I've been fat for the past 12 years or so. It started out with finding emotional refuge in the fridge and then the hormones during puberty kicking in. All in all, I've hated my body and felt embarassed by it ever since i can remember. It's the only thing i can't stand discussed, I can't stand shopping for clothes, I have never allowed anybody to see me naked! Sex has always been a no-lights-on-whatsoever experience for me.
Nonetheless, I've attracted people which I always found odd seeing that 'for crying out loud, you honestly shouldn't like me and get hard!'
Slowly I'm coming to terms with it--but very, very slowly. My mother told me something that i think i'll share and maybe it may mean something to you too: 'your body is your safe haven. it's what protects your feelings, your brain, it's what allows you to act and to show who you are. it's NOT who you are. you're a cucoon where a butterfly is waiting to be hatched. but maybe you're one of those special butteflies that doesn't need nor want to hatch in order to show its true colours'

On another topic, i've never been attracted to thin men, even though i've been with a few. I'm attracted by dominant men, and, most of the times, kinda BIG dominant men, partially because it gives me the safe feeling that they can actually handle me, they can move me and they can hold me if i fall!
I don't want to sound fake, but because i've had my share of rejection because of my body, i've stopped looking at other people's bodies. I now tend to focus more on how the person makes me feel inside, that nice knot in my not-so-flat-stomach and the urge to look at my feet or stare at the ceiling rather than how much he weighs and how often he works out!
xx