LOLOL
You might get a comment here or there that IS BDSM beforehand (even if it's not a "cyber" message...try not to discount the men that do that right away, just ask them nicely to take a step back).
You seem like you are very "upset" about this and I feel like this isn't the first topic you've seemed upset or I guess worried about.
I can understand how you feel because when I first started in BDSM areas a couple of years ago EVERYTHING made me extremely mad. The term "slave," the idea that a slave is a "thing" in some people's eyes...the idea that I had to actually be a submissive (which is funny because that is what I wanted - and still want), but...just...anything and everything was upsetting. I really hope you stick around and you don't feel to angry about things in general. It gets easier. I am very different from the person I was when I first started chatting / posting on BDSM forums. I'm still "me," but I try to be more respectful of people, and I try very hard to not let my own feelings and morals get in the way of my making new friends and get in the way of feeling how I do about BDSM in general.
(Though it's something I'm sure I will always be working on because I am an opinionated person).
Hugs.
p.s. Sorry if that whole thing is way off base.