but honestly these are the places I've learned the most about people. They have far more often led to PM discussions and/or just discovering that someone is extremely interesting and wanting to learn more.

This is just my lowly lil opinion, and surely there are others with more specific opinions...wishing you well, enjoy the journey and not just the destination!

hugs!
cali

[Arria]

*grins* I read this question on a German forum a little while ago, too.

And still, my opinion is that the Dom/sub aspect is very much overrated. This might be ok if you just want to find a casual play partner. However, if you are seeking a person for a relationship, there is so much more that should be "ideal" in the other. We are all persons in the first place, no matter what sexuality we enjoy.

Therefore, I completely agree with caligirl´s advice: Be yourself. If somebody likes you, they will like you for who you are, and that´s what counts!

Good luck with your search.

P.S.: I find it quite cute that you were brave enough to post that question. Some other "Doms" would never present themselves vulnerable or seeking for advice. They think that makes them appear cool, while truth be told no sub worth the title would want such an egomaniac...

P.P.S.: I found my own Dom on a completely normal birthday party. ;-)

[snowflake]

i agree with you caligirl and Arria.. seeing how others react online does help us get to know you and understand what you are all about ..

I find both in chat and in discussions on the board.. your colours show through letting us in the window to se if we enjoy the view so to speak..

Sharing your knowledge and {if you have any} expeirence so we can see what you like a what you don't like and how you interact with others...

Without this i would never meet anyone that was o/l..

just my opinion

hugs
snow

[gemmy]

Someone please tell me what submissives really want in a Dominant and how to advertise will ya? Lol, I think either I am doing something wrong or Connecticut Submissive's are just missing me period! Which it is I can not be sure, help me find a Ct submissive will ya!

Firstly, you have asked before and gotten many good responses

Secondly - what do YOU want in a sub - a relationship? a play partner? a 'discreet' affair?

Hard to offer any concrete advice with such a vague query

[thrall]

Firstly, you have asked before and gotten many good responses

Secondly - what do YOU want in a sub - a relationship? a play partner? a 'discreet' affair?

Hard to offer any concrete advice with such a vague query

Totally agree.......


As i said before to you in your other thread..........You need to get a different approach!

Desperation is NOT attractive.
Whining is NOT attractive.

MEN........with......agenda when they are talking to you..........are not attractive

MEN......who are only looking to PLAY......are not attractive unless that is what you are looking for

[Ragoczy]

Someone please tell me what submissives really want in a Dominant and how to advertise will ya? Lol, I think either I am doing something wrong or Connecticut Submissive's are just missing me period! Which it is I can not be sure, help me find a Ct submissive will ya!

I think you're asking the wrong question. Submissives are as varied in what they're looking for as any individual ... curiously, because they are individuals. So what you should be trying to find out is what you're looking for, both as a type of relationship and in a partner. Until you're clear on that in your own head, you'll be disappointed.

For instance, when I was looking, I met an absolutely gorgeous girl who shared most of the D/s interests I did and was looking for the same level of relationship, but she was much more publicly open about her interests than I am. We were both clear about what we wanted and it saved a lot of time and heartache for both of us. Though it would have been nice to just once ... but I digress ...

Once you know what you want, you need to approach those who seem to be compatible. I can't tell you how to make that approach, because what interests or turns off a particular submissive is going to vary widely ... again, individuals.

Personally, I used one of the kink-friendly matching services to great success, but with a lot of effort. Off the top of my head, it probably took a hundred contacts to get to even ten email exchanges that showed even a hint of promise. Of those, most went nowhere, but a few wound up in meetings. Of those, even fewer wound up with both of us having enough interest to try a scene. Out of all of those, I wound up with only one wife ... more than enough, considering that I was "looking" for casual play partners at the time. It's not for everyone, but if you have the patience and can take being turned down a lot, it can work.

If you're very new to this, you might want to consider finding an experienced dominant who's willing to teach. That'll give you a chance to learn under controlled conditions. That could be important, depending on what your interests are. Someone once told me: If you want to use that on someone, you should know what it feels like yourself.

[Chuckdom19]

I agree with most of what was said by my esteemed friends below, especially Thrall's wise words.

Add one comment: patience. Work around the site, contribute in lots of places. Start having fun here. You'll get known for WHAT you are, then things will start rolling.

Good luck!

[fetishdj]

Deleted due to duplication. Moderators - please remove this post when you get the time

[fetishdj]

Another problem I have noticed with online resources (like this and many others) is that while they increase the overall numbers of people available they don't necessarily increase the numbers in your local area. As far as I am aware, I am the only person on this site who lives in the West Midlands, never mind Birmingham. I have seen many on here from London and other parts of the country but not seen any who claim to be from Birmingham (maybe its the stigma, no one wants to be associated with Birmingham? ) However, despite this, I happen to know that Birmingham does have a very healthy scene and have met some of the people on it independent of this site. They are out there, they just don't necessarily post about themselves on the internet and those who do do so on other sites than this one.

Online sites like this are great for learning, for discussion and for finding out that your wierd little sexual foibles are really quite common in the world but they really can't guarantee that you will immediately find friends/play partners/lovers/subs/doms who live close enough to you to be worthwhile making a go of it. And that is without considering if they are even compatible with you. The probabilities rise if you are prepared to travel to meet people but there are expenses and inherent dangers in that approach.

And I think it is worse in some parts of America, certainly from what I have seen. IN my experience there are few places in the world (at least the industrialised world) which do not have some form of BDSM scene. IN places like San Francisco and London, big urban areas with a cosmopolitan and liberal attitude, the scene will be blatantly obvious and large enough to easily find someone. In smaller, less populated, often more conservative areas anyone in the scene is likely to be hidden and the scene may not be large enough to make a big enough splash. Its in these latter areas that people would have problems with finding someone.

All I can say is follow the advice above and be patient. Also, posting to more than one site cannot hurt as this will widen your area of coverage as not everyone posts on one site (much as the mods of those sites may wish they did). This site is massive but I do not think it covers the entirity of the lifestyle population by any stretch.