This is a multi-layered question/issue. Part of me wants to say that you shouldn't struggle to keep it casual...if it's your natural inclination to open yourself up and allow yourself to become attached to another person, that it would be wrong to try and change that. On the other hand, I know it's not always the smartest or safest way to be.

So what to do?

I think part of a D/s dynamic lends itself to the submissive being put in a vulnerable position, both emotionally AND physically. And that's what draws us. Staying detached wouldn't serve the submissive side of you very well, maybe (speaking for myself, there). So instead of keeping yourself behind a safety wall or trying to keep emotionally detached, why not take some extra time getting to know somebody before moving into a "relationship"? Like...really get to know somebody and form a bond with them.

If what you're looking for is some hot, kinky sex with no attachments, then that's easy enough to find. If you're looking for a deeper connection and lasting bond with someone, try getting to REALLY know them before anything physical. At the end of the day, just because you spend days or weeks (or months?) getting to know someone, it doesn't mean you're together for the long-haul. Things still happen and relationships end but, for me, I can't submit to someone I don't trust and trust takes time. During that time when you're not getting physical , you can be asking questions and talking about whether they want a monogamous relationship...or what exactly they're looking to get out of this.