Hopefully this one hasn't been posted yet. A friend e-mailed me this forever ago, and I drag it out and read it from time to time.


Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry
nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly
clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of
the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I
must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced
that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird
has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe.
For now...

(Also an awesome site that gets updated regularly- Icanhazcheezburger.)