Quote Originally Posted by Pearlgem View Post
But that 'telling them what they want to hear' strikes a chord. Do you think there might be a danger of a sub giving too eagerly what she perceives the dom wants (seemingly being a 'good sub') and him so readily accepting this that he actually gains a false impression of who he's working with and what she really needs? Can a sub sometimes actually give too much?
OK, Pearlgem, now that you bring this up. . . . The Heartbreak Guy was really into authenticity and not "playing" - so, OK, possibly he was not as authentic as he thought he was, but never mind. In any event, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about previous interactions that I'd had and when they felt authentic and when they didn't.

So maybe what's going on here is saying something that I might plausibly be feeling, and if I were feeling it then the shoe would be on the other foot, control-wise, so to speak. But in fact, I'm not really feeling it, I'm just saying it because it's expected and appropriate to the situation - not lying, I think all flirting is a little like that. But it leads to a certain feeling of ironic detachment on my part. And, now that I think of it, I feel this way when flirting in a vanilla context too. It just moves me a step back from the interaction and I'm observing as well as participating.

And, I might add, if I really WERE feeling whatever I'm saying, I wouldn't be saying it so early in the relationship - I'd keep it to myself. Flirting is a little like that too - saying somewhat intimate things just a little too quickly. Anyway, I don't mean to imply that I'm doing some Machiavellian plotting or anything. It's just, some men pretty much signal what they want to hear. How can you not say it?