Negative Connotations?

[Kittie]

Have you ever found yourself wanting desperately to submit even while your mind refuses to acknowledge that you are any way shape or form submissive? You want someone to force you to accept everything that you can't admit to yourself, and to make you enjoy it. If you find someone who can convince you to let yourself submit, have you ever had to deal with the aftermath of feeling like submission was a weakness?

I guess I'm really asking in terms of negative connotations of submission, not on a social level, but dealing with it on a personal level. How would you deal with the fact that you want to give everything that you are to that one special Master, while hating the fact that you want to do so?

What did you do to come to terms with your own desires? What was it your Master did to help you accept your needs and help you to embrace their dominance?

[agog ab]

think the hating part of it is more a result of social conditioning than real self hate. We are conditioned to think of needing others as weak in today's society, imo. Submission for some means giving everything to that "special person" as you said and relearning that it doesn't make you weak. For me, the process of admitting to a lifetime of feelings and urges, learning what submission meant for me and, once i found the person i wanted to submit to, was probably one of the most difficult things i've ever done.
The one thing Master gave me that probably meant more than anything during the process is His patience and understanding of how difficult it has been for me to overcome that conditioning. There have been plenty of times when i suffered from backlash and decided wanting and needing Him the way i do is weak and tried to pull away, only to have Him pull me back and show me how strong i had to be to follow my heart and submit. i basically came to terms with the fact that this was the right choice for me when i realized the only time i've felt as if i was doing what i was supposed to be doing for my own piece of mind was when i was allowing myself to follow the submissive urges and please Him.
i hope that helps a little, i know i tend to ramble at times ^.^

[BryansGrrrl]

Lovely post, gog.

I had some of the same issues, mostly revolving around making my feminist leanings fit with this new need to submit to a man. I should be self-sufficient, shouldn't I? I don't NEED any man to help take care of me and my kids! I shouldn't have to ask permission for anything! I am a grown, strong woman and I can do all of this by myself, tyvm!

LOL

The thing that helped me the most with all of this is knowing that I submit by my CHOICE. I choose to do the things that I do. I choose to please him. I choose to allow it to make me happier than I have ever been in my life. And because I have the ability and the power to choose, I don't lose my "strong woman / feminist" card.

[agog ab]

Thanks, Lisa! i read up on the feminist issues at first a lot too, more out of interest than ever identifying myself as "feminist", but i agree that it's the choice that makes the difference. i am making the choice to be happy, and imo "feminism" is about having the choice to do what it is that makes you happy, not pushing yourself into the mold society tries to tell you SHOULD make you happy (which is the mistake i made for most of my life and ended up miserable, with people trying to put me on medications to make me be happy).

[BryansGrrrl]

Exactly how I feel about it. And I think happty could totally be a word. Let's make it one.