A Few Questions from a Novice

[sinderella]

How effective is it to really train online?

your computer can be a valuable path to information, images, and of course, communication with your Dom, even if he is far away fom you. my first experience was with a Dom who lived near me and worked with me, and we were well into our relationship before he revealed his true self to me, so we had already established a good degree of closeness and trust, which are extremely important if you want to 'push the envelope' and follow him as far as he wants to go. i can't comment on 'long-distance Doms', since i have never had one, but i know others here do, so i will leave that issue to them.

How can you tell who will be a good Dom/Master?

i think communication is very important.

also, a good Dom will never mistreat you or treat you like dirt...those are men who have no idea what true BDSM is, and think that it means treating a woman shabbily, which is so far off the mark. a good Dom can read you like a book, and he will take the time to learn who you are deep down, because that is who will be screaming his name when he takes her to those places where other men do not walk. i look for someone who is considerate and kind and who cares about my feelings, but who also knows what it means to be in control of a woman, and he will subtly begin taking that control brick by brick, until you have no place to hide but in his arms, and when you have gotten to that place you will understand what it feels like to be in Paradise.

Is it rude or bad to refuse an order you do not think you're ready for or do not trust the 'Dom/Master' enough for? Or even for just something you think you should wait awhile before doing it? (such as sending nude pictures over the internet)

no. if you are already close, you can say you need to go slower, and if he tries to coax you, you can try it. (i am speaking only for myself here). when you do, you will be surprised at how liberating that is...i know, you would think being restrained and gagged could not be liberating, but i believe they call that 'irony'. of course, if your Dom ignores your hesitation and does something against your wishes that he knows you do not want, then he is not a very good Dom but just a bully. your Dom is not a drill sargeant...he is your best friend, your guide, your mentor and your lover. there's so much more to it than can be addressed in a single comment to your post, but i think your assembling all of these thoughts people post here and studying them will help you a little.

Do you have any advice for a new Submissive, trying to find herself?

all i can add is read, learn about the 'lifestyle'...(i hate that word)...pay attention to what he says...find out what is important to you, listen to yourself and educate yourself with the power of Google, and of course, join forums like this.

and listen to your inner submissive - she led you here, after all.

good luck.

xox