How much control do you give up?

[wyldrose]

Is there such a thing as giving up too much control?
i completely agree with denu on this one, the only amount of control that you can give that is too much is when it's taken by force. A good Dom would be able to make you feel safe enough to give Him as much as you're able to. i never thought i'd be able to give up the amount of control that i have, until the situation/dynamic (and the relationship) developed.

Should they have your email and website subscription passwords?
i don't see why this is unreasonable. it does imply mistrust, so it would be worth having a respectful conversation to ascertain that it's not based on that.


Should safe words not be used eventually?

Personally, it wasn't a moment where Master said 'you don't have a safe word now, you don't get a say in what we do'. It built up eventually with the increasing control He had, in time, i couldn't seperate what i wanted from my desire to please Him-- it was like, He was asking, 'have you had enough?' and my only answer would be 'if You have'. Of course, for this to happen, He had to become so perfect in analysing my body language that He can tell when i've had enough, how i will react, regardless of what i say. it isn't an immediate thing, by any means.

Should hard limits be pushed or ignored eventually?

As i've just said, for me, it's more a case of realising that i don't have any hard limits for Him to push any more. Trusting that whatever He does is not going to harm me, and being able to give everything. If He wants it, it will be done, and that means that none of my limits are 'hard'. i wish i could make that easy to understand, but it isn't!

Should your Dom/me get to choose your sexual orientation?

Interesting question, Master and i have not discussed it. i hope somebody else has some good answers!


Once the collar is on do you give up everything or are there still things that should be left private to the slave?

i'm not sure if this applies to your dynamic, because as you say, you're a 'slave in training'. i didn't have this middle ground. i went from a training submissive, to a submissive, to His slave, when we both realised that's where we were headed. We didn't start out intending me to become His slave, it just ended up like that! After i was collared we were still taking things slowly. Master would always err on the edge of caution when it came to limits and safewords, and continues to check in when He's unsure of where i'm at, emotionally or physically.

[lady_kanta]

The only hard and fast rule is there is no hard and fast rule. Soon as you make a rule or define a word, someone... somewhere... will work to break it.

Is there such a thing as giving up too much control?

Depends on the relationship and the level of comfort of each individual. For those who are 'extreme' (for lack of a better word) no, there is no such thing as giving up too much. We are all shades of black, red, gray, purple, green, whatever you like.

Should they have your email and website subscription passwords?

Again it depends. Depends on what the sub/Dom needs. Maybe something happened to hurt the sub's trust in themselves and the way to repair it is to know that they are being looked after. I personally would have no issues turning over my passwords if requested. Depending on the site, i might even volunteer it. But, I knew my Sir loooong before he was my Sir. I would have no issues giving this as I know he wouldn't use it in a negative way. Even if my trust in myself is broken, I will always have trust in him. If that trust is broken, then the relationship is broken (and thus wouldn't be handing over passwords).

There is a caveat though. I AM responsible for anything posted under my name. If you have read Christina Parker's workbook, Where I Am Led, the very first thought of the week is "Many people make the mistake of assuming that giving up control also means giving up responsibility. No matter what the situation, a slave share equal responsibility for any consequences, either good or bad, that occur as a result of the consensual activities."

Should safe words not be used eventually?

I can't imagine, even if a relationship was 'safeword free', that there still wouldn't be a safeword per se. Even without a specified word, the sub would be able to relay the information that things are not kosher and the Dom would act upon that information as they see fit. To me, this is not much different then having a contracted safeword.

Should hard limits be pushed or ignored eventually?

Pushed? Yes. Ignored? No. If it's a hard limit that is pushed, then some discussion/aftercare/etc is needed to ensure the health of whose limits were pushed. Even for the most evil of Doms, this is required if they wish to be able to continue to 'play'.

Should your Dom/me get to choose your sexual orientation?

Your sexual orientation is your sexual orientation. No one can change it. That being said, a few things might happen. You might not be fully aware of your orientation due to a mental 'hangup'. You play with a gender that isn't part of your orientation under His/Her orders and enjoy it, whether you enjoy it or not (unless we are limit breaking, if so, see above)

Once the collar is on do you give up everything or are there still things that should be left private to the slave?

Depends on how the relationship is negotiated. There are as many levels of control as there are people in this type of relationship. "We are all beautiful snowflakes" ::sees butterflies and fluffy bunnies running through the house due to all the sugar from that last line::