Laila - I'm actually really interested in the statement that your dominant friend said. As someone who never thought that an online relationship could work for me (and suddenly finding myself, cautiously, in an online relationship that works fabulously), I think that what he said about being submitting online might be the ultimate draw in its favor, at least for me. I've fucked around online a bit and fucked around more in real life, but there is something very alluring about the idea that my relationship with this very special person requires an almost superhuman commitment to him. The commitment to my role flows naturally from this. It makes me personally responsible for my submission, and is helping me understand and accept (and begin to revel in) my submissive nature much more than any hot play sessions in my past ever have. For me it is easy, physically, to step into a role and do all the physical actions that will give me all the physical rewards I'm looking for, but I never found that special person in real life who could make me feel like I was doing more than just playing.

I'm definitely looking for "more" in the/our future, so I think I agree with what both him and you are saying. Being an online submissive ("slave" is a good word to use here but I kind of shy away from it too much postcolonial theory lol) does require absolute commitment: to the relationship, to the dominant, to yourself and not cheating yourself out of learning and growing by lying. There is staggering beauty in this. But true commitment in any form also does require a special person to draw out that submission. Playing is fun, the most fun a girl can have with her clothes off, even. But anything else requires both.

On a side note, way to be awesome and start this discussion, and the same to everyone else for contributing! And I feel you on the larger issue of valuing male dominants for their thoughts and correspondence, but not wanting to submit to them and feeling you having to "justify" your reasons for this, haha. You do what you want, and if it ain't OL it ain't OL.