think the hating part of it is more a result of social conditioning than real self hate. We are conditioned to think of needing others as weak in today's society, imo. Submission for some means giving everything to that "special person" as you said and relearning that it doesn't make you weak. For me, the process of admitting to a lifetime of feelings and urges, learning what submission meant for me and, once i found the person i wanted to submit to, was probably one of the most difficult things i've ever done.
The one thing Master gave me that probably meant more than anything during the process is His patience and understanding of how difficult it has been for me to overcome that conditioning. There have been plenty of times when i suffered from backlash and decided wanting and needing Him the way i do is weak and tried to pull away, only to have Him pull me back and show me how strong i had to be to follow my heart and submit. i basically came to terms with the fact that this was the right choice for me when i realized the only time i've felt as if i was doing what i was supposed to be doing for my own piece of mind was when i was allowing myself to follow the submissive urges and please Him.
i hope that helps a little, i know i tend to ramble at times ^.^