How so? The marriage is legally binding is it not? Where as the bdsm relationship didn't involve any such legally binding oath correct?

What came first the r/l marriage arrangement or the bdsm one?

Is it an online dominant or real life face to face arrangement?

If its just online its simple...the real life partner gets the respect or the lion's share of it?

Is the vanilla marriage partner aware of and consenting to the other partners bdsm arrangement online or otherwise?

If not there seems to me to be a non-consenting partner involved which takes things outside of the standard SSC paragon.

ps: (yes I view vanilla partners of the people I play with as involved individuals who need to be aware and consenting in equal measure)