Quote Originally Posted by vicmal96 View Post
denuseri, i must start by saying that i respect you a lot. In fact, i always read a thread if you had responded in.
But i must respectfully disagree (to a degree) with you.

Hey everyone is entitled to their own opinions. lol

You said:
Actual submission in real life in no way shape or form comparable with pretending submission via typing on a keyboard. It is as different as mountian climbing is to climbing the rock wall in the gym"

I agree with this totally. They are totally different. But one is not less valid than the other. Just because it is not your choice for your life. For many it is.

I said nothing about validity. I just mentioned that it is a mistake to attempt to equate the one with the other. And I have done all three categories of bdsm in the past fyi... online, real life, and long distance.

Not everyone can get to the mountains to climb... But the wall at the gym is still a thrill and good excercise.
But both have rules and safety measures.

Heck some people cant even get to the gym...ergo its good that they can atleast do what a computer allows them.

And writing about mountain climbing or only climbing on the rock wall at the gym doesn't make one an actual mountain climber either does it?

And if one really respects the art of bdsm and thier partners and one's self...they wont pretend it does either.

As for rules...for online...I respect the sites rules in that regard. Its their dominion here. Those and a few safety measures that my owner insists upon are the only rules that need apply here where as I am concerned. I can know I am following them when I am in chat or the forums or interacting with another person online....but I can never really know that the person on the other side of the screen is. I cant possibly know them as I know myself or someone I am submitting too in a face to face real life situation. I learned that lesson the hard way. I chatted, web cam'd and spoke by phone with what I took to be a loving D/s couple for three whole months one time before going to be with them in real life only to find nothing was as it appeared. I was also shocked to find our web cam sessions plastered all over a pay site or two ...and I was allready experienced in these matters...no novice to the lifestyle. If I can be fooled so can anyone. If things had only stayed online, the worst of it would have been the pictures and cam sessions and having to get a new phone mabey moving etc. Real life has real risk too, I was damed lucky to survive my encounter.

Maybe the most important: the emotions experienced in OL relationships are not less real.

Not less real?

I will give you that they are both emotional experiences.

That however is most likely where the similarities truly end however.

They simply do not equate to me any more than rock climbing in the gym would with actual mountain climbing. In both intensity and clarity actually being at someone else s mercy and being dominated in person is far far far beyond measure so much "more" than the other experience. There is no comparison.

It may be different... But surely no-one can say the other's feelings are less true or valid.

Vastly different. Again validity isnt in question. But it is very very different... like the difference between knowing there is a very dangerous path one could follow, and maybe in the safety of their home plays at over a screen and gets all sorts of excited about and "feels" really submissive because of it etc...and actually walking on it for real, no disconnect button no ressurection spells, no way out if things really go wrong, no safety line to help one down etc...and knowing what that difference really is, fearing it, overcoming said fear and surrendering to it. IE: actually "submitting".

And that may be point worth underlining: Emotions are awakened in an OL relationship.

Nothing nearing the intensity that can be reached when mind and body are both involved directly.

Research i read recently suggested that 2 out of 8 marriages in 2008 started OL.

Which means what? People are more comfortable chatting online because there is close to zero risk both physically and emotionally? That 6 out of 8 preferred to meet in real life instead?? Whats the success rate of these marriages? How many attempts to connect with someone were made online and failed before they jumped into marriage?

I think marriage however and its success rates would be spurious to this particular topic without a lot more data and correlations being made.

( I do admit to being rather inept with roleplaying. And i see OL play more as tasking than RP. Maybe someone with experience in this can give an opinion on the emotions awakened in RP)

I just did, lol.

I am not saying one cant get sub-crush or feel really emotional and attached from online. I am however saying it doesn't equate to in person though.

You also said:
"If you have respect you get all the rest (honesty, honnor, responsibility etc) in it's wake."

While, again, i want to agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment, many broken hearted people will testify that respect, while given, might not always be recipocated.

That's why you need it first.

But, agreed. An OL submissive needs to be respectful.
Everyone does imho. The only reason I brought up "respect" is because its the core principle behind some of the older more traditional forms of bdsm...without it...you get none of the rest.