I was involved with three online Doms before I met Master. I instinctively knew that none of the previous Doms were right for me IRL. And then when I met Master I chatted with Him online (and sent e-mail, snail mail and talked on the phone) for an entire year before W/we met IRL. Why did I choose Him over the others? For exactly what Amber said above: I may be a sub and want a BDSM relationship, but I am more that a sub. I have my own life, my own interests. I love to write, to read, to belly dance, to travel, to attend Renaissance faires, to cook, to camp and hike. Master was the ONLY Dom who wanted to get to know me as me and not just as a sub to dominate. He saw me as the person I was behind the screen name. He got to know me as who I truly was and W/we found out that W/we would be able to do things beyond BDSM, because W/we had a lot in common.

BDSM is great and all, but you can't do it 24/7. Real life interferes. What happens beyound BDSM is what truly matters. Doms need to see subs as real people, bot just someone who kneels and wears a collar and says, "Yes, Master." Subs need to see Doms as real people and not just the one who wields the flogger and ties her to the bedposts or says, "Kneel, slut." This is all fine and dandy if all you want to do is play online. But if you want to have a real relationship IRL you two have to know each other as real people and not stereotypes or the relationship is going to go nowhere.