There are people out there with what you want... but you will always find that you may have to endure some compromise to achieve a perfectly balanced relationship. It may, for example, be possible to find someone who likes only a little pain - maybe mild spanking (and I have yet to meet a woman who is not turned on by mild spanking...).

The question you may have to ask yourself is: how far are you willing to do things you are not keen on in order to get what you want in other ways? The spanking turns her on so you do it because she enjoys it and it achieves an end (getting her ready for other things you want to do to her). Is there harm in a little play like this for that?

Generally, I advise being patient and being very thorough in any negotiation with a potential new sub. When they talk about pain, ask them if they are really into that and how much precisely. Don't necessarily let them know your position until after they have answered (that way you may get a more honest answer rather than one designed to be what they think you want to hear).