I can't say that i know exactly how you feel because i don't. I can tell you that i think it is very normal to have a transition period. I led during most of my previous vanilla relationship, at least on the outside. Behind closed doors was a different story as he was abusive. Which brings me to my Master now. At first things seemed to move perfectly. He was like super Master, reading my mind, knowing just what i need or want. Perfect. But of course we had our first few....i won't call them fights... but it changed the dynamics because he's not perfect, he makes mistakes and he made me cry. We don't always get along, i get frustrated alot, i don't feel like he listens sometimes, but i do know that he cares and has my best interests at heart and i have his. I don't know your exact situation but i do know that when Master doesnt listen because he thinks i am being irrational (as if!), he tells me i need a break and to come back when i'm settled down. Oh and does that make me mad! but once i do settle down i find that it is a little easier to communicate my needs with out "being fired up". When that doesnt work i write a letter. Sometimes i may spend and hour or so, pouring out my feelings, in heartfelt respectful way. When he reads it, it usually works. One, because he can't interrupt, you have the floor so to speak. Two, because you have taken time and considerable effort to make your feelings known in a non combative way. He should respect that. By that time you should both be able to have an "intelligent discussion" (Master has these ideas that a person can't be intelligent while they are mad?!)
By that i mean that you have both had time to think through what you need to say and relay it in a calm and rational tone. i don't know if this will work for you, but it has helped me.

I am very sorry about your son. I could not even imagine. I have twin daughters who are eight. I think i would go on a murderous rage should anything happen to them. My heart hurts at the thought. I send your family my love.