Perhaps you need to determine what would be pleasurable rewards and reward good behavior instead of punishing bad behavior.

As you suggest, ignoring her is a harsh punishment, but rather than hold that over her head, just tell her if she wants a "fill in the many blanks" she needs to perform for you.

My girl knows she gets more attention from me by pleasing me.

Her rewards (and mine) include spankings and floggings, hogties and spread eagles, getting to sleep in a karada, anal, throat fucking, pain, and lots and lots of orgasms.