Do you find that what excites you changes according to your partner?

[jeanne]

Do you find that what excites you changes according to your partner?

This sounds like a stupid question - of course it does. But I don't mean necessarily how your partner is in bed or what s/he does to you, I mean like does your fantasy life and sense of what's exciting to YOU change?

I would be surprised if it didn't change!

I had thought that I pretty much knew what excited me, but now I wonder if ANY of this actually excites me in itself, or if my own sense of the erotic is just another variable in pleasing my partner.

Bingo! That's so much of it for me too.

So here's what I'm afraid of, and I've been trying for a long time to figure out how to ask about it - If you really like to please another person, how can you tell what YOU want, and not what you want to want because it would please him? How can you tell what's pushing limits and expanding horizons, and what's a sick willingness to go along with anything?

I wish I could ask this more clearly. It has been bothering me ever since I found that the act of acquiescing in something that I had previously found unappealing was itself very exciting.

For me the line between pushing limits and expanding horizons vs. a sick willingness to go along with anything is: How do I feel during and more importantly, after? If I feel icky or uncomfortable or 'not right', then yes, I've come to a place where my submissiveness has been hijacked by insecurity or fear or something else negative. One of the things about submission for me - it's joyful. I feel full of life and joy and peace and happiness and gratitude in the midst of it all...even when I'm gasping or crying or my body is aching or my mind is tired and rebelling. When I don't have that feeling I'm definitely doing or accepting something that goes against who I am at my core.

You know, finding my pleasure in His pleasure is one of the basic definitions of submission to me. I think maybe you are worrying about something that is actually a lovely part of who you are as a submissive.