I understand some of your frustration Bambina. I am not offended when a Dom begins a conversaiton with pointed questions about my likes and dislikes in BDSM. It is an important part of the connection between a Dom and sub, but you are right... it's not the only thing that should connect us.

I am more offended when that is all they are interested in. When meeting a new Dom it's kind of a process of elimination to see if you are even remotely compatible.

Men are somewhat more task oriented than most women. So they will usually go for the "facts" first rather than the more relationship connection. Their checklist would start with the BDSM compatabilities and go from there.

1) do you like the things i do? 2) do we have similiar thoughts and desires in a D/s relationship? 3) character and personality traits

I would be more wary and untrusting of the Dom that doesn't want to know more about you once the preliminaries are taken care of. I have to feel a sense of connection, trust and respect for a Dom before I can play with them. And one that does not want me for my intelligence and spirit is one that I would pass by gladly anyways.

So, although a little frustrating, remember this is a BDSM connection that you are looking to make, so it is a big part of the compatability test. If you are not into the same things, even though he may think you incredible woman... you are still not the right sub for him and therefore he is not the right Dom for you.